Elliot withdraws his hand and presses his glasses further onto his nose. ‘I was just thinking that while you were on the phone. I’d feel more comfortable about it, with me being in Iceland next week. I wouldn’t go but it’s an important client. I’ll ask Dad’s advice.’ He downs the rest of his coffee and hops off the stool. He kisses her lips, takes their mugs and puts them into the dishwasher, then heads out to his office.
It’s not until he’s gone that she remembers she still hasn’t told him about seeing Jonas yesterday.
She’s grateful that the remainder of the week is uneventful, and as Friday approaches Emilia can breathe again. Now that Elliot has installed the cameras she feels safer. But she vows to keep the porch door locked, just in case. The weekend is busy with a football match for Wilfie and netball for Jasmine. She’s relieved that Jasmine has seemed happier lately, making more effort to go out into the town centre with Nancy. Emilia is pleased that it isn’t Jonas’s turn to have their daughter this weekend. Even though she doesn’t have much time for Kristin she still feels guilty when she remembers her conversation with Jonas and she would rather avoid her.
Last night while lying in bed she’d finally told Elliot about bumping into her ex-husband. She had been putting it off because she knows he doesn’t think much of Jonas. ‘I’ll tolerate him because he’s the father of your daughter,’ he’d said, early on in their relationship. ‘But you can’t expect me to respect the guy after what he did to you. And don’t get me started on Kristin.’
Deep down she’d been pleased that he felt so strongly about her that her hurts were also his. Elliot took his marriage vows seriously. He was very black and white about betrayal and had told her on more than one occasion that he would never be able to forgive her if she ever cheated on him. She felt the same. She couldn’t go through it again, so she was relieved about his strong moral stance. It had been one of the reasons she’d allowed herself to fall in love with him. He had such high expectations but sometimes that made it hard for her to be honest with him.
They’d turned to face each other, the crisp white duvet pulled up to their chins, holding hands beneath the covers. She loved their bedroom, recently redecorated in varying shades of grey with a splash of purple threaded through the checked throw at the end of their bed. He’d reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘He’s a fool,’ he said, a slant of moonlight cutting across the cheekbones of his face. ‘Why remarry if he knows he’s going to cheat again?’
‘I don’t understand him either,’ she murmured. ‘I didn’t want to say anything to you about it in front of Jas. She adores him. And she likes Kristin – she was too young to remember all the heartbreak. I’ve tried to keep from her what they did.’
‘You’re a lot nicer about it than I could be. As long as he doesn’t come sniffing around you again.’ Even though he tried to sound light-hearted she could hear the jealousy in his tone.
She laughed and snuggled closer to him. ‘As if. I never thought I’d feel sorry for Kristin, but I do.’
Elliot leaves for his work trip on Monday morning. He hates flying, and she can sense his nervousness as he clutters the kitchen, getting in the way as she tries to make breakfast. He’d told her once, not long after they first met, that he’d had a ‘bit of a breakdown’ when he was a teenager and had had to go on anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants for a few years after his GCSEs. He’d stopped taking them long before he met her. Most of the time she wouldn’t know that he’d ever suffered from mental-health issues, but every now and again it shows, like wood grain through paint. She remembers a similar thing happening to Ottilie at school and she’d had to take some time off, as did a few others around the same age. She’d put it down to being at a high-pressured establishment where exam results mattered more than the pupils’ welfare. Elliot had gone somewhere similar, although it was two hundred miles away and a day school.
Jasmine is sitting at the dining table shovelling porridge into her mouth with one hand while tapping out a text with the other. Wilfie bounds into the room with his shirt hanging out and no jumper on.
‘Go and sit down,’ Emilia instructs her son, as she hands him his Shreddies. ‘Remember you’ve got PE today.’
‘Can we get a dog?’ he asks, taking the bowl and plonking himself next to Jasmine at the table.
‘Not at the moment.’ She shoves his trainers into his PE bag.
‘Why? All my friends have pets. It’s not fair. You keep saying we’ll get one and then you change your mind.’
‘Will you be the one to feed it? To walk it? To clear up its poo?’ she says mildly, pouring herself a cup of tea. She can see Elliot in her peripheral vision, searching through one of the kitchen drawers, his face grey.
‘Yes. I’ll do all those things! I promise.’
‘Like you did with the hamster? That all fell to me in the end.’
‘I was too young then. I was only five.’
‘I’d rather get a cat,’ says Jasmine, without looking up from her phone.
‘Cats are boring,’ says Wilfie. ‘If we got a dog –’
‘For Christ’s sake, Wilf,’ snaps Elliot. ‘Put a sock in it. Your mother’s said no!’
They all turn to Elliot in shock. He’s staring at his son with fury on his normally good-natured face. In his hand is his passport. Emilia notices that his hand is trembling.
Wilfie’s chin wobbles and Jasmine rolls her eyes as if this domestic scene is way beneath her, then turns back to her phone.
Emilia pats Wilfie’s shoulder in reassurance, then goes over to her husband. ‘Hey, are you okay?’
He runs a hand over his jaw. ‘I’m sorry. Sorry, bud,’ he says, going over to Wilfie and ruffling his curly hair. ‘Dad’s just got out of bed the wrong side this morning.’
Jasmine looks as if she wants to make some quip but Emilia shakes her head in warning and Jasmine lowers her eyes.
‘’S okay,’ says Wilfie but Emilia’s heart aches to see how subdued he is.
She rubs Elliot’s back. ‘It’ll be fine,’ she says.
‘I know. I’ll be okay once I’m at the airport,’ he replies, in a low voice. ‘I’m just a bit jittery, that’s all.’ He tries to hide his fear of flying from the kids, doesn’t want it imprinted on them.
A beep from outside alerts them to the taxi and he pulls her into a hug. ‘I’ll miss you,’ he says, into her hair.
‘I’ll miss you too. It’s not long. You’ll be back on Thursday.’
‘In time for your launch.’ He pulls away. ‘I just hate leaving at the moment after … you know.’
‘Nothing else has happened and your dad isn’t far. And Louise is just a few streets away. If the worst comes to the worst, I can even call Jonas.’
His expression darkens. ‘That’s a last resort.’
‘It is, don’t worry.’
Elliot hugs the kids, apologizes again to Wilfie, and Emilia follows him into the hallway. He picks up his suitcase. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been grumpy this morning.’