If only that were possible.
“You make a great point, but I’m not sure you realize it actually cancels out your argument for cutting things off with Graham.”
“How?”
“You just said you couldn’t base your decision off future feelings, but that’s exactly what you did.”
Claire frowned, shaking her head. “No, I…”
“When you think about the past with Graham, what’s the first word that comes to mind?”
“Irritation.”
Mia snorted. “Any others?”
“Fun. Loyalty. Friendship.”
“Now, think about the last time you were with him, before the fight. When things were good. Do you remember how you felt in that moment?”
Claire squeezed her eyelids shut, once again trying to keep from crying in a public place. A display like that wasn’t her style.
She didn’t say any of the words out loud. Tender. Loved. Connected.
She could only nod.
“Yes, I remember how I felt.” Her voice trembled and she hated it.
“If your answer to this next one is yes, that’s it. You know what’s right for you. But I don’t think you can move forward until you address this with yourself. You know how you feel about him, and how you felt when you were with him. Anything beyond that is pure speculation. Are you willing to discard all of those things based on assumptions for how you might feel down the road?”
Claire’s heart raced, torn between defending her decision and accepting the good points Mia was making. “It’s not complete speculation,” she argued weakly. “I was so freaked out that day I thought he was injured at a fire that I went home and kissed the hell out of him.”
Mia tucked her lips between her teeth as if trying not to smile. “Is that supposed to sound like a bad thing?”
“The fear was. It’s debilitating.”
Mia sobered. “I know. I worry about Noah, too, you know.”
“You do?”
“Of course. He goes on almost every climbing trip Graham does.”
“That’s true.” Mia seemed so matter-of-fact about it. Claire envied her for it. “How do you do it?”
Mia shrugged. “I guess I just try to focus on the time I have with him instead of obsessing over when our end date might be. His brother died in a car accident, which could happen to any of us. People have sudden heart attacks, aneurysms, get cancer. They fall down stairs or are in the wrong place at the wrong time when someone walks in with a gun. Terrible things happen all the time and they can happen to anyone. If I let myself think about every little thing that could take Noah away from me I’d be a walking basket case every minute of every day.” Her voice was near a whisper. “What a horrible way to live and miss out on the best thing in my life.”
Claire swiped at her cheeks. “Shit, Mia.”
Mia didn’t apologize. Rather, she looked down at her phone resting on the table and tapped it. The lock screen illuminated with an image of her and Noah, faces pressed together, ridiculous smiles on their faces. She took in a shaky breath and smiled. “They say love drives out fear. That it brings light into darkness. As long as I have a choice, I’ll choose love and light and hope the power of that choice, and the person that comes with it, does the rest.”
Claire left the café even more confused than when she arrived. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d walked away from a tough conversation with Mia without a firm idea in her mind of where she’d go from here.
It was after ten by the time they said goodbye and walked to their cars. She’d put her phone on silent during dinner and now checked the screen before turning on the ignition.
Matt had called, then followed up with a text.
Matt: Hey beautiful. Just wanted to say I hope you had a good day at work today. If you’re free on Friday I’d love to cook you dinner. Call me later.
Claire didn’t reply and slipped the phone back into her purse. Gripping the back of her neck in one hand, she leaned her head back and sighed.
She really hated it here.
A huge yawn caught her off guard. Give yourself a break. You just worked a twelve-hour shift on your feet and had an emotionally draining conversation with Mia.
All good points. She turned on the car and pulled onto the main road, allowing herself to put off thinking about men, relationships, or plane crashes until tomorrow.
The restaurant was only a few blocks from her house, and she let her brain go on autopilot to get her home. She reached down to turn on the radio, and when she looked up again she was blinded by bright lights coming straight at her.