“You won’t,” I said. “She needs love more than anything. It will hurt her more if you hold it back.”
Grayson stared at me for a moment and then, without a word, turned and walked out of the kitchen. Sugar followed him, looking back at the doorway and letting out a small moan, then lowering her head and running to catch up to Grayson.
My heart clenched. I looked back at my list to hide my face from Vanessa’s probing eyes. He can’t even pretend to like me for appearance’s sake? What must Shane and Vanessa think?
“I’m sorry, Kira,” Vanessa said. “Our presence is putting a strain on your marriage. We should go—”
“Not on account of me, no. Shane and Grayson have something to work out. I won’t get in the way of that.” I’d be gone soon enough, but Shane would always be Grayson’s brother. I refused to be the reason Grayson didn’t give him a chance to—at the very least—explain himself. Whatever physical interest Grayson had in me was long gone. And I could see why. Who could compete with Vanessa? She was beautiful inside and out, and I felt like the witch Grayson called me—ugly, ragged, and excluded. Only able to cast a short-lived spell that quickly wore off. No one ever wanted to be with the witch, after all. Not in the end.
Charlotte came bustling into the kitchen a few minutes later, shooting nervous looks between Vanessa and me. Since Shane and Vanessa had arrived, I hadn’t gotten any alone time with Charlotte, but whenever I did see her, she seemed to be wringing her hands and saying prayers under her breath. It didn’t give me a lot of confidence this situation would turn out well.
Vanessa, Charlotte, and I went over the lists in detail and split up the tasks. “Now who’s going to help me make a butterscotch peanut butter cake? Shane requested it—it’s his favorite,” Charlotte said delightedly.
“Oh, I’ll help,” Vanessa said. “I need to learn the recipe so I can bake it for him myself sometimes.”
Charlotte grabbed two aprons from the drawer, handing one to Vanessa and offering one to me. “Actually,” I said. “The next thing on my list is that I need to go outside and figure out what has to be accomplished there. I think I’ll do that now.” But really, I realized Charlotte and Vanessa deserved time together. I was only going to be here for a short time, while Vanessa was a true part of this family. At the thought, the sharp ache in my heart seemed almost excessive, but it was there nonetheless. I loved this kitchen—the warmth, the smells, the way comfort was always waiting here both in the form of delicious food and Charlotte’s wise advice. I was beginning to love Charlotte too.
Charlotte looked at me with sympathy but nodded, almost sadly. I couldn’t be angry with her. She knew about the deal Grayson and I had struck. Vanessa would be here forever, whereas I would be leaving soon. It was more important that Charlotte help build a bridge between Shane, Vanessa, and Grayson than try to push Grayson and me together more permanently. It would be a wasted effort anyway. Perhaps she’d finally realized that.
Feeling alone and melancholy, I wandered outside to look at the facade of the house. I had a crew of gardeners scheduled to work the rest of the week. Getting the grounds looking decent was going to take quite a bit of effort, but it was necessary. The house was going to look so much better once the ivy was cut back. I jotted down the few things I thought could be accomplished to the outside of the house in time and then turned to walk behind it to make some notes about that area. I would love to open up the massive back patio and get the pool cleaned if possible. I imagined twinkle lights strung in the trees, casting a magical, fairy-tale glow…
For a moment I stood there, picturing the scene, my gaze rising to the rows of grapevines beyond. Why did I feel this desperate longing inside? I thought about what Grayson was doing right now, how much I was growing to love this vineyard and the people who lived and worked here. I thought about how I’d imagined Grayson and I were moving in the direction of…what, Kira? Love? Is that what I had secretly begun to hope for? An emotion not unlike dread clenched my gut, and I walked a few steps so I could lean against a nearby elm tree, closing my eyes in misery. I had the terrible feeling that, somewhere along the way, I had begun to fall in love with my husband. There was no other explanation for the agony I was feeling at his sudden cold indifference and the possibility that he was still in love with another woman. It hurt.
Staring out at the afternoon sun glinting on the grapevines, I admitted, only to myself—only ever to myself—that maybe I had even started falling in love with Grayson Hawthorn the first moment I’d laid eyes on him. My knight in shining armor standing in front of that bank, the promise that he would save me, and I, him, flowing through my heart like a secret whisper.
Oh, Kira. Oh no.
This was a disaster.
An epic disaster.
I wanted to run, to flee from these feelings, from these realizations. And I knew that was exactly what I would do just as soon as the party was over. I couldn’t stay here knowing I could fall even more head over heels for my husband at any moment. He’d never love me back. I was somewhat sure he would still be agreeable to me sharing his bed, but that was all it would ever be. For him. But for me, it would only result in misery.
My desperate—and somewhat dramatic—thoughts were cut off when I saw a lone figure walking around the perimeter of the hedge maze below me. I squinted, recognizing Shane. Hesitating only briefly, I put the list and pen in the back pocket of my jean shorts and walked down the hill to join him.
“Hey,” I said softly. He spun around, obviously startled, letting out a quick breath.
“Hey, Kira.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
“You didn’t. I was just deep in thought, I guess.” He sat down on a stone bench next to him and gestured for me to sit as well. I did, leaning my palms behind me.
I looked at the maze next to us and inclined my head toward it. “It’s really incredible. You must have had fun in it as kids.”
Shane let out a breath, running his hand through his hair like Grayson sometimes did. “God, no. My father would walk us to the middle once it’d turned dark and have us find our way out. He tortured us with this godforsaken thing.”
I felt the blood drain from my face and I turned toward Shane. “Why?” I breathed.
He shrugged, looking suddenly like a little boy. “Who knows why my father did what he did? He had ideas about how to make men out of us. That was one of them. Of course, Grayson got the brunt of it, being the oldest.” He paused, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I could hear Grayson out here crying for our dad, trying to find his way out, night after night.” Sadness swept over his expression as if he were back there again, hearing his brother call out for help, being unable to do anything about it.
“After searching through Dad’s files, Walter found a map of the maze and gave it to Grayson. Of course, I only learned this years later. Grayson must have been seven or eight. Walter told him, ‘You study this. Go in during the day and learn every single turn, every nook and cranny, and when your father walks you inside, you’ll be the one in control. Make sure your father doesn’t find out but know the maze like the back of your hand. Then there will be no fear.’ Well, that’s just what Gray did.” He smiled suddenly, the shadows fleeing from his handsome face, and I couldn’t help smiling too. Walter. God bless, Walter. Oh, God, now I loved Walter too. This was growing worse—and more wonderful—by the moment.