Ari folds her legs underneath her on the bench. “Do you still want to be married someday?” she asks, even though it’s uncomfortable to bring the question to the surface.
Josh finds some point in the middle distance to stare at. “In theory,” he finally says.
It’s completely expected and a little disappointing. Now she’s forced to imagine meeting Josh and his hypothetical…wife for dinner. A Lauren, probably. Smiling at their inside jokes—their own little language that Ari wouldn’t know. The two of them would have stupid, petty fights, followed by amazing make-up sex. Josh would make his wife whatever healthy dish she wanted for breakfast. They’d go grocery shopping at Fairway and buy organic produce while pushing a state-of-the-art Bluetooth-enabled baby stroller.
He would completely move on with his life, the way people do when they’re in relationships—when friends become people you squeeze into your schedule because your world revolves around your significant other. The idea of it makes her heart constrict—thinking of Josh as another person who’ll inevitably leave her behind.
“But I don’t think I’d propose in public, in front of a Fragonard. It’s a bit on the nose,” he adds, rising up from the bench, oblivious to her spiraling thoughts.
Ari breathes out and it’s like opening a relief valve from the conversation. She shakes her numb hands and winds a scarf around her neck, bristling against the cold, following Josh as he starts to walk south.
She catches up to him, nudging slightly. “Let’s stop at the halal cart for dinner.”
He stops in his tracks. There’s this funny, sheepish expression on his face that Ari hasn’t seen before. “Oh, I…have plans.”
“？‘Plans’？”
He looks up at the trees, avoiding eye contact. “The yoga instructor.”
“Oh.” Something in her chest burns but she manages to utter, “Yoga instructor pussy? I think I’m jealous.” Yeah, it’s definitely jealousy, but she can’t tell if it’s directed at Josh or his date.
“It’s just dinner.”
Is he grimacing or suppressing a smile? Her fist clenches around her phone.
“Wow. Straight to dinner. Not even vibe-check drinks first?” Ari takes a couple steps away from him. “This could be the first night of the rest of your life and I can barely handle the emotional intimacy of sexting.”
It comes out a touch more bitter than intended.
“I thought you were going to get back out there, too.”
“Totally.” She puts a little distance between them. “I definitely am.” What if his date goes well? “I’m— I should let you get home.” Ari gestures at nothing in particular, backing away. “I assume you’ll be changing into a different black outfit.”
What if he gets laid? Her stomach twists, considering that possibility. The fact that she even has nervous feelings about it at all intensifies the stomachache.
“I’ll call you after?” She’s far enough down the path that he has to shout it.
“Sounds great!” Ari yells back. Totally! Can’t wait to find out whether the yoga instructor spends the night!
She speed-walks toward Fifth Avenue, heading east when she’d meant to continue south. Ari glances behind her and he’s rubbing at the back of his neck. She’s never felt the need to escape a conversation with Josh before. Hadn’t she told him she was a “really great wingwoman”？
What if Josh and the yoga instructor have brunch the next morning and the date lasts into Monday, when they’ll both walk over to Crunch together for class at six a.m., where she’ll demonstrate （again） how flexible she is while easing her body into a series of Instagrammable #yogagoals poses?
Once she’s a safe distance away, with shin splints hobbling her right leg, Ari retrieves her phone from her bag. She’d been saving this move for a truly critical sex-life circumstance. A break-glass-in-case-of-emergency situation.
Apparently, this is that moment.
Ari updates each of her active dating profiles to single, seeking couples.
“Fuck it,” she murmurs, editing her username to include unicorn emojis for good measure.
If Josh can date someone, Ari can date two someones.
12
Sat, Dec 10, 8:47 p.m.
Josh: You said yoga classes were a great place to meet women.
Ari: they are.
All that flexibility and stamina and sweat…
Date not going well?
Josh: She’s not just a yoga instructor, she’s also trying to sell me microbiome superpowder.