Audre & Bash Are Just Friends(67)

Reshma giggled. “My sunnies look good on you.”

“Here’s the thing. I know Bella Hadid’s famous, but I couldn’t tell you what for. And all of this”—she gestured around the pool—“isn’t really my world. But it’s fun to pretend sometimes.”

“This place makes me feel better when I’m depressed. I feel like I’m on top of the city. Everything that’s stressful is under me. I feel above it all.”

“You know what instantly brightens my mood? Replacing a boring word with a fancy one. Like ‘autumnal.’ Anybody can say “It’s September, fall is here.’ But ‘It’s September and the vibes are autumnal’ has flair.”

“I love this! My birthday’s in October. Autumnal is my birthright. Autumnal.”

“Feels good, right? What is it in Hindi?”

“Not sure. I think sharatkaal ka.”

“Even prettier.”

They smiled at each other for what felt like fifteen minutes.

“Hey, is your name short for Cleopatra?”

“Nope, just Clio. I don’t know why Mom named me that. Maybe it was my dad’s idea. But I wouldn’t know. He’s not in my life.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to pry,” said Reshma.

“No, no, it’s not a big deal. I never knew him.”

“You can’t miss what you’ve never known, right?”

Clio gazed out at the skyline, going quiet for a moment. And then she shook her head, fast, as if shaking it off. “How are you so wise at only sixteen? You sound like you’ve lived a million lives.”

“I kinda have. I mostly raised myself. My parents are always on tour, or recording, or something. I used to travel around with them, but when I turned thirteen, I started staying home, and they hired people to come check on me. Sometimes I feel British, sometimes I feel Indian, but mostly I feel American. I dream in broken Hindi sometimes, but I think and speak in English. I have godparents on four different continents.” She sighed. “I feel like a patchwork of a bunch of different shit that doesn’t match. Like a horse with a human head.”

“A centaur,” said Clio, and then her phone buzzed with an incoming text. With an exasperated noise, she clicked off her phone. Groaning, she tucked her hands behind her head. “Do you ever feel like you’ve outgrown someone?”

Reshma’s breath hitched. Was she about to open up about her boyfriend?

“Why, what’s going on?”

“Just drama with… the guy,” she said haltingly. “Is it cool if I bring him up?”

“No, sure. Of course! I know you’re not single.”

Clio’s mouth tightened a little. “Even though we were long-distance forever, I felt so connected to him. He’s artistic, kinda weird, sweet. Tall, which is important when you’re a five-ten girl like me. Just a good guy, you know?”

“Mm-hmm. So, what’s the problem?” she asked, trying not to seem overcurious.

“The problem is, what I thought was cool at sixteen is annoying now. He thinks he’s so edgy ’cause he’s slightly femme and has an eyebrow piercing. It’s giving ‘I’m-the-only-Black-guy-in-an-emo-band.’ His energy’s just exhausting, you feel me?”

It was all Reshma could do not to guffaw. Clio had described Bash to a tee.

“I absolutely know that genre of guy,” she said. “It’s like, dude, you’re not a unicorn. Welcome to Brooklyn.”

Clio chuckled a little and then went all pensive. “Can I ask you something? When did you know you liked girls?”

It’s no coincidence, thought Reshma, her heart racing, that she’s asking me this right after complaining about Bash. She’s mine, she’s mine, she’s mine.

“I never didn’t know,” she responded, trying to steady her breathing. “But I remember my big sexual awakening. I had a massive crush on the lady elves in Lord of the Rings. They rode on these beautiful horses, and ate delicious salads, and lived in forests with waterfalls. They were so at one with the earth.” She didn’t even realize how Clio figured into this description. “But I didn’t want to be one. I wanted to marry one.”

“A foresty, animal-loving elf lady was your sexual awakening.”

“Your turn. When did you know?”

“I was in love with Clawdeen Wolf from Monster High.” She giggled. “A sexy brown werewolf with fire makeup and trendy clothes who was dangerous but had a soft, sweet side.”

They looked at each other and couldn’t help but melt into nervous laughter.

“Am I Clawdeen?”

“Am I an elf?”

Reshma looked at her. “You have a boyfriend.”

She didn’t want to say Bash’s name. She didn’t even want to acknowledge that he existed in their world. It would taint the moment.

“For now I do. But I guess I’m queer-curious.”

“I’m really a lesbian,” said Reshma. “I’m not searching or curious. I’m certain.”

“And you don’t want to waste your time with a girl who’s just trying it on. I know it’s annoying.” She paused. “But here’s the thing. I’ve had other opportunities to date girls. Hello, I’m a junior park ranger. Name a gayer job.”