“For me, this is about my brother. He would have been killed in prison, but the feds moved him into protective custody. In DC, they let me meet with him. I was told if I agreed to cooperate against you, they’d dismiss his case. They wanted me to wear a wire, just not yet. I sort of said yes. Now, I’m wavering. And that’s the truth. Do you hate me?”
“I completely understand. I’ve said before, family is everything. So, in order to help your brother, you need to hand me over to them, wrapped up in a neat little bow?”
“Something like that.”
“That’s good news. It means you need me as much as I need you. We can work together. Okay, my turn. You know by now that I’m not a saint, Madison. I’ve committed crimes. I’ve done so knowingly, but not willingly. I was manipulated at first. Later, I was forced. And there was no way out except cooperating with the government, but I knew that if I did that, they’d kill me. So, five years ago, I tried to run. They found out. They didn’t kill me, because I still had value for them. They did something much worse. They murdered Matthew. I would have turned them in then, even if it resulted in my death. Honestly, I would have been happy to die at that moment if it meant getting revenge. But I wasn’t free to think only of myself. There were two people, very dear to me, who needed my protection.”
The judge took a deep breath, her eyes far away.
“My mother. And my daughter.”
Part Four
Kathryn
29
Six years earlier
Once she became a judge, and in charge of her own schedule, Kathryn took up running. At lunchtime, if the weather was good, she would jog along the Esplanade. The wind coming off the water smelled clean and pure. The rhythm of her feet against the pavement emptied her mind. For an hour, she felt free.
It was a sunny day in May, and the wind was at her back the first time she saw Matthew. The first thing she noticed was his stride—long, fast, focused, like a serious runner. I could learn something from the way that guy moves, she thought. Her eyes traveled up his body, which was strong and lean, to his face. Their eyes met. She blushed at being caught checking him out. He smiled at her, and he was so handsome that she smiled back.
She started looking forward to seeing him. And then thinking about him when she wasn’t running. One day in midsummer, he finally stopped to say hello.
“Hey, hold up,” he said, like he wanted to have a whole conversation.
She hadn’t anticipated that. She should never have made eye contact, never have smiled. She shook her head like an idiot, pointed at her watch and kept running.
Kathryn didn’t allow herself normal relationships. After Brad McCarthy was murdered, she broke things off with the law school classmate she was seeing. For years ever since, her only entanglement was an affair with Doug Kessler, whom she’d chosen for the simple reason that he was already compromised. Ray told her that Doug was taking money to steer the results of cases, including the Fiamma case. He was damaged goods like Kathryn, which meant she wasn’t putting him at any risk he hadn’t undertaken voluntarily. He was married, and she felt bad about that, but she was too lonely to care. All she knew was, if something happened to Doug, it wouldn’t be her fault. The runner was different. She had to keep her distance.
The next day it rained. The day after, she ran but didn’t see him, and she felt more disappointed than relieved. What if he stopped coming to the Esplanade? What if she never saw him again? It made her realize how much she wanted to.
The third day, she saw him at the same spot. She couldn’t run away a second time. It would seem too weird. When they reached each other, they smiled. And both stepped off the path. People ran by them on all sides, but it was like they were alone.
“Finally, we meet. Matthew Latham.”
He held out his hand, and they shook. There was a flutter in her stomach as she looked into his eyes, which were unusual and arresting. Sea-green with dark lashes, full of humor and understanding.
“Kathryn Conroy.”
“It’s about time we said hello. You wouldn’t happen to be training for a race?”
“No, I wish. I have a demanding job, and I can only get away at lunch.”
“What do you do?”
“I’m a federal judge.”
He took a step back and broke into a wide smile that was like sunshine on water. His eyes crinkled. A dimple appeared in one cheek. And she felt at ease, like she’d come home after being out in the cold for a long time.
“Wow. You know, I had my theories about you. But federal judge was not on the list. Very impressive,” he said.