But I wasn’t sure I’d earned the right to say those words to Maddie. Not when I was keeping so many secrets. I released her with guilt swirling around me and forced myself out of her SUV.
I glanced around my property, a shiver cascading through me. I had the sudden bizarre wish that Roan was still here. His big, burly presence made me feel safe in a way I almost resented. I’d been going it alone for years and worked hard to ensure Cady and I were safe.
Opening the back door, I unhooked Cady’s booster seat straps. “Ready for a snack?”
“Obvi.”
My brows hit my hairline. “Obvi?”
She grinned. “Drew says it a lot.”
I could only imagine all the things Charlie’s older brother said. I only hoped Cady wouldn’t accidentally drop an F-bomb in the first grade.
Cady hopped out of the back seat and ran toward the house.
“Just leave the booster since I’m driving you tomorrow,” Maddie said.
“Okay, thanks. Have a great training session.”
“I’m meeting with a chihuahua with aggression issues.”
“Oh, boy,” I muttered.
Maddie’s eyes filled with humor. “He loves the wife but growls and bares his teeth whenever the husband gets near her.”
I chuckled. “Have fun with that.”
“I always do.”
I shut the door and headed for the front porch. Checking the screen door, I pulled out the tiny piece of wood. Then I set to work unlocking all the locks. Each one sounded like a cannon going off. They used to make me feel safe. Secure. But now I felt exposed. As if a dozen of them wouldn’t protect me.
Cady charged inside the moment the door was open and began her lovefest with Chauncey. I quickly closed the door and relocked it, stepping to the window to survey the drive. I watched and waited as Maddie drove off. No silver van appeared. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t.
“Mama?”
I turned at the sound of Cady’s voice.
Her face scrunched. “You okay?”
She was a little empath, through and through, always sensing others’ emotions.
“Yeah, honey. I’m okay.” I wouldn’t lie and say I was good. I wasn’t. But I was okay. We were. And that would stay true.
I let out a long breath. “You know what we need?”
Cady released her hold on Chauncey. “What?”
“Cocoa smash.”
Her eyes went comically wide. “Before dinner?”
I laughed. “Sometimes, you need to treat yourself. But you have to promise me you’ll eat your veggies when it’s time.”
“I promise! I promise!” Cady started booty shaking across the living room toward the kitchen, singing as she went. “Cocoa smash. Cocoa smash. Cocoa smash.”
Warmth spread through me as I grabbed the vanilla ice cream from the freezer and the hot chocolate mix from the cupboard. I dished up ice cream and sprinkled a healthy dose of the powder on top.
“Extra on mine!” Cady begged.
I sprinkled a little more. “Go big or go home, right?”
“I always go big.”
I grinned. “I like your attitude.”
I smashed the ice cream and hot chocolate mix together, creating what almost looked like chocolatey soft serve. Then I handed a bowl to Cady. She took it gleefully. “Tell me the story again.”
Pain struck deep, but it was an agony I always welcomed. “Your mom always had the best ideas.”
Cady was curious about her mom but didn’t bring her up often. She knew Autumn was in heaven and looking over her, and that Autumn had given her all the best parts of herself. But she also knew that it wasn’t safe to tell others about her mother.
Cady smiled as she took a bite of her ice cream. “Maybe that’s where I get my good ideas from.”
“I bet so.” And it killed that Autumn wouldn’t get to see that in her daughter. “I’d had a bad day at school. Some kids were mean to me.” I left out that they’d been making fun of me because my clothes were too small and ragged. “I really wanted ice cream with chocolate syrup—it was my favorite—but we didn’t have any syrup. Your mom tore the kitchen apart looking.”
“But she couldn’t find any,” Cady supplied.
“Nope. There was none to be had. But she told me she was going to make me the most special dessert.”
Cady grinned, chocolate all over her teeth. “Cocoa smash.”
“She made up the name on the spot. Made it feel special. That was just the way your mom was. Could make the most normal day feel extraordinary.”