“How could you be so stupid?” Seth demanded.
“Was trying to help,” she croaked, narrowing her eyes, trying to separate snake Seth from real Seth. And then she heard the labored breathing of someone who had been running. Even in a never-wake-up berry state she’d know his smell anywhere.
Warm, calloused hands took her pulse, checked her temperature, pried her eyes open to check pupils. His head rested on her chest and she wanted to smile. To sink into it. Run her hands through his hair and pull his lips up to hers. The future she could never have.
“Her breathing sounds stable,” Jake said.
Ah. Right. Paramedic Jake. Not impossible future Jake. Checking her breathing. Not tenderly embracing her.
“Everything checks out. We should keep her awake, though. Why? Why did she do this?” Jake demanded, and there were broken shards in his voice.
“Because she’s an idiot.”
Sadie listened for the broken shards in his voice but heard only a swarm of angry bees. Or perhaps they were hornets. Wasps?
“I have to go call Raquel before she has an aneurism,” her brother said. “I told her something was up. Stupid twin connection.”
“Thank God for that,” Jake said. “I’ll stay with her.”
The room swished with the air that Seth took with him as he left the room. And then the couch depressed as Jake sat next to her. She opened her eyes. How long had they been closed? She was hot but there were goose bumps on her skin. The ticking of the grandfather clock sounded like canons. She felt like Clara in The Nutcracker, everything around her growing impossibly large, stretching to dizzying heights and locked in a battle between gingerbread soldiers and the Mouse King. Only instead of sweets and rodents, it was life and death.
She reached out and touched Jake’s arm to make sure he was real. His skin felt like cotton candy. She was there and not there, and she thought how sad it was that this was how she felt most of her life. One foot in, one foot out. “Fold it in half, tuck it away.”
“Hey,” he said softly.
She trailed her fingers up his arm, and he stilled. As though the movement cost him a great deal of effort, he took her hand and laid it on her chest, giving it a pat for good measure.
“Jake,” she whispered. “I think Seth is mad.”
“I’d say that’s an understatement. I’m not too thrilled either. What the hell, Sadie?”
“I was trying to fix everything.”
“This is not what I meant when I said you’d sacrifice anything,” he practically growled.
She thought about answering, about telling him she’d been trying to save Seth’s life, but the words were too thick and dull.
“Sadie,” he said, concern in his voice. Like it wasn’t the first time he’d said her name.
“I’m okay,” she said, closing her eyes. “I’m fine.” She sleepily wondered when that lie had gotten so easy to tell.
“My whole life, I’ve always felt like I was a step behind where I was supposed to be,” he said, and even though it seemed to come from nowhere, she listened. “When everything happened with Bethany I thought … hell. Get married. Have a kid. And even though something was missing, I knew I couldn’t put my own kid through a broken home. I wanted the happy ever after. I want to be a dad. But, when Seth called me”—he put his hand over his eyes and then pinched the bridge of his nose—“I almost lost it, Sade. You’re the love of my life.” His voice broke, and it sounded like waves crashing. Waves Sadie wanted to swim in. Let the undertow drag her down until she was suffocating with the beauty of it. But maybe that was the tea. “So, tell me,” he said after a beat, “what am I supposed to do here?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“You always know.”
The front door opened.
“Raquel said she’s going to kill you too,” Seth said as he came back in, and as he did, Jake stood.
“I accept that,” Sadie said wanly, her heart still beating fast from Jake’s confession. “But can I go to sleep first?”
Seth looked to Jake.
“Wake her up every hour,” Jake said. “And I should go. I need to figure some stuff out. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thanks,” Seth said.
“No problem.”
After he left, Sadie couldn’t look at Seth. She was so tired. And didn’t want to be yelled at. But he surprised her by taking the place Jake had occupied next to her on the couch.