Daydream (Maple Hills, #3)(122)
“I don’t know what to say to him… to say to everyone I’ve been avoiding. I feel like shit, and I can’t even explain why I react the way I do. It’s not fucking normal to just shut down like this, but I can’t stop it.”
Nate listens to me rant, saying nothing until I’m done. “Everyone knows that you haven’t done anything to upset anyone. They want you to be okay, Hen. They miss you. Fuck, Stassie misses you, and I bet if I looked at my phone right now I’d have a thousand messages from her. But she’s stayed away, like you wanted, because you know how to handle yourself the best. They just all want you back, feeling good, whatever that looks like.”
“Do you practice giving speeches just in case you ever have an opportunity to give one?” Nate bursts out laughing, and it’s the light in the dark of the past few weeks. I laugh, too, rubbing my palms against my eyes.
“Yeah, every morning before I leave my place.” He drags his hand through his hair. “You don’t need me to swoop in and fix things for you, I know that. But if you need a friend to be with you while you fix things yourself, I can do that.”
“I want that. Thanks.”
“Sasha is with Stas right now. She’s decided to piss off my dad by claiming she wants to go to Maple Hills, so we’ve been tasked with keeping an eye on her until she goes on a college tour tomorrow. I have a game tomorrow night, but I can find an hour around lunchtime to see Faulkner with you. Even if I just sit quietly.”
“Thanks, Nate.”
“I think you need to get out of this room, buddy. Come for dinner with us tonight. The guys need to see you alive and kicking. Stassie needs to see you alive and kicking.”
“I haven’t been a good friend to her this year. I hardly see her anymore, and she never comes around, but I guess I never invite her and—”
“You know she cried and said the exact same thing about you? That she’d failed you by not being around. That somehow she could have prevented this if she’d seen you more. You’ll both survive this. You’ve got that weird, pseudo-sibling thing going on. I always think I should call Sash more, and she only calls me when she wants something. It’s normal. Did you know Stas met Halle?”
That makes me sit up a little straighter. “No… when? What did she say?”
“Not a lot. She was at Halle’s looking for you before she found out you were at your parents’ house. She said Halle clearly missed you, and that she was very sweet and even prettier than she was expecting. Something about a type of cat someone else has that’s apparently a big deal. I can’t remember.”
“I miss her, too. I want to call her, but I know that she’ll drop everything to help me sort my mess out. She drops everything for everyone. She never puts herself first, and I know if she finds out I have assignments and studying to do, she’ll prioritize me. I told her I needed space and I’d fix everything, and right now it doesn’t feel like it could get worse.”
“Come for dinner. The guys can help, but don’t worry too much about it, Henry. You didn’t ghost her; you didn’t just disappear with no explanation. It sounds like you told her how you were feeling, and you set her expectations. Maybe don’t feel like you need to apologize to her and feel more like you need to thank her for letting you take the time you need.”
“I don’t remember you being this wise when you lived here.”
Nate laughs again and the cloud truly feels like it’s lifting. “I don’t remember your room being this tidy.”
* * *
I FEEL LIKE THE WEIRD family member turning up at a wedding with the way everyone stares at me when I walk into the restaurant with Nate.
I take the seat next to Sasha, who is the least likely person to give me a headache, but then I remember that people can talk across tables. “It’s giving Nate is your favorite energy,” Mattie says as I put my napkin across my lap.
“I said I’d be able to coax you out of your depression pit, but Russ wouldn’t let me try. Golden retriever to guard dog like that,” Kris says, snapping his fingers.
Bobby is unusually quiet, but it doesn’t last long. “Can’t help but feel like I fucked your life up, dude. Sorry about that; he was just saying all that stuff and I could tell you were trying not to rise to it, but he went too far and I just thought fuck it.”
“I’m glad you hit him.”
Bobby smiles. “I’m glad I hit him, too. Faulkner knows and has been making my life hell as you would expect. Why didn’t you tell him, Hen? You could have just blamed me and avoided this whole mess.”
It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for the past two weeks. It was only after I left, when the adrenaline had worn off and I was retracing every second of what happened, that I realized I hadn’t told Faulkner that my swollen cheek was from me getting out of the way. That Halle hates fighting, and she would have been so disappointed. That I don’t need to fight someone like Will because I’ve already beaten him in every way by getting to be loved by Halle. It was all too late, though, and rehashing the events with Faulkner felt like the least of my problems.
“I honestly don’t know. I wouldn’t tell him what Will said because I didn’t want to embarrass Halle, and he said something about maybe I shouldn’t be captain, and I felt relieved.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t like being captain.”