“Good.” I lean down and press one more kiss to her lips before pulling away. “I’ll see you Saturday for that hike.”
“Yes, Saturday,” she replies as I open the door to her apartment and head out. “Night, Breaker.”
“Night, Birdy,” I say just before I take off down the hall.
“Morning, Breaker,” Lottie says as she answers the door to her house. “How are you?”
“Good,” I say. “What about yourself?” She isn’t dressed for the day yet, still in a robe with her hair up in a bun.
“Doing okay.” Huxley appears just then and loops his arm around her waist. He presses a kiss to the side of her head and says, “Can I get you anything?”
She shakes her head and pats his hand. “I’m good.” And then she walks toward the kitchen, Huxley’s eyes watching her every step.
“What does it feel like?” I ask him.
When he turns toward me, he asks, “What does what feel like?”
“To be that in love. You’re so protective, possessive, infatuated. I don’t think I’ve ever been like that with someone.”
“Of course you have,” he says. “You’re that way with Lia.”
“Lia and I aren’t romantically involved.”
“You might not be, but you know how you get when Brian’s mom picks on her, that instinctual feeling like you will do fucking anything to make sure no one hurts your girl? That’s the feeling. That deep-seated feeling that never goes away.”
I slowly nod my head. “I get that feeling with Lia, but not on a romantic level, on a best friend level.”
“Well, when you finally fall in love with someone, that feeling you have with Lia will transfer over. Why do you ask?” He heads toward his office, and I follow him.
“I’ve sort of gone out with this girl the last few days, and she’s pretty awesome. Beautiful and smart. Great sense of humor. We don’t have much in common, but she’s sweet, quick-witted, and interesting. I went to her place last night, and we talked a lot, she even sat on my lap for a while, but I didn’t have this overwhelming need to touch her. I kept my hands on her legs because I felt like that was the right thing to do, and when I kissed her good night, I really fucking liked it, but I don’t know, I don’t think I felt anything with her.”
“Was she a bad kisser?” Huxley asks as he takes a seat at his desk. I take a seat at the one across from him.
“No, a really good kisser actually.” I heave a heavy sigh and lean forward, hands clasped. “I don’t know, man. I think I’m going through some shit, and I don’t know how to process it. I think this lawsuit and the wedding are fucking with my head.”
“Do you want to like this girl?” Huxley asks.
“I don’t want to be left behind. Alone. Everyone I know is either married, getting married, or in a relationship. I’m just over in my lonely apartment playing fucking Tetris on my computer.”
“That never bothered you before. You love Tetris.”
“I still do,” I say softly. “Fucking love it, but I don’t know, it just feels like I’m at a point in my life when maybe I should have a serious girlfriend. I’ve never really had one before, and that’s sort of weird, right?”
“You never needed one before. You’ve leaned on Lia for female companionship, and when you’ve wanted sex, you’ve had your fun. You’ve had the perfect setup for quite some time.”
“Wait, do you really think that’s it? That’s why I haven’t had a true girlfriend? Because I’ve leaned on Lia all these years?”
“Yes,” Huxley says, exhausted. “It’s frightening that you haven’t taken note of that before. It’s so fucking obvious.”
“Not to me,” I say as I lean back on my chair and press my hands into my thighs. “Do you think that’s why I haven’t found someone? Because I’ve been content with Lia?”
Huxley rubs his temple, his short patience showing. “Yes,” he answers. “That’s exactly why, because why do you need a girlfriend when Lia is all you’ve ever needed?”
“Jesus. I never thought of it that way.” If that’s the case, then it conversely means that Lia wasn’t content with just me. I have never been what she needed because she started dating Brian. So even though she’s worried about things changing between us, they already have. She now needs Brian, which means she doesn’t need me as much. Man, have I been blind.