I’m doing the same. I drop my gaze to my knee, which sobers me right up.
Jake crosses his arms over his broad chest. “I think I should know what I call Mars in our own marriage.”
“Dude, a metaphor is like a figure of speech,” Sully says. “Like ‘life is a highway’ or ‘I’m so hungry, I could eat an elephant.’”
The corner of Jake’s mouth quirks. “You’re bullshitting me right now.”
“Nah, man. I’m pretty sure that’s right,” says Morrow.
With a glare, Jake pulls out his phone. His thumb taps the screen, and we soon hear a dial tone as he puts the call on speaker.
“Fuck—what?” comes Sanford’s voice. “I was asleep.”
“Hey, solve something for us really quick. What’s a metaphor?” Jake asks.
Sanford grunts, and there’s a rustling sound like he’s sitting up in his hotel bed. “What?”
“A metaphor.” Jake enunciates each syllable. “I’m sitting here with Langers and the guys at the hospital tryna tell them Mars is my metaphor, and they don’t believe me that it’s a real polyam thing so…”
There’s a pause so pregnant you could feel it kick the air between us.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Sanford says at last. “Babe, a metaphor is a figure of speech like…fuck, I don’t know… ‘life is a highway’—”
Sully and I choke on our fists, trying to quiet our laughter, as Jake launches off the bed, taking the phone off speaker. “Well, then, what the fuck is Mars?”
It’s all we can do to hold it together as Jake paces from my bed to the door. I don’t dare look at the other guys. I just focus on my busted knee.
“Uh-huh,” says Jake into his phone. “Yeah, alright, fine—okay, will you just chill? I’m on my way back, jeez.” He drops the phone from his ear and hangs up. “Such a bossy asshole,” he says under his breath. With a sigh, he glances up and looks between us. “So uhh…it’s metamour. Not metaphor. Mars is my metamour.”
“That’s cool,” says Sully. The man looks like he’s about to give himself appendicitis from how hard he’s trying not to laugh.
But Morrow has no such reserve. He just looks at Jake and shakes his head in stunned disbelief. “You must give the best fucking blowjobs of all time.”
That breaks us. Sully and I roar with laughter. I laugh so hard it gives me a headache worse than the one I already had. Pretty soon I’m groaning, a sharp pain stabbing me behind the eyes.
“Oh, you have no idea,” Jake says with a grin, taking it all in stride.
“Come on, Mr. Metamour,” says Sully, pushing himself up out of the chair and moving around the end of my bed. “You too, Coley. Let’s give Langers time to rest.”
“You can’t call me Mr. Metamour,” says Jake with a glare. “Only Mars gets to call me that.”
“I have a feeling hell will freeze over before Mars Kinnunen calls you Mr. Metamour,” Morrow says with a laugh, scooping his soccer ball up off the floor.
“It’s Mars Price, asshole,” says Jake, punching Morrow’s shoulder hard.
“Ouch—fuck—” Morrow turns on him, ready to take his own swing. The defensemen are always more physical with each other than us forwards.
“Easy,” says Sully, stepping between them. “Save it for the ice, guys.”
“Hey, what am I supposed to do with this key,” I call to Jake’s retreating form.
“Use it,” he replies. “Until you’re back on your feet.”
“I’ll have Shelbs alert the WAGs,” Sully adds. As team captain, his wife Shelby is queen of the wives and girlfriends. I’m about to be buried under a mountain of homemade soups, cookies, and casseroles.
“But I don’t even know where Mars lives,” I call as Jake pulls open the door. “What’s the address?”
Jake glances over his shoulder. “1006 Harbor Road. Oh, and he’s got this awesome sauna thing out on the patio. Might help you loosen up that knee,” he adds with a nod to my leg.
“See you tomorrow,” Morrow calls, walking out the door first.
“Get some sleep, man,” adds Sully. “We’ll come bust you out of here first thing in the morning.”
Get some sleep. Right. Lying on my back in a fucking hospital? With a sigh, I stretch out over the side of my bed and reach for my backpack. Pulling it onto my lap, I dig in the front pocket and take out my Nintendo Switch.