How I had never noticed before that we had the same eyes and nose, I had no idea. I guessed I’d just never thought to look.
He leaned back in his chair, studying me as I studied him. Taking each other in for the first time, apart from outside influences. There was nobody to impress. Nobody to fight—that part was over; it had been for four years.
“So,” he finally said, breaking the silence while steepling his hands on the table.
“So, I guess you’re my uncle.”
Levi actually barked a laugh. “Sorry to break it to ya.”
I tipped my head and shrugged. “It is what it is. Can’t choose who we’re related to.”
He nodded slowly, as if to agree. “I heard you died.”
I held up two fingers. “Twice actually.”
He leaned back in his chair, turning down the corners of his mouth. “Impressive. But it figures a big motherfucker like you would have nine lives.” He twisted his lips and dropped his gaze to the table. “More than I can say for Seth.”
There wasn’t any bitterness or anger in the statement. Only a residual, lingering sadness that I knew all too well.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. Not to apologize for my wife or what she had done to save our lives four years ago. But to offer my condolences for a loss I assumed to be great.
Levi brought his gaze back to mine and lifted his chin in acknowledgment of the subtle olive branch. “Hey, eye for an eye, right? I supplied the shit that killed your best friend; your woman killed mine. And besides”—he shrugged and shook his head—“I can’t say the asshole didn’t have it coming. Something was bound to get him eventually.”
Hearing the confession come from his lips that he was the one who had given my mom the drugs that would end Billy’s life stirred something inside me that had been sleeping dormant for the past few years. I had learned better to live with the grief and sadness while carrying on with life as a husband and dad—a good one, one I would’ve wanted for myself. But that guy had been left at home, and the Soldier Mason of the past fought to keep his hands to himself.
“You wanted to kill my mom,” I accused, knowing the statement to be true.
And Levi didn’t even try to deny it. “Yeah, I did. Or at least, that was the plan anyway.”
He sat up straighter and shifted on his chair, making himself more comfortable.
“You gotta understand something, man. This was never supposed to be my life. We had it good for a long time. I mean, even in that shithole of a town, my family was okay. We had money. My parents had decent jobs. We had a nice house. But David met your mom and went all stupid over her even though my folks more or less threatened him with his life not to see her …” He chuckled sadly before saying, “I guess that isn’t really that funny.
“Anyway, I hated that bitch for what she did to him—well, to all of us, really, but mostly him. He loved her. Would’ve given her the freakin’ world if he could, and then he knocked her up, and … I dunno. We were all hoping that would be what turned shit around. Like, if David was gonna insist on being with Diane, then maybe having a kid would—”
“Save them?” I lifted a corner of my mouth in a sardonic half smile. One I knew he wouldn’t understand.
But he nodded, surprised to find I had gotten what he was implying. “Yeah. Exactly. But, of course, that’s not what happened. She kept the baby—you—from him for who the hell really knows why. I don’t think any of us really got it. Maybe … I dunno. Maybe she was scared my parents would fight your grandparents for custody or some shit. Only God knows what was going through that bitch’s head. But it fuckin’ ruined my brother, man. He wanted you so bad.”
My heart ached a little for the father I’d never had a chance to know. The one who had wanted me more than my mother ever did. I wanted to know about him. What he had been like, who he had been, how much of him I could find in myself—all of the things I had never cared much to know until I learned that my father had a name.
David Stratton.
“Then, after he died, my dad …” Levi’s eyes clouded with his own sadness and pain—something I recognized deeply. “He hated your mom, yet he went to hell and back, trying to protect her from herself—for you. But the stress and depression over burying my brother drove him to a massive heart attack. Killed him”—he snapped his fingers—“just like that, right in front of me.”
My lips fell open with a gasp I kept concealed. Giving him the space to continue his confession. One I wanted, but hadn’t even had to ask for.
It was like he needed to tell it as much as I needed to listen.
“Mom went a few months later. Pneumonia. And what the hell was I supposed to do, huh? It was just Seth and me at that point. David had already fucked up his reputation by the time he died, so I figured I’d follow in his footsteps ’cause what else did I have?”
I answered then, “You could’ve gotten a job, man. You could’ve done better for yourself.”
His face hardened, turning his features to stone. “Oh, hey, pot. It’s me, kettle. I’d shake your hand if I wasn’t chained to this fucking table.” He rattled the cuffs to further prove his point.
“We all made our fucking choices,” he continued. “We knew what we were doing, but we did what we had to do. Simple as that. I’m not judging you, but you sure as fuck had better not judge me.”
I twisted my lips, thinking about that for a moment, only to realize he was right. Maybe in the beginning, I hadn’t understood the tragic magnitude of what I was doing, back when I was naive and young. But eventually when I was older—wiser—I knew. I just couldn’t stop, not until I had been forced to.
“Fair enough,” I conceded with a bow of my chin.
He relaxed again, just a little. “I’m not proud of the shit I did or what happened to Billy—fucking kid didn’t have that coming. But nothing we can do about it now. You’re just lucky you got out when you did. Seth would’ve gotten to you before he got to your mom.”
“What?” I let my mouth fall open, shocked by the sudden revelation. “I thought—”
Levi’s eyes softened just a little. “I didn’t kill your mom, man. Back in the day, I’d hated her, yeah. She had driven my brother crazy, she had killed him, and I had wanted her as cold and dead as he was … but …” He sucked in a deep breath, then said on his exhale, “I, uh … I dunno … when you were locked up, we … we hooked up, and, uh, I guess I sorta grew to love her.”
He licked his lips and kept his eyes on the chains holding him down. Hiding the sorrow he held in his heart, and I realized then that someone had actually loved my mom in the end. The warmth of knowing someone had cared for her—in whatever dysfunctional, fucked up way—brought a relief I hadn’t known I needed, and I struggled not to tear up from the gratitude coursing through my bones.
“Anyway”—Levi cleared his throat and swallowed hard—“Seth pumped her with those fucking pills, and I helped him cover it up after the fact.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. “But I—I told the cops—”