“How’s Lev?”
His face twists up with discomfort. But it’s been a while since I’ve seen sunlight and it’s driving me insane. It’s also making me more and more restless.
“He’s fine.”
“Why do you look like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’ve swallowed a bad oyster.”
“I did once. Spent three days on a toilet.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Thanks for that info. And the visual. But it’s not enough to distract me. What’s going on with Lev? Is he having nightmares?”
Nikolai sighs. “The abduction really messed with his head. And his head wasn’t exactly calm before the abduction.”
My chest tightens with guilt. “How bad is he?”
“Uri and I take turns spending time with him. But we can’t be with him around the clock. George handles the majority of the shifts and when he can’t be here, Svetlana takes over.”
“D-does he ask for me?” I venture. Nikolai clears his throat uncomfortably, so I nod in resignation. “I’ll take that as a yes. Uri is preventing him from seeing me, I’m guessing?”
At that, he doesn’t do more than sigh. Why do I get the feeling that the brothers aren’t exactly seeing eye to eye on certain things? Definitely Lev. Possibly me?
“I… I never meant to hurt either one of them. You know that, right?”
“Fuck me,” he mutters under his breath before looking up. “I know that, Alyssa. Believe it or not, Uri does, too.”
I shake my head. “That’s just wishful thinking.”
“No, it’s insight. Insight into the complicated mind of Uri Bugrov. He’s just angry. And at the moment, he’s helpless just like the rest of us—and that’s a bad combination. He’s punishing you because he needs someone to blame. It’s easier than admitting that he messed up.”
“How is any of this his fault?”
Nikolai raises his eyebrows. “He messed up the moment he brought you here and he knows it.”
I can’t help wincing. It was stupid of me, I know, but I’d started to think that maybe part of him actually liked me.
He holds up a hand when he sees the look on my face. “Hey now, don’t take it that way. I don’t mean it personally.”
“How else could you possibly mean it?”
“You were the next-door neighbor, Alyssa. He should have just let you go back to your little neck of the woods. You wouldn’t have been involved in this world. But not only did he decide to keep you here, he decided to expose you, too. That, more than anything else, made you a target. It put you in danger and it put Lev and Polly in danger right along with you.”
I shiver, remembering the night that Uri and I met. I can still feel the breeze between my thighs as I dangled on the fence. It was every bit as cool as my cheeks were blazing hot.
He was the one who forced me to stay for dinner that night. As far as I was concerned, I’d have happily run back to my tiny little home and buried my head in the sand for the rest of time.
Part of me wants to get mad. He insisted I stay. He bandaged my leg. He swept all the plates off the table and devoured me like I was his last meal.
But I could have resisted, right? I could’ve said no at any point and I know beyond any doubt he would’ve stopped instantly.
Nothing was forced. It was something I did because I wanted to.
I sigh and let my face fall onto my crossed arms on the countertop. “I should have just forgotten about the package. Written it off. I should never have hopped that godforsaken fence.”
“Coulda, woulda, shoulda,” Nikolai says with a shrug. “There’s no point going down that road, Alyssa. It’ll only drive you insane.”
I push my half-eaten danish away. As delicious as they are, I can’t force down another bite.
“How are you feeling?” asks Nikolai as he eyes me warily.
It’s nice of him to inquire, but there’s a small, bitter part of me that wishes that it was Uri who was doing the asking instead. “Miserable, most of the time,” I admit. “I think I spend every other second thinking about Polly, wondering where she is. If she’s safe. If she’s afraid. If she’s alone.” My breath catches and I bite down on my bottom lip. “I just wish I could remember something that might help. I keep wracking my brain, trying to jog my memory, but it feels like the more I try to remember, the hazier the memories become.”
“I wouldn’t push yourself that far. Just… let things relax. Maybe it’ll come back naturally if you don’t force it.”