Falling Like Leaves (Bramble Falls, #1)(80)

“To talk.”

“I don’t want to talk,” he says.

“Then listen.”

He crosses his arms over his chest like armor. “I don’t want to listen, either.”

“Please, Coop. I’m sorry I bailed on you and missed the Pumpkin Prom. I’m sorry I didn’t stay. It was a mistake.”

“It was expected.”

My heart aches. “Please don’t say that.”

“What do you want me to say? I’ve spent all day agonizing over what I could have done differently, Ellis, and all I came up with is that I never should have spoken to you again. I shouldn’t have let you back into my life.” His eyes look as hollow as I feel. “You know the old adage—when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.”

“But I came back,” I say weakly.

“That’s not the point!” he yells. “I can’t trust you to stay because leaving is what you do. You don’t care about anyone or anything unless it gets you closer to your goals. And the worst part? You’re so focused on what’s at the end of this path that’s been laid out for you, you hardly give a second thought to the people walking it with you. Instead you step on us and treat us like we’re in your way. Like we’re inconveniences or hurdles you have to get past on your way to reaching your dad’s dreams. Because let’s be clear, working at his company is not your dream, Ellis. Everyone who knows you knows it. But it doesn’t matter, because even though deep down you know it too, you refuse to admit it. To forge your own path.” He shakes his head and looks at the leaves scattered across the front yard. “And I’m not really interested in being another person in your life who’s nothing more than a pit stop. Someone who doesn’t matter.”

I wilt as the weight of his words sinks into my bones because he’s not wrong.

My chin quivers as I step toward him. “I’m so sorry. I want—”

“I actually don’t care what you want. And I don’t care about your empty apologies. I get that you’d rather not be here, so you were upset about your mom buying a house. But I can’t be with someone who books it out of here without considering how it affects other people.” He shrugs like he’s given up, like he doesn’t know what else to say to me. “You’ve only ever cared about yourself, and I’m over it. I’m not making the same mistake again. Now leave me alone.”

He turns to go inside, and I don’t bother stopping him.

Because what’s the point? I always wanted to be my dad, and I’ve become him.

I don’t deserve Cooper Barnett.





Chapter Thirty-Six




After having a long cry in the Bramble Falls gazebo, I sneak into Aunt Naomi’s dark house. I close the door softly behind me, and there’s a sudden movement on the couch as Mom jumps up.

“I’ve been so worried,” she says. “Your dad said he didn’t know where you were; Fern said you left there almost five hours ago; no one here had seen you. You can’t do that to me, Ellis.”

“Sorry.” It’s all I can say. I have nothing left in me.

Mom relaxes, her eyes softening. “Your dad said you found out—”

“Yeah. But I… I can’t do this right now,” I tell her. “Is it okay if we talk in the morning?”

“Of course. I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

I go to the attic, and after folding myself into a ball in my bed, I cry until I fall asleep with my face buried in my citrus-scented, salt-soaked pillow.



* * *



The next morning, I wake up to Sloane sitting on my bed with a plate of warm chocolate Pop-Tarts. She hands it to me as I pull myself up to sit.

“Heard you talked to Cooper last night,” she said. “Figured you’d need chocolate. This was all we had.”

I take a bite of the Pop-Tart. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“How are you?”

I set the plate next to me. “Not great.” She offers an empathetic nod, and I pull at a string on my comforter. “Are you mad at me?”

“What? No,” she says. “I was kind of upset because you made it sound like this is the last place in the world you want to be, but I don’t know, it kind of seems like a you problem. I feel like everyone here has been really welcoming to you, and I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to change how you feel.”

“I don’t hate it here. At all. Everyone has been great,” I agree. “And you’re right—this is totally a me problem. I freaked and then I bolted back to New York. It wasn’t the right way to handle it, and I’m sorry… but that’s not all.” I swallow, picking at my nail polish. “I found out my dad’s having an affair.”

“What!” Sloane’s expression is a mixture of shock and feral rage.

I won’t be surprised if I find her disposing of Dad’s body in a bathtub full of Mountain Dew later.

“And as soon as I found out,” I continue, “I just wanted to be back here. I took this place for granted.” I look at her. “And Cooper. I took him for granted too.”

She bites her lip, her shoulders slumping. “He’s not in a great place right now, as I’m sure you know.”