“And thanks to you.” I touch his good shoulder. “You saved my life.”
“I-I was not strong enough,”
“Do not disparage yourself, Kai. None of us were strong enough to defeat that creature, not even with our Blessings. There’s nothing you could have done.”
Kai turns away from me and stumbles back to where our father sits. He pulls the blanket tighter around him. “There is so much I could have done.”
Sun beams off my father’s magnificent helm, and I have trouble reconciling this version of my father with the one from my childhood. The imposing man with a voice as powerful as a bellowing forge. The skilled swordsman who spent hours sparring with our mother in the gardens. The mated fae who loved our mother with such ferocity, it sometimes seemed like there was nothing left over.
When she died, she took all of that love with her. Father had been a husk then, too, but one that could feign conversation. With Eldy’s help, he had been able to rule. But now…
“Our healers still have no idea what’s causing his affliction?” I ask.
Kairyn shakes his head. “They suspect his heart could not withstand so many years of pain.”
Though outwardly Kairyn says nothing more, I hear his voice like a roar in my head: See that? You’ve not only killed Mother. Your actions are killing Father, too.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I take in stuttering breaths so the memories of the hallucination do not cloud me again. I should have admitted everything to Kairyn years ago. Without his forgiveness, how will I ever be able to forgive myself?
I need to do right by this Kairyn to stop the one in my head from tearing me apart.
I put my hand on my brother’s arm and guide him to look at me. The owl helm turns, and for once, it does not appear furrowed or vicious. Perhaps it’s the glint of the sun, or the gentleness with which he tends to my father, but my brother only seems … sad.
“Kairyn, I must do what I should have done long ago.” My voice is shaky, but I think of Rosalina. Of what her heart spurs my own to do. “I came here today to ask you something.”
Kairyn says nothing, but I hear the heavy reverberation of his breath through his helm.
“I ask not for your forgiveness, for this is not something I have yet earned. But I ask that you give me the opportunity to earn it from you. I never admitted the truth to you, even when you saw it with your own eyes.” My hands shake on his arm. “When Mother passed the Blessing of Spring on to me, the magic overwhelmed my body. I could not control it. And she was killed in the collateral.”
Still, Kairyn says nothing. I see now how long his hair is, black strands poking out from under his helm. It reminds me of the young boy, eyes so dark they were nearly black, a slightly crooked nose with a crooked smile to match.
I have not seen my brother’s face in decades. I wish more than anything I could see it now.
“You did what you felt you needed to do when you challenged me to the Rite,” I continue. “I had the choice to unhelm or kill you. I thought banishment to the monastery would give you purpose, meaning. In a way, perhaps it has. But I see now all it truly did was fracture us from what we both needed most: each other.”
I know in my heart this is what I need to do for both of us to heal. We might still have a chance at the brotherhood we never had in our youth.
I clasp the side of my brother’s helm and stare into his visor, imagining those dark eyes from his boyhood. “In my absence, you have accomplished great things in Spring. Though we may disagree on the method, I know our hearts beat toward a common goal. We have much work here. Our people are sick. Our enemy wields our greatest resource. Even Spring’s bounty turns against us, for a dangerous plant has grown in our most sacred space. But you and I can see our people through the tribulations.” I intake a deep breath. “Consider this my formal approval of your permanent position as my steward. Let us lead Spring into a time of peace and hope together.”
A heavy moment passes. Then Kairyn stumbles forward, helm falling to the crook of my shoulder. “Long have I desired to hear you speak these words to me,” he says shakily. “All the years in the monastery, I only wanted your approval and the truth of what happened.”
“I should have come sooner,” I admit. “My mind was so clouded with grief and anger.”
Kairyn straightens, his frame blocking out the sun, drenching me in shadow. “I see so clearly now what I must do. I’ve known it all this time, but I was too afraid to act. There is no other path forward for me now. I know now where my loyalty truly lies.”