“It felt really good to finally feel safe.”
Fucking fuck me.
Needing her closer, I push my hand through her grip and hook my arm around her waist.
Valentine rolls to face me, and I pull her into my body, slipping my other arm between her and the mattress.
Her hands are between our chests, her little fists pressing against my bare skin over my heart.
I want to rip her childhood apart.
But I can’t, so I just tuck her head under my chin and wrap both arms around her in a hug, keeping her where she is. “You’ll always be safe with me,” I promise her.
“I know,” she breathes. And her acceptance settles inside me.
“Did she leave you alone once you moved?” I have a sense of dread for what must still be coming.
“Mostly. The month after I moved out, she met a guy and followed him to Florida. I think she lived with him for a while because I didn’t hear from her for a few months.” Tension builds in Val’s shoulders. “King reached out at the start of the school year. He’d seen I’d taken a summer course while I was working. Told me I did a good job. And then reminded me that I’d be getting my first payout in a couple months. As though I could forget.” She scoffs. “He told me not to spend it all at once. And when I told him I was thinking about getting a car, he said to send what I was looking at to him first. It felt a little overbearing at the time, since no one had ever been that involved before, but I was grateful to have someone to help me. It’s not like I knew what I was doing.”
“Did you buy a car?” I try to picture what nineteen-year-old Valentine would buy. Something practical, I’m sure.
But Val shakes her head. “My mom called me on my birthday and asked me to come visit her in Florida.” A rumble of anger vibrates my chest, and Val flattens her hand against me. “I thought the worst, too, at first. But she never mentioned the money. And I wanted… It was so dumb, but I just wanted to believe she wasn’t awful. So I told her when the semester was over, I’d visit.”
I hug her a little harder, my own throat starting to itch.
“That was the first thing I spent any of the money on. A plane ticket to see my mom.”
Val is quiet for a long moment.
“What happened?” I ask against her hair.
“We got into a huge fight. The guy she’d followed down there ditched her, and she said she needed some money to get by. And I told her no. I told her no because I was hurt. I wanted her to want me around, but she only asked me to visit because she wanted my money.”
I press my lips to the top of Val’s head; the theme of being tricked and used isn’t lost on me. “You didn’t owe her anything, Valentine. You did the right thing.”
“She called me all sorts of names, but that was the first time I ever shouted back.” Her body starts to tremble. “I packed up my bag to go, didn’t even care that I’d be wasting money on a hotel if I left, but then she convinced me to stay. Said she’d drop it and that we could go out for breakfast in the morning. So I stayed.”
It falls together. Before she tells me, it all falls together.
Her mom died when she was nineteen.
I curl my fingers into her sides. “Valentine.”
“She killed herself that night.” The tears finally fill her voice.
“Angel.” I kiss her head again.
“It was a shitty little one-bedroom apartment. And she told me I could have her bedroom and she’d sleep on the couch.” Her fingertips press into me. “I figured she’d just drink until she passed out, so I locked myself in her room and cried myself to sleep. When I got up in the morning, I found her sitting at the little dining table. Slumped in her seat. With an empty bottle of vodka and an empty bottle of painkillers prescribed to someone else.”
I can’t imagine. I cannot fucking imagine.
“Was she already gone?” I have to ask.
Val nods against me. “I didn’t realize at first. I thought she was asleep. But when I touched her shoulder… She was stiff.”
“Jesus Christ.” I stare over the top of Val’s head. I know exactly what happens to dead bodies, so I know exactly what teenage Val would’ve seen. “Did she leave a note?”
“Not in the way you mean.”
I close my eyes. “What did she leave?”
“Her stack of bills.”
“I fucking hate her,” I snap.
And I swear Val laughs a little.
“I’m serious.” I hook my leg over Val’s thigh. The hug doesn’t feel like enough. “If she wasn’t already dead, I’d kill her myself. You didn’t deserve that. Tell me you knew that you didn’t deserve that.”