But for Megan, I put on my cheeriest smile and faked it. Even when I said good morning to Claire and she turned her head the other way, I didn’t let my face show what I felt.
Megan knew though. She put a hand on my arm while the stylist curled my now semi-permanently-straightened hair around the barrel of an iron, and I looked up to see pity reflected in her eyes. “You look beautiful,” I told her.
She leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “You can do this.”
I nodded, not quite trusting myself to talk, and swallowed hard. “I don’t matter today.”
“You always matter, Lil. And I’m sorry I ever made you feel otherwise.” She saw that I was struggling to maintain the cheerful front and switched gears. “You ready to get strapped into that bra?”
“I’m burning that thing after today.”
“How very retro.” She took my hand and squeezed it.
Mark was the best man, so I was paired opposite him at the altar. Alex was two people behind, with Justin standing directly behind him. I couldn’t look at Alex without seeing Justin looking back at me, so I tried to focus on Megan instead, which was where I should be looking anyway. But I kept gazing back, willing him to look at me too. To offer some hope of forgiveness.
He didn’t.
When the ceremony was over, Mark smiled genuinely at me as he offered his arm, and I took it, reminding myself to smile for the pictures. The last thing I wanted was to look sad in Megan’s wedding album.
We toasted the couple in the limo on the way to the hotel, posed this way and that for the photographer, and finally it was time for the reception. I refused the champagne that the waiters kept pouring though; I needed a clear head for my speech.
The bandleader gestured to Mark and he went to the bandstand to begin his toast. I looked around, frantic; Alex hadn’t taken his seat at our table yet. I spotted him leaning against the bar as Mark began to talk. I just needed to know where he was—even if it was so I could not look at him during mine.
I would love to say that I paid attention to Mark’s speech, but I didn’t. Instead, I ran through mine in my head. When everyone around me raised a glass, I did the same, and then it was my turn. The bandleader introduced me, and the band played a snippet of the song “Notorious” as I rose to take the microphone. I spun to give Megan a look. She threw her head back and laughed.
I left my notecards at my seat. I had the whole thing memorized, so they would just be a distraction. Mark handed me the microphone, and the bandleader gestured to the band to cut the song.
“Well, that was probably an appropriate introduction,” I began, veering off course. There was some laughter.
“I’ve known Megan since we were seven years old. The day we became friends, in fact, she smacked another girl in the face with a Snoopy lunch box for telling the entire bus that I had a crush on Ricky Wilson.” More laughter.
“Everyone needs a friend who will beat someone else in the head with a lunch box for you, and Megan has always been mine. Of course, I’m sure there are more than a couple of you here tonight who would like to hit me with a lunch box, and not out of friendship. In fact, there’s a whole second reception line after dinner so everyone I’ve wronged can take turns slapping me with a Snoopy lunch box.” Much heartier laughter. Claire caught my eye as one of the few people not laughing. She sat stone-faced, her arms crossed. If I had actually brought a lunch box, she would be racing to be first in line.
“Learning to share Megan has been hard, but Tim has been particularly gracious about it. And I couldn’t wish for a better husband for my wife—oh sorry, did you not know about that? Megan and I have a pact that we’re going to marry each other if either of us is still single at forty, so by my calculations, you’ve got just over seven years until I take her back.” Less laughter at that one, but still a decent amount.
“In all seriousness, though, it’s been inspiring to watch how happy you have made Megan. I’ve been with her through so much, but I’ve never seen her light up the way she does with you. And there’s no one else in the world I could share her with so freely.
“Megan and Tim, may you always be this happy. May you share the joys of this world together always, and may your lives be as full of wonder and bliss as you both are today. I love you so much.” I raised my glass and the crowd followed as I felt tears well up in my eyes.
“To Megan and Tim.” The room echoed my sentiment, and I returned to my seat. I glanced around the table—Alex was still at the bar, so I couldn’t gauge his reaction.