Denise: They look old.
Tom: It’s been fourteen years. People age. Do you think you look different to the way you looked fourteen years ago?
Denise: I suppose.
Tom: Jean, can you check that file and see if there are any photos of Denise before …
Jean: Yes, there are some right here.
Tom: Denise, would you like to see what you looked like fourteen years ago?
Tom: Are you nodding your head or shaking it?
Denise: I want to see.
[Sounds of movement]
I think the tape has stopped, but it is just another long silence. Then there is the sound of tearing and scuffling and the child, me, whimpering. Dad is calm.
Tom: Why did you tear up those photos, Denise?
Denise: They want her. They don’t want me.
Tom: Who?
Denise: My mammy and daddy. They want that girl back.
Tom: That girl is you, Denise.
Denise: I don’t know her.
Tom: Jean told me that it was a stressful visit, Denise. You’re twenty-five now, isn’t that right? Can you imagine what it was like for your mammy and daddy, missing you for all those years, wondering what had happened to you?
Denise: Why didn’t they keep looking for me?
Tom: Well, it’s …
Jean: They never gave up hope that you were alive. Didn’t your mammy say that last night?
Denise: They didn’t try hard enough.
Tom: You know, Denise, it’s not possible to keep looking for someone forever.
[The sound of a child’s whispering]
Jean: What did you say, Mary?
Denise: Don’t talk to her.
Jean: I’m sorry.
Denise: Give me that.
Tom: The doll?
Denise: Give it to me.
[Noise of movement]
Tom: Mary might like to play with a doll. Has she seen one before?
Jean: What are you doing with the doll, Denise?
Denise: I’m doing up all the buttons. She shouldn’t be a little slut.
I stopped the tape. I knew what had happened to Denise. How she had protected me. I did not remember her voice or her face in the photographs, but I was incredibly sad for this stranger. Dad used to say that I had empathy in abundance, but I didn’t use it often enough.
I turned to Dad’s notes and took out a file at random.
Denise Norton D.O.B 05.04.55
26/09/80 WEEK 24
Hard to know if I am making any progress with Denise. Her mental capacity is severely diminished, and I would estimate her mental age at little more than when she was kidnapped: eleven years old. The contradiction is that she is an extremely overprotective mother. Mary can walk and talk, although she never uses her full voice and only whispers. Jean says there is no physical reason for this. She is toilet trained but will only go when her mother is present. Mary is approximately five or six years old according to the doctors and still has not been in the presence of other children. Denise holds her hand and must be in physical contact with her at all times. We have tried a cot bed beside Denise’s bed, but Denise refuses to let go of the child. Mary, sensing her mother’s fear, is also unwilling to let go. There was a mattress in one room and a child’s bedroom in the extension where they were kept, though maybe they always slept together on the mattress. The small bedroom looked uninhabited from the photos I saw. Denise rarely answers questions about their circumstances in Killiney. Jean has some half-baked theories but no evidence of anything.
Mary and Denise read the same books. Denise shows no interest in adult books or newspapers （this may be a blessing!） but this means that Mary’s reading is advanced for her age. Denise’s handwriting has not progressed beyond the year of her abduction. Mary’s reading ability is way ahead of her peers, not that she has ever met any peers.
We had another attempt at a family therapy session with Denise and her parents yesterday. Denise was uncommunicative and struck her father when he kissed the top of her head when leaving. Medication has only taken the edge off her anger and volatility. Mr and Mrs Norton are distraught and have repeatedly asked when will we be able to ‘fix’ Denise. They think we can magically restore her to normal and that they will then be able to take her home. They are keen, as are we, that we separate mother and child. They want to see their daughter unencumbered with Mary. In consultation with her parents, we have all agreed to tell Denise that Conor Geary is dead and there is no way she will ever see him again. Security at this site is high and the manhunt for the psychopath who has destroyed at least one life is under way. Sightings have been reported and clairvoyants are cashing in, but there have been no solid leads.
Denise did not respond when we told her he was dead and could never harm her. She does not trust any of us.
Both Jean and I have tried to open conversations about him, but we are met with screams which upset her and the child. I don’t know how we can ever broach the subject of what he might have done to her. My honest belief is that Denise is so damaged and has been brutalized for so long that any kind of normal life will be extremely unlikely.
She talks to Jean sometimes when they go out to walk around the grounds. She has allowed Jean to take Mary’s other hand when they are walking. So, in a way, Jean has made more progress than I. Denise wants to know what each flower is called and teaches little Mary the names and spellings. Jean reports that Mary constantly asks for Toby. Denise has told Jean that Toby is a toy bear. Denise’s parents have confirmed that when Denise was abducted from their garden in 1966, she was in possession of a teddy bear that she called Toby.
Denise has physically attacked me only once in the last week. The child was crying, so I instinctively reached out to console her. Denise charged at me like a pit bull and bit at my arm, while never letting go of the child. Again, we had to end the session early and Jean led them back to their quarters.
On the positive side, Denise and Mary have physically improved. They have both gained weight. Denise eats everything put before her and Mary copies everything Denise does. Denise is a striking-looking young woman, apart from the missing teeth, but she has the mind of a child. They both enjoy bath time and cry when they have to get out. But they look better. Denise’s hair has been cut short to stop her pulling it out, but she still tries, several times a day, and Mary copies her.
They are completely isolated here. Jean and I are both of the opinion that it is still too soon to introduce Denise to other people.
As for us, we are a bit sick of living on campus. There are four nurses and one other female paediatrician who attend Denise and Mary in our unit, but Jean and I need a break soon. It is exhausting to put so much effort into one case with so little reward.
The thing is, there is hope for the little one, if we can get both her and her mother to allow some gradual separation. We will keep trying. But this is the most gruelling case I have ever worked on and it’s the same for Jean. If we don’t make a breakthrough with Denise soon, she might break us all.
Toby was my bear, and my mother’s bear. My mother pulled her hair out too when she was distressed.
22
Peter, 1974
Hours passed, and she slept, I think. I pulled apart some bread and smeared some butter on it for my lunch. I took the rest of the food and put it under the chair beside my camp bed.
When my watch said five o’clock, I shouted at her to wake up. She had to make my dinner. Bacon, mashed potato and peas.