And because I’m nosy as hell, I ask, “Does your dad know you’re in Texas?”
The silence somehow grows more tense. Great fucking question, Miller.
Too much time passes so I adjust, turning over and trying to sleep, hoping this guy is a freak who maybe sleeps with his eyes open and therefore won’t remember that stupid question.
“No,” he finally says in the quiet.
Slowly, I turn back to face him, but don’t ask more follow-up questions that could have me putting my foot in my mouth.
He lightly laughs, but it sounds slightly pained. “He doesn’t even know he has a grandchild.”
What the hell?
“I haven’t seen the man since I was fifteen or sixteen. Once my mom died . . .” He shakes his head.
It looks like he wants to tell me, but he stops himself, and it makes me wonder if he’s ever had someone to talk to.
“Can I . . . can I ask what happened?”
Kai watches me, a teasing glint in his eye. “Is this all I had to do to finally get you all flustered? Talk about my shitty teenage years.”
I smack him in the chest, but I’m thankful that he’s able to joke around right now.
He chuckles. “My mom was already doing a lot of the heavy lifting in the family, so when she died, instead of stepping up, my dad drank himself stupid. Left me in charge of my thirteen-year-old brother when I was still a kid myself. I didn’t even have a driver’s license yet.”
Jesus.
“Eventually, he checked himself into rehab and cleaned himself up, but he never came back. Last I heard, he was settled in a town only two hours from where we grew up and he had gotten remarried.”
“Is it okay if I hate him for you too?”
“One of us probably should.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgiven him? I’m far too petty for your level of maturity.”
“I think I’m at the point where I feel nothing towards him. Is that good enough for you?”
Kai’s face is soft, no angry lines etched into his features. How annoyingly reasonable of him.
“Is Isaiah upset with him at least?”
“For me, I think. Now that he’s older, he’ll make comments about how he feels bad that I picked a college close to our hometown so I could help him get through the rest of high school. Stuff like that. But I probably would’ve done it regardless. The guy is my best friend.”
“That’s cute.”
He pins me with a look. “Don’t call me cute.”
Between us, I find his free hand and hook my thumb around his, palm to palm before I rest my head against the back of his hand. “Thanks for telling me that.”
He traces my face with his gaze, soft wistfulness washing over him. “Thanks for listening. I’ve never really had someone to tell that to.”
“You should keep talking. You have a sexy voice, even when you’re talking about your childhood trauma.”
He simply shakes his head at me, smiles, and keeps talking. “I’m not angry, and I don’t miss him, but I do miss how our family used to be. Everything was so different before my mom died, that the hardest part has been knowing what a good family unit looked like and no longer having it. I’m just trying to give Max a bit of what I lost.”
And that’s when it clicks. Kai is older now. He doesn’t want to make up for the partying he’s missing out on or even the freedom. He doesn’t need to reminisce on his old life. He simply wants the family he once had. He wants to be enough for Max in hopes that he might not feel the gaps Kai has convinced himself exist.
“You’re a good one, Kai. You know that?”
He sighs, exhaling an uncomfortable laugh. “Don’t give me too much credit now.”
“I’m serious.” Which I very rarely am.
The room is dark, but my eyes have adjusted to the lack of light so that I can make out the blue in his perfectly clearly without his glasses as a barrier.
He’s beautiful. Really, truly so handsome.
Turning on his side, he fully faces me, and once again his foot brushes mine, but this time he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he covers my feet with his, tangling them between the sheets.
“The only time I’ve thought about reaching out to my dad was when I found out about Max. For a split second I thought I should tell him he was a grandfather.”
“But you didn’t?”
“Nah. Didn’t need to. Monty kind of earned that title right away. Even though Max doesn’t call him that, it would’ve been weird to give it to someone else.”