Sun god help whoever had to purchase property with him, if this was the extent of his judgment.
“Oh yes,” I said sarcastically. “Thank the sun god we’ve found this rock in particular.” I patted the top. “I like the poop-brown color.”
We were halfway up the side of the jagged cliff face surrounded by nothing but snow and icy wind.
The visibility was shit.
Malum snarled, “That is not funny.”
Scorpius snickered, and I pointed at him with satisfaction. Malum looked like he was having an aneurysm.
“You sure about that?” I asked as I kicked a rock, and it tumbled off the mountain’s sheer cliff face. I admired the steep incline; you could really do some damage if you fell off. All your bones would be easily broken.
“Oooh, I’m going to fall.” I flailed my arms and pretended to stumble.
Faster than my eyes could track, Malum grabbed me around the waist and threw us both away from the edge.
I landed on top of him.
For a long moment, we lay in stunned silence.
“You’re an idiot. It was just a joke,” I said haughtily as Orion and Scorpius yanked me to my feet.
Malum exploded into angry scarlet flames as he stood. His expression was pure violence.
“Sadie would have laughed,” I pointed out as I pursed my lips and rubbed my hands together. They were frozen solid.
Men truly had no sense of humor.
“Don’t mention that whore in front of us,” Scorpius sneered.
I gaped at him. Sadie wasn’t exaggerating when she’d said the men were still jealous of her for having fake shower sex with me.
“Oh my sun god,” I exclaimed. “Is it hard?”
The three of them straightened and looked around for danger. “Is what hard?”
“Being so stupid?” I asked at the same time Scorpius asked, “My cock?”
I ignored him.
Flames sizzled as they shot higher off Malum’s arms, and I smirked with triumph. It was too easy to rile him up. I might have even called it a hobby.
Their ire was even more satisfying because they thought I was their precious Revered. They were all, you’re our mate, we’ll kill everyone and cherish you forever. They were so into me.
It was so cringy.
I pitied them.
They couldn’t handle me—few could. I had the body of a large bird, mind of a lunatic, and personality of a divorced middle-aged woman with a shopping addiction.
I was perfect.
“Deep breaths,” Scorpius barked at Malum and grabbed his neck in a tight grip.
I covered my mouth to hide my laughter, and Orion looked over at me with exasperation.
“Is Mitch seriously going to kill us all right now with his fire?” I asked between gasps.
Somehow I’d gone from sleeping in the warm embrace of John to being halfway up a mountainside while Malum struggled not to burn us all to death.
Emotionally, this was too much for me.
Delirium was setting in. Also, I was 99 percent sure I was still intoxicated.
No one responded, because they were too busy trying to help Malum get control of himself.
To help the situation, I pointed at the flaming king and said, “You need therapy.”
A muscle in Malum’s jaw ticked, and when he spoke, flames shot out of his mouth. “We are literally in therapy with you.” He roared and painted the cold air in shades of scarlet.
I grimaced.
Some people didn’t get sarcasm.
I sat down on the ugly boulder and blew into my cupped hands. “How long is this going to take?” Tucking my pipe between my lips, I closed my eyes with relief as I inhaled drugs. “Can we hurry this up? I want to go back and cuddle the twins.”
Malum screamed out more fire.
“You sound like a dying cow,” I said as I held my arms out to get some of the warmth from his fire. I exhaled with relief as I defrosted. At least he was good for something.
Malum fell to his knees, still screaming, and the scene was reminiscent of when he’d lost control on the shore of Elite Academy. Back then I’d been concerned about him and had stepped in to help.
That was before he’d chosen me for the last competition.
Now, I didn’t care.
I studied my abused nails and made a mental list of products. Cuticle softener wasn’t a need; it was a must. A clear coat would do me wonders, and what did a woman have to do around here to get some vanilla-scented lotion?
My fictional lover would have given me a basket with nail care on the first day of being in this hostile environment.
A good man would protect my cuticles.