“How long?” I demand. “How long were they out of your sight?”
“Like, maybe a half hour.”
She cries harder, and I turn away when what I want to do is scream, “I told you! I told you to keep an eye on him and you didn’t fucking listen.”
I blame her, but mostly I blame myself. This is what I get for trusting a kid with my kids. This is what I get for not being more careful.
Jeremy pulls up and reaches us just as the chief of police walks over.
“We’ve got a team combing the woods. Do you have any thoughts on where he might have tried to go? Is there a place he likes to play?”
I hang my head. “He likes to go to our neighbor’s house, but he’s out of town,” I say, pointing at Caleb’s. “If we go for walks, it’s on the path around the lake.”
My voice cracks on that last word.
The captain places a hand on my shoulder. “If he’s out there, we’ll find him. And the boat is on the way.”
I look between him and Jeremy, failing to understand this. “A boat?”
He can’t meet my eye. “So we can start dredging the lake.”
Dredging.
The second it’s out, it feels inevitable—of course he went to the lake; it’s where he would normally find Caleb—yet at the same time I refuse to accept it. I will comb every inch of this goddamn state by hand before I accept that he went into the lake without me.
“He wouldn’t,” I whisper. “He knows he’s not allowed to go in the lake without an adult.”
The chief winces. “Kids don’t always listen.”
No, they don’t. Henry also knew he wasn’t allowed to walk into the backyard without me and he does it all the time. Every single time he sees Caleb. Oh God. Could he have gone into the lake? Could he have gone to check inside Caleb’s boat and fallen in?
Molly squeezes my arm, blinking back tears. I didn’t realize she was here. “Why don’t I take Sophie inside?” she asks, reaching out. I nod, swallowing hard as I release my daughter.
I start toward the lake. “I’m going to—”
Jeremy gently grabs my arm. “They want us to stay here, Luce. We need to be available if they have questions. Here, you’re shivering.” He slips his sweatshirt over my head, and I let him. He is not the enemy anymore. Nothing matters except my children, and I can’t believe I forgot that for even a minute.
By the time night falls, the yard is full of strangers. News crews are set up along the driveway and I want to tell them to go away, but I don’t. I’m just frozen, watching the tiny bouncing dots in the distance where police and volunteers are combing the woods for my son. In an ideal world, it would be Caleb here with me instead of Jeremy, but this is exactly what he wouldn’t want anyway, isn’t it? The fear, the responsibility, the potential for loss?
Harrison and Mrs. Doherty call. I’m not sure what they say to me. I don’t want to hear a single word from anyone unless they’ve got news about my son. And with every minute that passes, the chance of it being good news fades.
Three hours later, the low murmur of the crowd is broken by a single shout.
We all look at each other. In the distance, there’s another shout and then the police chief comes into view.
There’s a bundle in his arms.
A bundle the size of a small child.
34
CALEB
I arrive in San Francisco just before eight and turn on my phone the second our wheels hit the tarmac. I wait for my texts to load as if they are a death sentence. Lucie’s mad that I missed the thing with Henry this morning, but what was I supposed to do?
I head toward the exit, torn between irritation and worry. You cannot serve two masters. My father was right. I have a company that needs me. I have hundreds of people who rely on me for the check that puts a roof over their heads, that puts food in their kids’ mouths. And I have the capacity to create something great—to build software that could change a child’s entire educational experience. I’d have loved to be at Henry’s thing. Doesn’t Lucie realize I gave something up today too?
Harrison calls just as I climb into the waiting Uber.
“Thank God,” he says when I answer. “Where are you? I’ve called a thousand times.”
“Airport. I’m on the way home. What’s up?”
His swallow is audible. “Caleb, it’s Henry. He’s missing. He disappeared this afternoon from the house.”
The driver’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. I blink, too shocked to find words.