“Not as much as you.”
She playfully fluffs her hair and says, “Well, no one can accomplish as much as I did. I palmed a cake and stormed out of a bakery.”
I chuckle. “I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head.”
She grabs us both a drink, and I abandon cleaning up the game when she hands me a cider. We crack them open together and take long swigs.
“You know, I was thinking about your list of things you wanted to accomplish before you got married.”
“What about it?” she asks.
“I think you should keep doing it. Clearly, it’s given you this beautiful confidence to take charge of your life, and it would be a shame if you stopped. Plus, you checked off another one of the things on your list.”
“You remember what’s on my list?”
“Lia, I remember everything about you,” I say right before I list her items off. “Do something that makes you feel pretty. Well, you did that with your hair and shopping. Not that you needed it, but I can see that you love it, and I love it too.” Her cheeks blush. “The second was create a circle of trust. Well, you have me, and I think you bonded with Kelsey, Lottie, and Myla the other day as well as starting a knitting club. That’s a great start.”
“It is. I really like them. They’re fun.”
“The third one was to spend a day saying yes. You just name the time and place, and I’ll be right there by your side the whole time.”
“Let me catch up on the work I’ve put off, and then we’ll make a day of it.” She takes a sip of her drink and pulls her legs into her chest.
“The fourth was to stand up for yourself. Well, you can check that one off because damn, Lia, you took the world by storm today, and it was so fucking amazing to watch. I was in awe.”
“Thank you. It felt good.” She looks off to the side and says, “I can’t believe he’d just sit there and let her say those things about me. It just shows that maybe he wasn’t really in love with me, and I don’t think I was in love with him. At least not recently. It’s hard to be in love with someone when they don’t treat you like they love you. They can say the words, like he did, but he didn’t prove it. He didn’t act on his love. It’s about the little things, you know? The things you don’t even notice until they’re done. Like . . . like stocking my favorite coffee because you know I can’t drink anything else. Brian never did that.”
“I’m not that douche. And I wouldn’t want you drinking anything else.” I wink.
She smiles softly. “I think my choice today also coincides with my fifth task: following my heart. It’s scary to break off an engagement because you don’t want to disappoint people, or hurt feelings, but I just felt it, you know? After speaking with the girls, things felt off, not right. And then when Brian didn’t even defend me, I knew it was over.”
“I’m glad you listened to yourself.”
She rests her head against the couch and asks, “Did you hate him?”
I finish the rest of my drink, chugging that one pretty hard. “Brian? Yes. I did. With the fury of a thousand men.”
“Wait, you hated him that much?” she asks.
“Uh . . . yeah, Lia. The only reason I tried to get along with him was for you. Not because I thought we could be friends or that I thought he was a good guy. It was all for you.”
Her eyes connect with mine, and she wets her lips. I wish I knew what she was thinking, if I could read what was going on in her mind, because it would make this so much easier. I wouldn’t be as scared of making a move . . . when the time is right of course.
“You should have told me.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t want to influence you. My feelings on the matter should never have been taken into consideration.”
“But, Breaker, if I had married Brian, wouldn’t that have been like one of your brothers marrying someone you hated?” Not even close. But I do get her drift.
“Yes and no.” This is where I could go for it and explain what loving her means to me, but it’s too soon. I know that. I could give her a taste, perhaps. “Lia, if I have learned anything through your brief and torrid engagement with Brian, it’s this. I love you too much to be happy to love you less.”
“What does that mean?” She looks so confused and forlorn.
“It means that the only way I’ll be happy if you marry someone else is if you are one hundred percent committed to him and him alone. If you were marrying me, no fucking way could I share you with another man, best friend or not. And I wouldn’t expect your husband to love you any less than that.” Because if you married me, I would be both. Best friend and husband. Period.