She listened as I told her about Septimus’s claims of the existence of god blood in the House of Night—and his claims that Vincent had known, and perhaps even harnessed it. I told her about the pendant I had recovered from Lahor, and the unfortunate fact that it was likely now in Septimus’s clutches. With every sentence, her brows rose slightly higher—the only change in her expression.
“Do you think this could be real?” I said. “Did Vincent tell you about it?”
Because surely, if he was going to entrust knowledge of a secret, powerful weapon to anyone, it would have been Jesmine, his Head of War—right?
But she was quiet, a regretful expression passing over her features—like a distant reflection over glass.
“Your father,” she said finally, “was a very secretive man.”
I wasn’t expecting this shade to her voice—sad, and a little vulnerable.
“But he trusted you,” I said. “Didn’t he?”
She laughed, short and humorless. “Trusted me. Yes, perhaps. As much as he trusted anyone.”
I was confused by this. Because when he was alive, I had envied Jesmine and Vincent’s closest advisors. I had envied them because they had a level of respect from him that I thought was beyond my reach. At least, until I won the Kejari and bound myself to him, matching his strength with a Coriatis bond.
My confusion must have shown on my face, because her brow quirked. “This surprises you.”
“I just… I always thought that you two had a…”
I wasn’t sure how to word it.
“You thought because I was his Head of War, and because he was fucking me, he told me things.”
I wasn’t going to put it that way, exactly, but…
“Well, yes,” I said.
A pained flinch, there and gone again in less than a second. “Me too,” she said. “For a while.”
The tone in her voice was so uncomfortably familiar. I’d always assumed she’d gotten some part of him I never could—not the sex, of course, but the trust. It had never occurred to me that she was chasing him, too. Hell, it had never even occurred to me that she had even cared enough to want that intimacy from him.
The question slipped out before I could stop it. “Did you love him, Jesmine?”
I half expected her to laugh at me for asking. It seemed like far too personal a question. But instead, she seemed to actually consider this.
“I loved him as my king,” she said at last. “And perhaps I could have loved him as a man, too. I did in some ways. Maybe I wanted to in more. But he could not have loved me.”
Why? I wanted to ask. Because Jesmine seemed like the epitome of everything a man like Vincent should love. Beautiful. Brilliant. Deadly. Powerful. If he had ever chosen to marry, I couldn’t have imagined a better match for him.
A tight smile flitted across her lips.
“Loving someone else is a dangerous thing,” she said. “Even for vampires. More dangerous still for a king. Vincent knew that. He was never going to open himself up to more weakness. And he already had exposed himself enough with the love he had for you.”
The words struck deep, and I wasn’t prepared. My jaw tightened. A raging monsoon of emotions knotted in my chest, all of them contradictory.
I so desperately craved to hear that Vincent had loved me.
And yet, I was so angry to hear it, too. Yes, maybe he had loved me. But he had still lied to me. He had still isolated me. He had still hurt me.
Maybe he had loved me. Maybe I got what Jesmine wanted and never could have. Was I supposed to be grateful for that alone?
What if I couldn’t be?
I just said, “Well. You said it. He was a secretive man.”
Jesmine nodded slowly, in a way that said, shamefully, she understood.
Then she cleared her throat. “So no,” she said. “He never talked to me about this… god blood. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t have it. On the contrary, I think it seems like exactly the sort of thing he would do. If it existed, he would have found it.”
“If that’s true,” I said, “then I sure as hell hope he hid it well. Somewhere Septimus and Simon can’t find it. Even if the pendant—”
I winced, as I did every time I thought of that damned pendant, cursing myself for ever letting it leave my sight.
Jesmine’s lips thinned, clearly imagining all the same terrible scenarios that I was.
Defeating Septimus and Simon would already be a challenge. If they had any surprises for us, we would be fucked.