It was meant to be a joke, but, man, I was just on a roll today because Ray didn't laugh. Instead, she turned away as her eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip wriggled ferociously.
Quickly, I pressed my palms to her cheeks, cradling her face in my hands as I turned her gaze back to mine. “Hey, what's wrong?”
She bit her lip, a feeble attempt to keep her tears from falling, before she just gave up the fight altogether. “He probably thinks so poorly of me.”
My brows pinched as I shook my head. “What? No, baby. Of course he doesn't. Why would you think that?”
“Because I really know how to pick 'em,” she said, attempting to smile at her own poor excuse of a joke. “We all know his father is a piece of fucking garbage, but to add insult to injury, the first and only man I ever allow myself to fall in love with is an ex-con, convicted of”—she threw a gesture toward the ceiling and her eyes followed—“fucking manslaughter.”
“And possession of a controlled substance.” The corner of my mouth lifted in an apologetic smile while my heart begged to admit that she was the first and only woman I'd fallen in love with too.
A watery laugh pushed past her lips. “Oh, of course, silly me. How could I forget?”
“Baby, Noah doesn't think anything badly about you,” I assured her, tracing the curvature of her face with my fingertips. “All he cares about is that you're safe and happy. That's it. And he believes that, as long as you're with me, you are.”
She looked into my eyes, her tears drying sticky on her cheeks, as she nodded. “I know I am,” she whispered, wrapping her hands around my wrists.
“And he is too,” I assured her, feeling like a broken record while knowing I could never tell her enough.
I would tell her as much and as often as she needed.
The timer pierced the moment, letting us both know that dinner was ready, and she reluctantly left my lap with a feathery brush of her lips against my cheek. As I took the baked sea bass out of the oven, Ray went to change into something more comfortable—much to my chagrin. Then, when she returned minutes later, I was setting the table, instantly smiling at the sight of her in my T-shirt with her hair piled high on her head.
Librarian Ray might be the sexier of her personalities, but this Ray … comfortable, real, and relaxed …
This one surpassed the fantasy.
This one felt the most like mine. The one that best suited me.
“You’re giving me that look again,” she said, sidling up beside me to help set the table.
“What look?” I lifted the corner of my mouth in a teasing smile.
“The look you give me when I think you’re going to finally tell me how you feel, but then you find something else to distract yourself with. Which is fine. I understand, and it doesn’t change anything between us. But … that’s the look. And I know that because I know I look at you the same way.”
I couldn’t stop my chuckle from rumbling gently through my chest. How she had me pegged so accurately, it blew my mind.
My heart rattled against my ribs, hammering frantically with an uncertain panic that I knew was absurd.
“Ray,” I said, watching as she busied herself with placing the three plates at each of the chairs.
“I’m not trying to guilt you, Soldier. That’s not the type of relationship we have. We do things at our own pace; I love that we’re able to do that. You’ll say what you need to say in your own time. I just—”
“I love you.”
The final plate slipped from her hand to drop at Noah’s spot at the table as she turned to face me, her lips parted and her eyes already welling up with fresh tears. “What?”
With those words now out in the universe, my chest puffed with a new confidence, a sense of freedom, as I gripped her shoulders in my hands and said, “I love you,” enunciating every word and enjoying the way each one felt on my tongue.
Ray clapped a hand over her mouth as she laughed through the tears. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised. I already knew … I mean, I thought I knew, and—”
“What are you guys doing?” Noah entered the room, eyeing us with the sass of a surly teenager.
“I love your mom,” I declared proudly, and he met my eye with a knowing twitch of his lips.
“About time,” he muttered as he dropped into his chair.
“And I love you too, Noah.”
His eyes were quick to flit toward mine, distracted from the casserole dish of baked fish and vegetables. It pained me to witness his confusion, as if he still couldn’t understand that my commitment to his mother extended to him as well. He swallowed, licking his lips through the hesitation, then nodded without saying a word.
Ray held her hands to my cheeks, and I pressed a kiss to her lips.
“Thank you,” she whispered on an exhale.
“Don’t thank me for what I’d be doing anyway,” I replied before kissing her once more.
We sat down together, ready to enjoy the meal Noah had caught earlier in the day. And as they helped themselves and smiled at each other while we headed into this new chapter of our relationship, I took a moment to quietly look at them. To allow the realization that, in some way, we had become a family to settle in. I loved these people. I had chosen them, the way I’d once chosen Billy’s mom to be mine, but this time, they’d chosen me too.
This is my favorite day, I found myself thinking. This is the best day of my freakin’ life.
And little did I know then, it would be the last good day we’d have together in this chapter of my life.
But it really was … a very, very good day.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
NO MORE SUNSHINE
What is that? I thought the moment I was shaken abruptly from a comfortable, restful sleep, my arm around Ray’s waist and her back pressed to my chest. Is someone playing music?
I opened one eye just a crack, only to be greeted by the darkness of night.
What time is it?
Does it fucking matter? It’s obviously too early—or late—for someone to be playing that shit.
But the music continued to play.
With an angry grumble, I pulled a pillow over my head, ignoring the irritating sound and closing my eyes again. My nose found Ray’s hair and the springtime flowers and lavender she kept there, and I smiled to myself despite the noise.
I love her, I love her, I love her, I thought, allowing the truest of truths to resound louder than the offending noise penetrating my ear drums despite the pillow.
I love her, I love her, I love her.
And how lucky I am to be given that chance.
How lucky we both are to be given each other.
I love her, I love her, I love her, I love …
Then, with a smile, I fell back to sleep before the music stopped.
***
“Brawny, get up. Your alarm keeps going off.”
I didn’t know if it was her voice or her finger poking me in the ribs, stomach, and crook of my neck that woke me up first, but I did eventually open my eyes from beneath the pillow over my head.
When the hell did that get there?
I pulled it off and yawned. Only then did I open my eyes to Ray, already showered and dressed in her library attire.
“Fantasy librarian Ray,” I muttered groggily, and she glanced over her shoulder with an amused smile, mid-lipstick application.