“Maybe—maybe we could look at some lighter colors?” I felt a surge of pride. In all of the years we had been friends, I could count on one hand the number of times Sharon had actually stood up to her mom. And the wedding dress was perhaps the first time I had seen her get her own way.
But something changed in Mrs. Meyer’s face. “That’s what you want?” she asked, eyes narrowed.
Sharon nodded.
She turned to the saleslady. “Fine. What other colors does this dress come in?”
I looked to Sharon, who mouthed, “Thank you,” behind her mother’s back. I nodded and gave her a half smile, already mentally drafting a blog post about Mom-zilla.
I texted Alex as I left the salon. So what CAN you dissolve a body in? Asking for a friend . . .
He replied immediately. According to AMC, a plastic bin. Went that well, huh?
She asked if I was pregnant.
He sent back a shocked emoji. Meet you in the bin section at Home Depot in an hour?
Oh, so you’re a full-service kind of lawyer.
Only for my favorite clients. And if you invent a new product for disposing of horrible mothers, I can help you patent it too.
What a pal.
I crossed the street toward my car feeling moderately better. I couldn’t wait to peel the Spanx off, but the pregnancy comment had put me over the edge. I was going home to change and then going to the gym. Maybe if I added a couple of workouts a week, everyone would leave me alone about how I looked.
You feel like going to a movie tonight?
That felt date-like and I hesitated. Is that still a thing?
Yeah. But going alone sucks.
I’ve never gone alone. Not brave enough.
Really? I go alone all the time.
God, I don’t even remember the last time I saw a movie in the theater. If you don’t have a boyfriend, you basically never see a movie when you’re an adult.
Guess I need a boyfriend, he replied with a winky face. Or we could, you know, be rebels and go as friends.
I laughed and agreed, on the condition that I got peanut M&Ms. I could do a short workout at the gym before the movie. You need to start slow, after all.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
From: Caryn Donaldson [[email protected]]
To: [bridesmaids]
Subject: Wedding newsletter volume 5
Date: December 18
We are officially in the homestretch, ladies! Less than six months to go until I say I do!
The hard parts （for me at least ;-p） are all over! The venue is booked, the dresses are ordered, the photographer and makeup artists are hired, and the menu is set. Whew! I’m tired just typing all of that!
Now, I wanted to make you all aware of a few dates for your collective and individual planning purposes.
I’d like my shower to take place at least a month, but no more than six weeks before the wedding itself. That gives us time to update the registry before the wedding, but not so much time that we lose momentum for the big day. Which means it will need to be either the last weekend in April or the first weekend in May. I’ll let you decide from there.
For the bachelorette party, it should be sometime after the shower, but not less than two weeks before the wedding. I want to be able to have a few drinks at it and still have time to completely detox so there’s no trace of puffiness in my pictures—and that gives you all time to detox. I’m thinking something small and intimate, and dear God, no male nudity!
Speaking of pictures, let’s talk beauty regimens. I’ll let you work out the best timing for Botox and fillers with your doctors, but keep in mind that you don’t want your Botox TOO close to the wedding or you’ll have that dead-eye look in pictures and no one wants that. Plan your eyelash fills accordingly too. And don’t forget the spray tans! They’ll need to be fresh, but not so fresh that they could rub off on dresses. Also, be mindful of your keratin treatments. It’s outside by the water, so we don’t want frizz, but we DEFINITELY don’t want that greasy, just-done hair! If you start planning it out now, maybe we could all do a spa day before the wedding and do our keratin together—it’ll make it go so much quicker!
You’re the best, and I don’t know how I could have done any of this without you!
Love and kisses!
—Caryn
I read the email again. This wasn’t real, was it? She wanted us to get Botox? No, I read that part again—she was just saying if some of them already got it, to time it accordingly, right? I pulled out my cell phone and opened the front camera. I mean, sure, there were some faint lines on my forehead, but those weren’t wrinkles, were they? Everyone had those. Didn’t they?