I turned to Lawson. “That went well.”
44
ASPEN
I wrapped my sweater tighter around my body as I swung back and forth on the porch swing, watching Cady talk Nathan’s ear off at the fence line. She couldn’t have been more excited to have the three of us pick her up from school. She hadn’t batted an eye at my story of hitting my face on a cabinet at work. I didn’t make a habit of lying to Cady, but this was one instance where she wasn’t ready for the truth.
The hinges on the door squeaked as Kerry opened it, balancing two mugs in her other hand. She smiled as she headed toward me. “I thought some hot cocoa might be in order.”
My nose stung at the kindness, the caretaking. My mother hadn’t been very good at that, too busy simply trying to keep her head above water.
I took the mug and wrapped my hands around it. The warmth seeped into me, both from the beverage and the thoughtfulness. “Thank you.”
Kerry lowered herself to the spot next to me on the swing. “How are you feeling?”
I opened my mouth to say fine, but Kerry cut me off. “Really feeling.”
I gave her a sheepish smile. “The ibuprofen helped, but my face is still throbbing a bit.”
Lines of worry deepened in Kerry’s face. “How about that beautiful brain and heart?”
“A little overwhelmed,” I admitted.
She patted my thigh. “I can only imagine. You know I’m here if you ever need to talk. Need someone to watch Cady so you can have some time to process. Anything.”
My eyes burned, and I struggled to swallow. “You aren’t mad I lied to you?”
I hadn’t seen Kerry and Nathan since the podcast came out, and the moment they appeared at The Brew to take me home, the nerves had set in.
Kerry’s eyes widened. “You did no such thing.”
I blinked a few times.
“I do believe your name is Aspen Barlow according to the US government. So you didn’t want to open up about a painful past… We all have things that are hard to talk about.”
The tears began to leak out then. “Kerry.”
She put her mug on the porch and did the same with mine, then wrapped me in a tight hug. “Sweet girl. You’ve been through more than anyone should ever have to.”
The tears came faster then. There were no sobs. Just silent rivers of emotion tracking down my cheeks as Kerry rocked me. How long had it been since I’d had this kind of motherly affection? I honestly couldn’t remember.
“I hate that you’ve been carrying this alone for so long,” she whispered. “But you’re not alone anymore. We’ve got you.”
A hiccuped sob escaped me.
Kerry rubbed soothing circles on my back. “Just let it out. You’ve been holding too much in.”
“It feels like if I let go, the pain will never stop.”
“I know, but if you don’t, it will drown you. Take you to a dark place you won’t ever come back from.”
So, I let myself cry, secure in Kerry’s embrace, feeling a true sense of family for the first time since I’d lost Autumn. I wasn’t sure how long the tears lasted, but I slowly came back to myself. To the moment. And I felt…lighter. Exhausted and wrung out, but lighter.
Kerry brushed my hair away from my face. “There you go. A good cry does wonders.”
My mouth curved. “Sorry about the unload.”
She waved me off and handed me my hot cocoa again. “You don’t have a thing to apologize for. You need to let it free. And you should keep doing it or everything will just build up again.”
I traced the heart design on the mug. “I talk to Roan.”
He was the first person I’d felt safe enough to share things with. Something about the gentleness he’d had with the deer had made him that for me. But over the past couple of weeks, I’d worried about putting more on his shoulders. I could see the stress in him, the worry—not just for me and Cady but also about the case he was working.
A light shone in Kerry’s eyes. “He’s different since he met you.”
I stilled.
“Smiles more. Laughs. I didn’t realize how silent he’d become until I heard him really laugh again.” Her breath hitched. “You gave me my boy back, and I’ll love you forever for that.”
Tears welled once more. “Please don’t make me cry again. I’m gonna get dehydrated.”
Kerry laughed. “All right. No more tears. But tell me, do you love him?”
“Yes.” The answer was instant and sure.