“It doesn’t matter,” Merrick replies. “We all have duties in this life.”
“Not all of us,” Ian tells him. “Some of us do whatever the hell we want. So go ahead. Ask her.”
I hold my breath because I don’t want him to ask. The answer should be easy.
“Rain?”
And it is easy, I realize. But it’s not the one Merrick is looking for.
Chapter 30
Ian
Well, that went better than I expected.
I figured from the start that eventually Merrick and I were going to have to go a round or two. He’s the type to want things his own way. The only problem is, so am I. And when it comes to finding Milla, I’m not prepared to compromise.
Despite that, I actually like the guy. More, I feel sorry for him. He has a mission to protect a girl who clearly does not want to be protected. Even though she dodges his question and says they’ll talk later, we all know what her answer was going to be.
Good for her.
“Do you always solve things with your fists?”
I glance up at Kali’s voice. She’s standing beside me, hands on her hips, looking judgy as all hell. What now?
“Mostly,” I answer, because why lie when you don’t need to? I’m not ashamed of who I am. I’ve had to fight for every scrap of joy in my life, and I’m fucking good at it. It’s why Max and Milla and I have made it out of scrapes on every one of the seven planets. “Sometimes with my fists. Often with my knife. Occasionally with my pistol, and once with—”
“I get it,” she snaps, giving me an eye roll before she whirls around and strides away.
Why the fuck’s she rolling her eyes at me, anyway? My proclivity for fighting saved us from those guys last night. Twice. Two separate groups of assholes. Making me doubly awesome.
And didn’t she ask me to teach her to fight? What’s the point of that if she doesn’t expect to ever use it?
Besides, she has no clue what it’s like to struggle for every single thing you own. For every single thing you eat and for every single breath you take. I decide I need to point that out to her. Right now.
I follow her off the bridge and can’t help noticing just how hot her ass looks in that jumpsuit. And her legs. Not to mention her—
Max casts me a glance as I pass. “Really?” he says. “You’re going there? Right now?”
“No, I’m not. I just need to set the princess straight on one or two small things.”
“You ever think that maybe she needs to set you straight on one or two small things?”
“Fuck that. And fuck you.”
He grins. “If you say so.”
“We’re just going to talk,” I tell him.
“Of course you are.”
I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, but that’s Max for you. The trouble is that he knows me as well, if not better—he has the advantage of a little distance—than I know myself. Which is why his comments should be enough to stop me in my tracks or at least give me pause. But my feet keep right on moving.
I find the princess in her room. The door is open, so I take that as an unspoken “come on in.” If she’d wanted me to stay out, she would have closed the damn door.
But the second I catch sight of her standing with her back to me, arms wrapped around her waist, my anger dissolves. “Kali, are you okay?” She’s hugging herself like she’s cold—or hurt.
She turns slowly. “As good as can be expected, I guess.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m on a goddamn spaceship going who the fuck knows where—”
“Glacea,” I put in helpfully, and she rolls her eyes at me. Again.
“I should be going home. My mother will be frantic. The Council will be furious, and…” She takes a deep breath and sort of sags. “I actually enjoyed watching you fight.”
The change in subject makes me frown. It also makes me feel all twisted up inside. I want to say that I’ll fight for her anytime, but I don’t think she’s saying that like it’s a good thing. So I keep my mouth shut and wait for her to continue.
She doesn’t say anything else for several seconds, and then she shrugs. “I’m not sure what that says about me, but it’s nothing good.”
“There’s nothing wrong with fighting for what you need. Or what you believe in.”
“Is that what you were doing in there?” she asks, sounding more restrained than I’ve ever heard her. “Fighting for what you need?”
“Fuck yeah. I was fighting for Milla.” I give her a what-are-you-getting-at look.
“So you need Milla?”
“I—” I freeze mid-sentence, partly because I don’t know what I want to say to that and partly because my brain is suddenly flashing a giant warning sign at me, telling me there’s danger down the path she’s leading me on. “I mean, Max and I—Milla—we—”
She holds up a hand to stop me, which I’ll always be grateful for. Especially since Max is currently laughing at all my floundering.
“Smooth,” he tells me. “Is this the part where you tell her a couple of things? Or is that going to come later?”
I flip him off mentally. “Shut the fuck up.”
“So you have no problem telling me off.” He’s still snickering.
“Stop distracting me, will you? I need to pay attention to Kali—”
And now he’s full-blown laughing again. But at least he’s stopped talking, so I’ll take the win. And later I’ll beat his ass for fucking with me right now.
“You can try,” he taunts.
I focus back on her. “Kali—”
“I’m not upset about going to Glacea, Ian. Even though maybe I should be. And I liked watching you fight. A lot.” Her eyes light up briefly before she sinks down onto the bed, and for the first time since I met her, she looks defeated. I don’t like it. Yeah, I always complained about her fighting me, but I’ll take that a million times over if the choice is between that and this sadness that’s pulling at her.
“What do you want, Kali?”
“That’s just it. I don’t know.” She runs a hand through her hair, and I can’t help but notice the way the light moves through the dark red locks. “Do you know how much that trip to the Caelestis meant to me?”
I don’t have a clue, but she continues before I can say that.
“It was my first official duty—the first time my mother went against the Council and trusted me enough to let me represent her. I wanted so much to impress her.”
I frown. “Why?”
“Because she’s the Empress of Senestris, the most important person in the system, and she’s my mother.”
“I never knew my father, and my mother was murdered when I was eleven,” I find myself saying. I can’t believe I admitted that. I never talk about my mother.
Her eyes widen. “I’m so sorry, Ian. That must have been so hard.” She reaches out and touches my arm, and my skin burns beneath her touch.
Chemistry is so fucked up. Usually, I don’t mind that fact—hard to mind when you don’t spend more than a couple of days in any port and you can fly away from all your problems—but it sucks right now. Especially since every time I think she’s as big a monster as the rest of the Ruling Families, Kali proves me wrong.