That would make me feel normal again.
“Ready then?”
Ready.
I stare down at the field. His question is one I’ve heard before. And yet, it’s monumentally different right now.
There’s no adrenaline, no thrill, no life-or-death repercussions.
“Oh shit, hang on.” I shift in my saddle and reach into my back pocket, pulling my phone out and staring at it like there’s a call coming through. All I see is the background picture, which features Luke grinning ear to ear after we threw watermelons out the window of my moving truck. The memory of speeding down a back road, watching them explode on the asphalt, and hearing him squeal with glee never fails to make me smile.
Especially since Cade told us not to.
“Jasper’s calling. One sec.”
Cade rolls his eyes and mumbles, “Catch up,” before urging his mare forward toward the path that leads down into the valley.
“Hey man!”
I’m met with silence. Obviously. Because I’m faking this call.
“Uh-huh.” I give Cade a firm thumbs up when he turns back to look at me.
“Right. Oh shit. That does sound important.”
Cade has started his descent. He’s begun to disappear behind the crest of the hill, but I carry on anyway.
“You sure Sloane can’t help you with that?”
Pause.
“Oh. She’s in the city, huh? Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”
I wait several more seconds before adding, “Alright, talk soon.” Then, with a light cluck, I urge my horse closer to the edge of the ridge. I can see where Cade has hit flat ground below and the other guys who work for him already waiting down there. I’m hit with a pang of guilt. Guilt that I can’t just suck it up and go do the job.
I know I need to stop bailing on everyone. I know I promised to work the family ranch with Cade.
But I can’t. I just … can’t.
That knowledge doesn’t stop me from feeling like shit when I call down, though. “Hey Cade!” He pulls up and turns in the saddle to glare at me. It’s like he knows what’s coming. “Just got a call from Jasper! He needs my help. I’m gonna peel out and then try to make it back to wrap up the day with you and the crew.”
All he gives me is a nod. He knows I won’t be back.
I nod in return before I turn my mount to walk away. Trying to keep my shame at bay.
Once I’m out of earshot, I lift my phone and call Jasper for real. He picks up on the fourth ring. “Workin’ hard or hardly workin’？”
I can always trust Jasper to crack me up, razz me a bit. He hasn’t taken to smothering me since I got back. In fact, he mostly lets me come to him when I’m ready. Jasper knows trauma. He knows when to push and when to sit back. And he knows how it is to have everyone staring at you, waiting for something to happen, like you’re an experiment in a Petri dish.
These days, I feel like I understand him better than ever.
“How’d you guess?” The thump of hooves on the dry ground beneath me rattles my bones, and I can already sense my body starting to relax as I head away from the crew.
“Well, Beau, the only thing reliable about you these days is how unreliable you are.”
“Harsh.”
He snorts. “But true. You’re a big boy. You can take it.”
“That’s what she said.”
He huffs out a laugh, and I can clearly envision the expression on his face—amused but sharp. We’ve known each other since we were fifteen, practically glued together since he came to live with our family. I don’t get much past him anymore.
“So I need you to do me a solid.”
He doesn’t even hesitate. “Alright.”
“If Cade asks, I need you to corroborate my story that you called me away from work because you needed help.”
“With what?”
“I didn’t say. You pick.”
“Okay, I’ll tell him I was missing Sloane and that you offered to come dance like a ballerina for me to make me feel better.”
“I would if you wanted me to,” I deadpan.
He laughs at that. “I know you would.”
“Let’s say your car battery died and you needed a jump.”
“I would never let my battery get old enough to die.”
So literal.
“Cade wouldn’t know that, though.”
He grunts his assent. “It’s like we’re teenagers all over again. Tricking Cade into thinking we’re totally above board.”