“I think it’s for the best. You want me to drive you home now?”
I look down at the water and popcorn and then at the baseball game. “Actually, if you’re not eager to get rid of me, I think it would be fun to stay and hang out.”
He smiles. “Absolutely.”
And that—John—is how you tactfully end a bad date.
* * *
—
Later that night, I lie in bed restless and unable to sleep from unending questions somersaulting through my head. So I text the one person who has become my absolute safe place. “I can’t sleep. Come over?”
Ten minutes later, even though it’s against his rules, Will is slipping into my bed and wrapping his arms around me. He kisses my neck and my jaw and my temple and then with his arms around me, I fall asleep with my finger tracing the raised lines of his butterfly tattoo—scared of the day when I call and he’s too far away.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Will
I rip a clump of weeds out of the front beds of Mabel’s Inn. I don’t fully know why I’m out here—at six A.M. no less. I just know that I woke up in Annie’s bed at four thirty this morning after promising myself I wouldn’t sleep over there again, and then immediately got up and went for a run to clear my head. I jogged through town to make sure everything looked safe （apparently, I’ve designated myself the town vigilante）， and before going back up to my room, I noticed that Mabel’s flower beds were overrun with weeds. So here I am. Hands and knees, ripping clumps from her garden like they cheated on me and I need vengeance.
But really, I am desperately trying to keep my mind from thinking about Annie. I can’t figure out how to shut these feelings down. I’ve never had anyone stuck in my head like this before. When I close my eyes, I see her face. I hold her in my dreams, and I hear her voice in my ear when I’m waking up. I imagine leaving her after the wedding and my fists ball up.
I rub my chest.
It’s time to talk to someone. Shifting from my knees, I sit in the grass and scrape my hands through my hair wishing I could scrape these thoughts out too.
Before I talk myself out of it, I pull out my cell phone. Miraculously, I have service right here in the dirt of Mabel’s garden. I press the contact name open on my screen.
He answers on the second ring. “Will? What’s wrong?”
“Why do you automatically think something is wrong? Can’t I call my brother for no reason?”
“Not at six A.M. you can’t. And not after ghosting me for several weeks.” I hear the shuffling of covers and a female voice ask who’s on the phone. Hannah. Of course she’d be in bed with him. They’re a couple, and couples sleep together. All night. Side by side.
My mind flashes once again to Annie—the way she looked waking up on my chest yesterday morning. I think of her soft blue eyes flashing up at me under her thick dark lashes and the curve of her smile. And suddenly I think of seeing that every day for the rest of my life, and that painful tug in my chest happens again.
Ethan whispers to Hannah that he’ll be right back, and then I hear a door shutting softly. “Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been dodging all of my calls and texts for weeks, and now you’re calling at the crack of dawn?”
“Hardly the crack of dawn. Some of us live a whole life before six A.M.”
“I’m not one of them. I haven’t had coffee yet, and I feel like shit before seven, so you better have an amazing reason for needing me this early.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and my words are followed by a thick pause. “Not for calling early. I mean, I guess I’m sorry for that too. Or, no I’m not. You should wake up earlier. It’s good for you.” I clear my throat when I realize I’m nervously rambling. “I’m sorry for not supporting you, and for generally being an asshole about the engagement. I was never truly upset with you for proposing. I think I was just jealous and bitter that you were able to when I wasn’t. And honestly, I didn’t understand before…about you and Hannah.”
“But you do now?”
“Support you guys? Yeah, I—”
“No,” he says, quickly. “You said you didn’t understand before. But you do now?”
Damn. I walked right into that one.
I drag in a deep breath. “I—uh—maybe.” Shit, this is painful. I’m so used to being the one who has all the answers, who plows the way and teaches Ethan everything he knows. I’ve been protecting my brother from the world since we were kids. And now I feel lost and…terrified. “Ethan, how did you know that it was worth it to love Hannah?”