“I need to get back to the kitchen,” Rose said. “It’s crazy in there. The Italian nonnas are all up in everyone’s business. Apparently, the food isn’t the way they make it in Italy, and they threw away an entire bowl of dijonnaise. Chef Pierre almost got into a fight with one of them over the tiramisu.”
“I had a bad dijonnaise once.” Emma leaned against a low stone retaining wall. “I was on a cruise with my mom and twelve of her best friends. I should have known when I saw it untouched at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Some things should not be left unrefrigerated. Thank God I had my own cabin because I owned that toilet for the next three days, and the smell . . . it was so bad, they thought they had a sewage leak.”
Anil looked up from his phone. “Why do your stories always end up with you on a toilet?”
“Why don’t I take you to the nearest portable and stick your head down it so you can see?”
“How about we have a conversation that doesn’t involve things that should stay on the inside coming outside,” Chloe said gently. “This is a wedding. We should be thinking light, happy, beautiful thoughts.”
“I’m thinking about how the bride’s Mafia boss father is forcing her into marriage with a cruel, controlling psycho so their families don’t whack each other,” Cristian said. “There is nothing fun, beautiful, or light about that.”
I had explained to Cristian that Rose had taken his place in the heist, but for old times’ sake he could hang with the crew. I’d updated him on the recent developments and enjoyed watching his face when I told him how we were going to help Bella escape. I hated to admit it because I was still annoyed that he’d blown us off, but it was nice to have him back.
“Bella’s mom is over there,” I said, pointing to the front row of the nearest aisle. “Make sure she doesn’t see you. I still can’t believe you’re even here. I thought you were afraid of her.”
“That’s because I was single,” he said. “Now I’m in a committed relationship with . . .” He trailed off, circling his hand as if we would know the name of his latest conquest.
“You don’t know the bridesmaid’s name,” I sighed. “Do you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m with her. There’s no risk of temptation.”
Emma stared at him, her eyes wide. “Are you saying you gave up over eight hundred grand because you were afraid you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants?”
“Women are attracted to me,” Cristian said, adjusting the cuffs on his shirt. “It’s a gift and a curse. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have this gorgeous face and hot body.”
“Uh-oh. She’s looking this way.” Rose grabbed Cristian’s arm, pulling him back. “Hide in the shadows.”
“Too late. She saw me.” Cristian lifted his hand in a weak wave, his voice rising to a shaky pitch. “I shouldn’t have come. I just felt bad things didn’t work out the first time and I wanted to help. What if she wants a session? I can’t bone a Mafia boss’s wife in his own house.”
“I thought you already boned her,” Emma said. “And from the way her two friends are looking at you, I’m guessing you boned them as well.”
“Could we use a different word?” Chloe asked. “Bone is so . . . well . . . hard.”
Emma snickered, her gaze flicking to Gage, who was standing under the flower bower with Mario, waiting for the bride. She clearly missed her partner in crime.
“I thought you were a life coach,” Anil said.
Cristian tried to pull his front tuft of hair down over his face as if it would make a difference. “Most women want coaching in one particular aspect of life.”
“What aspect?”
“Coitus.” Emma pumped her fists and rocked her hips. “Also known as fornication, doing it, getting laid, knocking boots, doing the Devil’s dance, shagging, screwing, nailing, banging, or doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch.”
Jack swept my hair away and pressed a kiss to the nape of my neck, sending a wave of heat rippling across my skin. “I have another word,” he whispered. “We can try it out tonight.”
“Stop it. Bad.” I turned to admonish him, and he caught me with a kiss.
“You teach women how to have relations,” Anil said, studiously ignoring us. “It’s a noble and useful profession.”
“Actually, my clients—all women of a certain age—don’t really need lessons,” Cristian said. “They have experience, and they know what they like. It’s very refreshing. There’s no guesswork involved.”
“That’s what all my men say.” Rose gave Chef Pierre an exaggerated wink.
“Shh.” I glared at them. “You’re attracting attention. We’re supposed to be professionals.”
Sunlight sparkled on the water and danced over the freshly mowed grass. The string quartet played the wedding march and Bella’s father nodded curtly as he walked his daughter down the aisle.
“Why is the elephant standing behind the arch?” Jack whispered. “And what’s with all the head-patting?”
“She bonded with Gage,” I said. “Now she won’t leave him alone. She wasn’t happy when Chloe helped him change out of his leather jacket into a suit. Chloe got a trunk swat to the head.”
“He can’t perform a wedding ceremony with an elephant patting his hair.”
“Tell that to the elephant.”
“What happened to the handler?” Jack asked.
“He’s inside having a snooze. He said the elephant doesn’t want him there and that his presence would agitate her. Apparently, you don’t want to get on an elephant’s bad side.”
To his credit, Gage didn’t seem perturbed by the amorous elephant behind him during the ceremony. He followed the script I’d printed for him off the Internet without even a hitch in his voice, seemingly unaffected by the elephant stroking his hair. The bride and groom exchanged vows, rings, and a perfunctory kiss. I called it a win.
Emma took the bridal party for pictures. The guests drank champagne and ate chocolate-covered strawberries to the dulcet tones of the string quartet. The elephant became a TikTok sensation. I left discreet piles of business cards on every table.
* * *
◆ ◆ ◆
?When dinner was finally served, I put my heist crew into play. Chloe hid in the bathroom with her laptop, ready to jam the system if we tripped any alarms. Anil hovered in the bushes near the office window, pretending to be on an important call. Jack joined me in the office hallway with a bunch of helium balloons.
“I’ve put balloons in front of the back entrance camera and at various places around the house, so the placement doesn’t look deliberate,” he said, tying five pink and white balloons to the small table under the hallway camera. “If anyone is checking the cameras, they won’t see anything.”
With Rose keeping a lookout at the entrance near the kitchen, Jack picked the office lock with some nifty gadgets in a black leather case. Once inside, we closed the door, leaving Rose to stand guard. Jack had no trouble finding the catch for the hidden bookcase. Moments later, it swung forward to reveal the safe.