“How did you know he beat her up?”
“She ran away to my house to get away from him.” And I heard something in her voice that was very, very rare—a dark, wild emotion, filled with nuances I didn’t quite get. Fury. Despair. “I got her to the hospital.”
“Amma! She’s my best friend in the whole world. I have to see her.”
“I know, Phoebe. And I know there’s been a lot on your plate this year, but you have to trust me. There will be a time you can be more help to her than you can now. If you write some letters, I’ll get them to her one way or another.”
“And a phone call! Please!”
“I’ll see what I can do, sweetheart. Now, let your dad give you some TLC and remember that you are a very strong person. You’re going to get through this season of darkness.”
“But will Suze?”
She hesitated. “I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure she does.”
“Good,” I said, and hung up the phone. My dad was there, hugging me, and I wished that Suze had just one person in her life like him.
But I guessed she did. Amma. And maybe me, if I was strong enough. I leaned into my dad and wept, worrying about her, and then I had an idea. “Dad, can I make another phone call? I want to call Joel.”
“Is that her boyfriend?”
For a long moment, I thought about it. And that was the first time I knew that they loved each other. I squished the knowledge down into a tiny knot of bitter jealousy. Choosing denial, I said, “Just her friend, but I want to make sure he knows what’s going on.”
I dialed the number I had for him, but it came back with an electronic voice. “The number you have dialed has been disconnected.”
But I saw him one more time.
CURRENT DAY
Chapter Twenty
Suze
Joel and I sleep tangled like kittens, both Yul Brynner and Maui finding their way onto the big bed with us at some point.
When I wake up, milky light is coming through the windows. Joel’s arm is flung around my waist, and his thighs shape themselves to the back of mine. I can feel the soft exhale of his breath against my neck, whispery and warm. My hand is curled around his, and Yul Brynner is purring on my pillow, and I don’t move a single muscle because I never want to leave this moment.
I breathe it in. Now. This. Joel. My body sore from making love all night, both of us greedy and going back to the well until we were shaking with weariness. We both fell, laughing, to the pillows in the end. “I remember a day,” he said.
“Oh, me too.” I brushed hair from his face. “Once upon a time when we were young.”
“I could never go back, be seventeen again. Could you?”
“No way. It was awful.”
He leaned in and kissed me, very gently. “You’re even more beautiful now.”
“That’s a lie, but thank you.”
“No, it’s not.” He brushed my crow’s-feet, the lines showing up around my chin that surprised me. “You have depth and wisdom now.”
“Well,” I said, “I don’t know about you having more depth and wisdom, but you are still absurdly hot.”
He laughed and pulled me to his shoulder and we crashed, both of us exhausted.
Now I can smell him, his hair and his skin, the faint lingering notes of aftershave he wore for me. I can feel him. I can hear his breath, a slight snore.
That stops. His hand tightens around my breast, and I feel his lips on my shoulder. “Good morning.”
“Do you want some coffee?”
“Are you having tea? I can try some tea.”
“No way, dude.” I turn to face him. “I’m going to make you some amazing coffee and we can drink it out on the deck looking at the ocean, just like we always said we would.”
He smiles. “Did you ever think for one single minute that you would actually live in this house?”
“I didn’t even have a context for imagining it.”
“What can I do?”
“Cook me breakfast?”
He laughs. “I can make toast.”
We get up and slip into clothes, and carry blankets out with us to the deck, wrapping ourselves together as we watch the seabirds look for breakfast. Neither of us speaks, but I feel the wondering beneath our silence. “So, do you have a girlfriend?” I ask, lightly, tapping his toe with mine.
“No,” he says. “I haven’t had for a long time. You?”
“No girlfriend or boyfriend.”
“Girlfriend? Did you have girlfriends?”