“Later, when my dad brought me inside,” Shane went on, “Grayson snuck in from the back, found me, and led me out without our dad knowing. He’d stay hidden in the maze until we’d gone inside, and then he’d sneak inside too. I never knew the same fear he once did because he rescued me. I only knew those brief moments before he showed up. And, God”—his voice broke slightly, but he cleared his throat—“there’s nothing on earth like the feel of someone who loves you grasping your hand in the dark when you’re lost and afraid.”
I let out a breath, my heart constricting. That poor little boy. I didn’t know what to say, was at a total loss of words, a lump the size of an orange blocking my throat. No wonder Grayson hated the maze—once upon a time, it had served as a massive torture chamber for him.
“My brother did that for me in a hundred different ways over the years—found me in the dark and grasped my hand,” Shane said.
“Then why?” I whispered, blinking back tears.
Shane turned his head to look at me. “Why Vanessa?” he asked.
I nodded. “Please tell me, Shane. I’m trying to understand. I’m just trying to understand and maybe if I do, in some way, I can help.” I wanted Grayson to have love. The love of family he’d been denied.
Shane sighed. “Because all my life, I’ve loved her.” He paused, smiling a small, sad smile. “We grew up together, you know, the three of us. Grayson never seemed to notice her the way I did.” He squinted off into space for a moment, probably remembering specific events. “But then he asked her out first, and I thought maybe he’d just been hiding his feelings, and so I…stepped back when I would have thrown my hat in the ring, so to speak. I would have bared my heart had it been anyone else. But I couldn’t. He had always gotten the short end of the stick and had sacrificed for me over and over again, all my life. How could I not do the same for him? And so…I loved her, but I let her go without ever saying a word.”
I pressed my lips together, sadness moving through me as I stared out at the blue sky. “But then he went away…”
“Yes,” he said softly. “You must think I’m such an awful person.”
“No. I’m not your judge,” I said softly.
Shane sighed, running his hand through his hair.
I didn’t ask him any more on that subject. I knew he wanted to explain the rest to his brother first. But I thought I had a little bit of a better understanding of the situation from both perspectives. I only wondered how Vanessa felt about Grayson now. What a mess. A mess I needed to step back from and let them figure out, especially in light of my own realizations about where my heart lay. I had been right. There was no place for me in this. And maybe Grayson had been right too. Perhaps none of it was really my business at all. Sitting there in the shade of that giant maze, I felt suddenly lonelier than I’d ever felt before. But it was Grayson who’d spent so many lonely years on this property, trying to earn the acceptance of his father and continually failing, and having no mother figure to turn to. I understood his loneliness because I’d lived it.
“He told me about your mother—his stepmother—that she never accepted him,” I said softly. “Did you have a good relationship with her?”
Shane blew out a breath. “My relationship with her was fine, although I hated the way she treated Gray. She didn’t hate him, but she hated what he represented. She considered her life perfect before Grayson’s mother showed up on her doorstep. I hadn’t even been born at the time, but I heard her remind him enough over the years. And our father…he wasn’t the most nurturing of fathers anyway, even to me, but he treated Grayson especially coldly as a way to send the message to my mother that he recognized his mistake and the result of that error would never be fully accepted. There was no atoning for it in her eyes, though. Not that that was the proper way to do it anyway.” Shane suddenly turned his head toward me. “I’m surprised he told you anything about that, actually. I’ve never known him to talk about it, even to me.”
I shrugged. “He said it so matter-of-factly, as if explaining the course of the weather.”
Shane’s smile was wry. “Trust me, Grayson doesn’t express himself a whole lot, but he feels anything but matter-of-fact about his father and stepmother. I was there.”
I nodded again, knowing I shouldn’t be delving more deeply into Grayson’s hidden torment. It’d only make me love him more. What was sexier on a man than great abs and a heart full of hidden torment? They should bottle it and sell it by the truckloads. Or perhaps write a book: Abs and Hidden Torment: A Man’s Guide to Bagging Babes. I would have laughed if I didn’t feel so much like crying.
And it was clearer to me than ever that he’d never love me, even if he could move past his love for Vanessa. He’d built a fortress of ice surrounding his heart. I’d witnessed portions of it melting, but as soon as Shane and Vanessa had shown up, he’d quickly filled in the gaps. I understood the initial necessity, but I’d be a fool if I imagined I’d ever be enough to melt it permanently.
“Hey, don’t look so sad. We do have a few good memories here too. Our childhoods weren’t all horror and trauma. We also used to steal cookies from Charlotte and frequently annoy Walter by trying to get him to break into a smile.”
I laughed despite myself, creasing my brow at the same time. “Did it ever work?”
“Rarely.” And yet, despite his comment, he smiled affectionately. He loved Walter too.
“Thank you for sharing what you did with me, Shane. It means a lot that you trust me enough to confide in me.”
He studied me for just a second, his face breaking into a smile. Without thinking, I leaned forward and hugged him, picturing the small boy he once was, alone in the dark as his brave older brother took his hand. He laughed, hugging me back. When I pulled away, he started to say, “I’m mostly—”
“You already stole one woman from me. Figure you might as well steal another?”
We both stood quickly as if we’d been caught doing something wrong. “Grayson, we were just—”
“Stay out of this, Kira,” he said, his furious gaze focused on Shane.
“Jesus, Gray,” Shane said incredulously. “We were just talking.”
Grayson stepped forward to Shane, his jaw hard and tight. I sucked in a sharp breath, not knowing if I wanted to cry or start throwing things. “I’m familiar with how just talking works,” Grayson said, his voice raised but his tone deadly cold, “and it doesn’t involve arms and bodies. So tell me, is that it, Shane? One isn’t enough? Looking to seduce Kira too?”
“Seduce Kira? What the fuck? God, you really are an idiot when you’re jealous. Do you think I would seduce your wife, you stupid fool?” he yelled.
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Vanessa and Charlotte rushing toward us.
Grayson’s jaw ticked at the word jealous, his eyes lowering to slits as he glared at his brother. “Jealous? You think I find you untrustworthy because I’m jealous? Not because you’re a lying, betraying bastard? I’m not jealous.” He moved a step closer. “Jesus. She’s not even my real wife. We got married for money,” he growled.