No.
She seemed to realize it at the same moment.
“I won’t,” she said quietly beside me and my brother stiffened.
I nodded. “I won’t either. Don’t think of it. For now, we celebrate.”
She dipped her chin, but the sickness in my stomach didn’t leave me.
The mead started to flow then, the packs from all over began to pour it down my throat since I couldn’t use my bandaged hands.
Every hour on the hour Eliza and I were hoisted into the air and carried around the tented field while everyone chanted, “Champions.”
By the fourth pint of mead, Eliza and I were cackling in laughter at any small thing. Axil had even come to join the party which had assembled at the bonfire in front of my tent. It was hard to get drunk as a shifter: we burned it off too quickly, but I was well and truly buzzed right now.
“You throwing the dirt in her eyes was so cool!” a little wolven girl told me. “I’m using that move one day when I’m chosen as champion.”
I smiled at her. “We’ll make sure you have a good coach.” I tried not to slur and the little girl nodded.
Her mother gave me a knowing smile and told the child it was time for bed.
By the time two more hours had passed, it was late and most everyone else had gone to sleep. Eliza, Cyrus, Axil and I were stomping around the fire in a circle, singing songs of old while shaking our half-drunk pints of mead. Everything felt numb and good and the blood-soaked gauze on my hands was a distant memory. A few wolven from my pack were playing songs on the drums when Axil asked me to dance.
Eliza knew that my heart belonged to him and so I knew she wouldn’t mind if we danced. Though relationships with the king were forbidden, surely a dance wouldn’t prove anything to anyone.
I threw my arms around his neck, careful of my healing hands as he gripped my waist and we swayed to the music. With the mead flowing through my system, I had no filter left to cover my words.
“I never stopped loving you,” I whispered into his ear as he gripped me tightly. “Even when I hated you, I loved you.”
There had been an Axil-sized hole in my heart that was never going to be healed by anyone except him.
His lips brushed against my ear. “I’ve loved you from that first day at camp, Zara,” he said and my stomach fluttered. “And that’s why you have to kill Eliza tomorrow.”
My body went rigid and I pulled back with wide eyes. I shook my head vigorously and Axil leaned his forehead against mine. “Only the last wolf standing can be my wife, Zara,” he said and the mead suddenly flushed from my system. Sobriety, mixed with horror, rushed through me.
Could I kill her? To be with the love of my life?
I glanced across the fire to see Eliza laughing and with my older brother. She was so carefree, her smile so genuine and her laugh full of such innocence. She wasn’t made for this competition and yet somehow, she had fought her way to the top.
A sister for a husband?
I dropped my hands from around Axil’s neck and took a step back. “I’m beat. I need some sleep,” I told him.
Concern flashed across his face and he nodded. “Do you want to come to my—”
I shook my head. “I’ll sleep with my pack. Last night,” I said.
Tomorrow I would be dead, or his wife.
He nodded, swallowing hard, and Eliza’s laughter died down as she looked over at me. “Going to bed?”
I bobbed my head. “I’m exhausted,” I lied. I probably wouldn’t sleep a wink. Killing someone I had grown so close to wasn’t something I was sure I was capable of.
She frowned.
The tension of our reality hung in the air like a tangible thing. Axil took two steps towards Eliza. “Come see me first thing in the morning, Eliza. I’ll break your temporary pack bond and take you back into Death Mountain pack.”
Temporary? That hurt and yet I knew it had to be done. I couldn’t fight a packmate to the death. It was insane.
Her face was completely void of any emotion and she just nodded.
The drums had stopped and my brother seemed to pick up on the awkwardness of this whole thing. “Well, we should get to bed. Goodnight, everyone,” he said to all those who still lingered at the bonfire and then walked over to me, physically pushing me inside our tent.
I looked up at my big brother with tears swimming in my eyes and was surprised to see that he too looked emotional.
“Cyrus, I can’t,” I whimpered.
He released a shaky breath. “You have to, Zara.”
I didn’t sign up for this, to kill someone I cared about!
I tore across the tent and then slipped into my hammock, covering my face with the fur blanket so that I could hide from the world.
It wasn’t fair and I couldn’t do it. I heard the hissing of the fire as my brother put it out with a bucket of water and then my packmates whispered as they bid each other goodnight. They all slipped into their hammocks as I lay awake, the buzz of the mead fully worn off thanks to my rapid healing. My hands barely hurt anymore, already mending, and my mind was a complete mess. I was plagued with memories of Axil and our love story. Who meets their mate at fifteen years old? But then my mind would bring up memories of Eliza. How she’d done nothing but protect me and watch my back since I got here. She needed me.
Like Axil had said, I was nothing if not loyal. But who should I be loyal to? My love for Axil? Or for Eliza? I tossed and turned for hours, long after Cyrus and the others fell into a deep slumber and started snoring.
I just lay there, my mind spiraling as I stared out of the open flap of the tent and looked up at the moon.
Maker, help me. I prayed for the first time in a long time. This was too much to bear.
NINE
I knew I wouldn’t sleep; I’d come to terms with that. Instead, I just lay awake as the hours ticked by. Footsteps sounded outside and I perked up when I saw a shadow cross over the tent. Suddenly Eliza was standing in the doorway and for a wild second I thought she meant to assassinate me before our fight and I welcomed it.
Take the decision from me and just end it all, I begged.
But she wasn’t holding a weapon and she looked like she’d been crying. She walked right up to my hammock, staring down at me.
“Can’t sleep?” she whispered to me.
I shook my head and she nodded that I should follow her outside. I sat up, stepping out of the hammock and followed her into the crisp cool night. It was chilly and so I pulled my fur cloak on to keep me warm.
“What’s up?” I asked, praying she wouldn’t beg me to spare her life.
She turned to face me with an eerie calmness. “I said goodbye to my family a few hours ago and then tried to escape to Cinder Mountain,” she said flatly and I gasped.
“You wha— what happened?” I looked at her more closely now, noticing some dirt and cuts on her arms.
She sighed. “The advisors have the entire mountain surrounded by Royal Guards. After the other two girls fled, no one can get out. They want their last fight, they want their queen.”
My heart broke then. She’d tried to leave, to give me a chance to win without anyone getting killed. She failed.
“Eliza, I can’t—”
She held up a hand and then finally met my gaze. “I never expected to make it this far,” she said with a smile. “My family understands the situation and tomorrow I’m going to forfeit.”