“No. You’re a great catch, and the things you seem to think are faults are my favorite things about you.”
Claire smiled. “Thanks, friend.”
“Some of those nice guys want a woman like you, you know.”
“Maybe.”
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“No, we haven’t slept together yet.”
Mia laughed. “How’d you know that’s what I was gonna ask?”
“You blushed.” Claire shook her head. “Which is hilarious, knowing how you and Noah are. You’re no innocent.”
Mia’s flush deepened. “We’re talking about you, not me. And I think that’s great that you haven’t. I was just curious.”
Matt was definitely interested in taking their relationship there, but so far Claire had held off. While she wasn’t super conservative about it, sex was something that meant something to her. The arrangement with Graham had been completely out of character, but even if it had been based on a weird spur-of-the-moment understanding, he was still a man she’d known for years, liked （most of the time）， and trusted. The chemistry between them, once tapped, had been off the charts.
Maybe some unconscious part of her had known all along it would be like that. She’d be lying if she said she was all that surprised about how good it had been.
It didn’t feel right to sleep with Matt when she was still unsure where her heart stood with Graham, even if the rational part of her had moved on and was impatiently waiting for the rest of her to catch up.
Sweet guy that he was, he didn’t seem to mind waiting for her.
“Have you talked to Graham?” Mia asked.
“Not once.”
Her friend’s brow was marred. “How’s that been? Going from living together for over a year, close friends, then lovers to nothing at all?”
“It’s not great,” Claire admitted. “Lovers part aside, I miss his friendship. I miss watching trash TV with him and going out for beers when we have hard days. I miss his sarcasm. I even miss his stupid dog.”
“He misses you, too.”
“How do you know?”
“For a while he avoided Noah like you were with me. I assume for the same reasons.”
It wouldn’t surprise her. The four of them were well versed in each other’s defense mechanisms.
“I’m the one who hurt him,” Claire said. “And I don’t think there’s anything I can do to fix it. So I’ve just been avoiding.”
The server dropped off their lattes. Mia curled her hands around the cup. “You’re not hurting, too?”
“Of course I am. I hate it here. But he’s the one who put everything out there—a massive step for Graham, as you probably know—and I’m the one who said no. That puts us in different corners of the ring and I don’t think I should be the one to come out first. If our roles were reversed, I’d want to be left alone. If he tried to talk to me after rejecting me, it would just piss me off.”
“He probably just needs time. You both do.”
Claire scraped a spoonful of foam from the top of her latte and put it in her mouth. That bitch in her chest thought it was a good time to toss up a memory of how good Graham’s dad’s coffee had been the weekend they’d stayed there. Better than Starbucks, she’d told him.
“I have one more question,” Mia said. Her tone was hesitant, which both piqued Claire’s interest and put her on edge. “I promise I’ll only ask it once, but I gotta. I get your reasons for breaking things off with Graham. As much as I can, anyway. No one can truly be in your shoes and know how it felt to go through what you did. But now, after months of being apart and still missing him like you do, are you sure it’s the right choice? Like, without a doubt, one hundred percent, you’ll-never-regret-this-choice sure?”
Tears welled up in Claire’s eyes and she blinked away the burning sensation. “What the fuck kind of question is that?”
Sympathy shone in Mia’s eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just… I thought I knew what I was doing when I kept away from Noah for so long. I thought it was for the best, too. I was so very wrong, and I’ve never been happier since realizing it. As your best friend, I just want to make sure you don’t miss your chance to do the same.”
Frustration built along Claire’s spine. “Do we ever know with absolute certainty if the decisions we make are the right ones in the long run? All I know to do is look at what I’ve gone through and where I am now and decide based on that information. I’m not psychic. I don’t know what I’ll feel next week, next month, or next year.”