Until he lifted his head and looked down. “Suze?”
No one had been close to me at all, and I’d been doing pretty well with my clothes, but I was definitely starting to show. I couldn’t close my jeans, so I turned them under and wore big peasant blouses. At home, I still wore the giant horrible dresses my dad insisted upon, and nothing showed beneath them.
Joel moved his hand to my belly. “Are you pregnant?”
To him, I couldn’t tell a lie. I nodded.
He closed his eyes, rested his forehead against mine. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I don’t know.” I hung my head. “I was scared.”
Joel pulled me into him, into a fierce hug. “I’m so sorry, Suze. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry—you must have been so worried.”
We both cried. Cried because we were sad and mad and had no power. And then we walked away from school and up to the house on the hill, where we stayed all day, eating snacks we picked up at the market and drinking soda and trying to figure out what to do. We tried to come up with a plan ourselves, but it was hard to know who would help and who would separate us again.
Of course the person who came to mind for both of us was Beryl. She would not betray us. She would help us figure out a plan. Tomorrow, we would go see her.
Then, both exhausted, we stretched out on the floor and turned to each other and made love gently. It was so holy I wept again, feeling something in me heal and unfurl. With Joel, I was safe and loved and whole.
It was the last time we were together. That very evening, my father saw me silhouetted against the light coming through the window in the church kitchen. He beat me so fiercely I thought I might die, and if I did the baby would die. When he’d worn himself out with the belt and his fists, he made me kneel and shaved my head.
I waited until he was in bed and walked my bruised and battered self to Amma’s house. Choking, knowing I didn’t have much time until my dad came for me, I asked to use the phone, and called Joel.
His mom answered. “You need to stay away from him,” she said, and hung up.
I would have respected it, but this was urgent. I called back, and before she could say anything, I said, “Please, my dad is going to send me away. I just want to talk to him one time.”
“He’s not here,” she said, and hung up.
That’s when I threw up blood and Beryl took me to the hospital.
Phoebe
I was swimming in our pool （maybe for the last time, because my dad said there was a buyer very interested） when my dad came to get me. “Phoebe, it’s Amma on the phone.”
“Can I just call her back?”
“No, honey, you need to take it.”
So I climbed out of the pool and wrapped myself in a beach towel and sat down with the phone by the back door. “Hello?”
“Phoebe, I have some bad news.”
“Did somebody die? Not Suze?” I covered my mouth, shaking before she even said the rest.
“No, she’s not dead, but her dad beat her up pretty bad. She’s in the hospital.”
Tears leaked out of my eyes. In a whisper, I asked, “Is she going to be okay?”
“That’s a hard question to answer. She’s in pretty bad shape both physically and emotionally, and she could probably use a good friend in her corner.”
“Can I come down there?”
“Her father isn’t letting anyone in to see her, and unfortunately he has a lot of people on his side.”
“How can he be in charge? Why didn’t they arrest him? That’s child abuse!”
“It absolutely is. But—” She struggled for control. I heard her clear her throat. “He isn’t going to be charged.”
Fiercely I said, “I hate him so much. It’s not fair.”
“It isn’t.” She paused again. “You should know he also shaved her head.”
“What?” I started to cry in earnest. “Why?”
“There’s no reason for a man like that to do what he does. But—” She paused and I thought it was odd, and my body thought it was even weirder because my heart squeezed really hard and I couldn’t quite catch my breath. “Did you know she was pregnant?”
My brain ran the scenes backward over the summer. I could answer honestly, “No.”
“Okay, then you need to let her tell you.”
“I really need to come see her.”
“No, that’s not a good idea. But I’ll see if I can get you a phone call. Her dad is not letting any of us get in there.”