“Gage used to be a priest,” Jack reminded me. “He’s out front waiting for the elephant.”
“Thank God.” I looked up at the sky. “No offense.”
Gage was sitting on the steps beside Chloe. No words were being shared. I didn’t understand a relationship that seemed to be silence only.
“Gage!” I ran up to join them. “I need a priest. You used to be a priest. Can you do the ceremony?”
“As I told you before . . .” He lifted an eyebrow in censure. “I was released from my sacred duties. I cannot defile a sacred sacrament with my unholy presence in the sight of God.”
“Not really where I saw this one going,” I said, catching the negativity vibe. “If you can run around shooting people, why can’t you pretend to be a priest? I can’t follow your logic.”
“That’s religion for you.”
“If he were an ordained minister,” Chloe said, “he could perform the ceremony.” She scrolled through her phone. “He can register online. A few clicks and he can be legally ordained to perform weddings. It’s fast, free, and easy, and registration gives him access to training materials and a wedding ceremony script generator. He even gets a certificate. It says here this is one of Earth’s largest and most active religious organizations.”
“What about Mars?” Gage asked. “Are they big on Mars, too?”
“Don’t be grumpy,” Chloe said. “You’ll also be able to do baptisms and funerals. Just think of it as a new skill set that will open you up to a world of new possibilities.”
“Only you could see this as a good thing,” Gage murmured under his breath, but not before his dark eyes softened.
“I see a bad thing, too.” Chloe scrolled through her phone. “You have to wait forty-eight hours to get your certificate.” She checked her phone again. “Or we can pay an extra fifty dollars for expedited four-hour processing.”
“That’s perfect,” I said. “Gage could even do a minister-priest wedding mash-up.” My mind was racing, my heart was pounding, and I felt totally and utterly alive.
“Your irreverence is killing me,” Gage said. “I have a feeling that deities of all cultures will be lined up to kick your ass into Hell when the day comes.”
“Are you going to wear robes?” Chloe flushed, her voice dropping to a husky rasp. I’d almost forgotten she had a thing for books about kinky priests.
Gage studied her with interest. “Do you want me to wear robes?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard and licked her lips.
“I’ll wear robes.”
For a moment I was torn between throwing a bucket of water over them and calling the hospital to check up on the priest. Since I was a professional, I made the call, and immediately wished I hadn’t.
“The priest was poisoned,” I told Mr. Angelini in his office after I got off the phone. “They think it was the soup. I checked in the kitchen for the pot to send them a sample for the lab, but I couldn’t find it.” I’d already talked to Rose when I searched the kitchen. She was busy managing the catering staff, but she assured me she was all over the case of the poisoned priest.
“Who’s going to officiate at the wedding?” Mr. Angelini didn’t seem shocked or surprised to hear that someone had tried to poison one of God’s representatives on Earth in his home and then disposed of the evidence, but then I suppose if you’re used to chopping off hands and slitting throats on a daily basis, a little poisoning is pretty tame.
“One of the members of my team used to be a priest,” I said. “He was released from his sacred duties some time ago and now handles elephants for us, but he is also an ordained minister and can perform the ceremony. If you like the priest look, he still has his robes, but he can’t do a Catholic ceremony. I think he’s afraid God might smite him or hit him with a bolt of lightning or send him to a bad place.”
Mr. Angelini blew a smoke ring in my face. “I don’t care how he does it so long as it’s legally binding. As I told you before, you don’t want to disappoint me.”
“Of course.” I stifled a cough as the acrid smoke filled my lungs. “The ceremony will go ahead as planned.”
After stopping by the bathroom to throw up my breakfast after my unsettling meeting with Mr. Angelini, I went to see Bella to explain what had happened. She was having a few quiet moments alone in her room between hair and makeup.
“Poisoned?” Bella gasped and staggered back, clutching her chest, her reaction as dramatic as her father’s had been understated. “We should cancel the wedding. Out of respect.”
“I’ve come up with a solution,” I said. “Gage used to be a priest and in four hours he will be an ordained minister. Your dad wants to see his certificate, but if we can get you married before it arrives, your marriage will technically be invalid. You won’t even need to get an annulment for lack of consummation. I can give the certificate to your father after the ceremony, and by the time he finds out the marriage was invalid, you’ll be long gone. Chloe will be able to fake some kind of computer glitch that will absolve us of blame. I hate to say it, because I feel terrible for the priest, but this makes things even easier for you. Now you won’t even be legally married. No trying to get an annulment while you’re in hiding. You’ll be free.”
Far from being excited about the plan, Bella sighed. “Do you have to solve every damn problem?”
“I thought you’d be pleased.” I fought back my disappointment. “It’s one less thing for you to worry about. If we don’t have the wedding, how will you escape? Everyone is distracted. The outdoor security system is off. The security guards are busy watching the guests. This is still your best chance to get away.”
“No wedding would have made me more pleased.” She tightened the belt on her robe and walked over to the window. “If by some chance the marriage turns out to be valid, Mario will never stop hunting for me. Your minister cannot be ordained when we say ‘I do.’？” She turned to face me, her eyes cold and hard. “Do you understand?”
“Of course.” I didn’t appreciate her condescending attitude after I’d come up with such an amazing solution to the problem of the poisoned priest on short notice. I’d also arranged to help her escape, putting my crew at risk. A simple thank-you would have been nice. A “you’re incredible” would have been even better. I chalked it up to wedding nerves.
After I checked the kitchen again for the missing soup pot, I grabbed Chloe, Jack, and Gage for a huddle.
“Someone poisoned the priest. Bella isn’t the only one who doesn’t want this wedding to go ahead. Maybe it’s another Mafia family who would be threatened by the merger.”
“Maybe it was just bad soup,” Gage said.
“The hospital is certain it was poison. They identified the drug and said it cannot accidentally find its way into soup.”
“You gotta have balls to poison a priest,” Gage said. “We’ve got a stone-cold killer in the house.”
“I don’t care who is in the house so long as the wedding goes ahead. We’ve all got jobs to do. Keep your eyes open and don’t eat any soup.”