“Yeah, at home. Or maybe the Caribbean. Not dodging sticks and God knows what else.”
“You’re always so suspicious of people’s intentions. You definitely get that from your father. He was always the same.”
The light bulb practically illuminates above my head.
“You know, don’t you?” I say as she sits down beside me staring out at the lake. “That’s why you’re here. When he asked when I’m home, he told you he’s engaged. Didn’t he?”
In the whirlwind that has been the past hour, I’d forgotten why I was so upset in the first place. She threads her fingers through mine. “I thought you might be upset. I wanted to be here for you. I didn’t want to leave it to Emilia.”
“You knew what he was going to say to me?”
“No, but I assumed there would probably be something.” Her thumb rubs against my hand gently. “Your dad is an asshole, Aurora, and it’s a well-earned title. The chances of him saying something cruel were higher than me arriving and you being on cloud nine.”
Dad has always been a thorn in the side of our relationship. I question if it’s frustrating for Mom to watch me fight for the attention of someone she dislikes so much. He isn’t something we ever really talk about at length and, to her credit, she tries to only be horrible to his face. “Why doesn’t he like me, Mom? He doesn’t treat me like a daughter.”
“Your father is . . . I don’t know, darling. When you marry someone, you believe you know everything about them, but people change. Your dad changed. Small things at first, how he talked about certain topics, how he spoke to other people. Then Elsa was born and he went back to being the man I married. He was wonderful with her and she idolized him for it.”
I’m itching to start packing my suitcase again. “Must be nice.”
“It didn’t last long and he went back to being the man who was rude to everyone, picked fights over nothing and came home late with no reason. Our marriage was strained and I was tired of feeling like I was constantly at war.” She shuffles in her seat and I squeeze her hand to urge her to continue. She’s never been this candid about her relationship with Dad and I’m desperate to hear everything. “You know this bit, but we left Elsa with your Grandma and took our trip to see the Northern Lights, finally disconnected from the outside world and we were happy again. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with you and he was so happy.”
“Oh, so there was a time when he was happy I existed. Prebirth.”
“You were like a tiny little doll when you were born. You were absolute perfection. You never cried, you slept constantly and you just loved being held. I was obsessed with you. But Fenrir was taking up all of your dad’s time, I didn’t want to travel while you were so small, so we were apart a lot and, as you grew, you looked nothing like any of the Roberts family and your father became even more distant.”
“Distant? Why?”
“It was subtle at first. He’d comment on how blond your hair was getting when Elsa’s was dark brown, your eyes started to turn green and you looked nothing like him. Everyone in that family looks alike and you were the exception. You looked exactly like me.”
I feel sick and it all starts to make sense. “He thinks I’m not his daughter.”
“He didn’t outright say it, but for a while I was convinced that was the answer. I pushed it aside at first because I thought when you got older, you’d be able to bond and bridge that gap he’d created.” Mom brushes at her cheek with the back of her hand. “I wish that had been the answer. I could have fixed that with a DNA test and a hefty round of couples counselling. But then he started to treat your sister the same way and I realized I was searching for answers that would make sense to me, something I could work with, when the reality is the problem was him the entire time.
“We fought and fought over it. I couldn’t stand that I’d started a family with a man who could treat his children like they were an inconvenience to him. I felt like I was grieving the loss of my husband, but he hadn’t died. He just wasn’t the man I knew. You noticed, even when you were very little, you knew things weren’t right. Elsa started acting out to get his attention, which would work, so you copied. I thought it would get better when we traveled together, but if anything, it made you both worse.”
I sit in silence, scared to say anything and interrupt all the answers I’m finally getting.