The Book Club Hotel(46)

Erica never cried. She munched popcorn in sad movies; she shook her head in disbelief when her friends cried over sad books.

Anna’s heart split in two. “Please don’t cry.”

“It’s your fault for being kind. Stop being kind.” Erica sniffed. “Does anyone have a tissue?”

“Anna will have a tissue,” Claudia said. “Anna has everything in that bag of hers. She could feed you and save a life.”

Anna dutifully produced a tissue and Erica took it from her.

“Thanks. Sorry. This is supposed to be a lighthearted getaway and I’m ruining it.”

“You’re not ruining anything.” Anna gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Whatever it is, you can tell us. We’re your family.”

Erica gave a watery smile. “Pete and the kids, they’re your family.”

Anna heard the tremor of insecurity and was shocked by it. This wasn’t Erica. “Yes, but so are you. And I’ve never given you reason to doubt that. Neither has Claudia. The three of us have been a family since the day you stomped into our room and claimed the top bunk.”

“Is it a man? Is it Jack?” Claudia was scowling. “Because I can punch him. I’ve been practicing my punches. I’m good. I’d welcome some real-life practice.”

Erica pressed the tissue to her eyes. “It’s no one you can punch. It’s not Jack.” She drew in a quivering breath. “I shouldn’t have come. It was stupid of me. Bad decision. I should have been honest with you guys, so that you could have talked me out of it.”

“So it is this place. Right, that’s it.” Claudia pulled out her phone. “We’re going to find somewhere else right away. Where’s the nearest town, Anna? We’ll find somewhere to stay tonight, and then drive to Boston tomorrow. A week in Boston will be great. We can run alongside the Charles River, linger in coffee shops and pretend we’re young college students again.”

“It’s not this place. Not exactly.” Erica blew her nose and Anna handed her a fresh tissue.

“The photograph upset you. Hattie obviously had a close relationship with her dad.” She hesitated. “Did it make you sad, seeing her with her father?”

“Yes.” Erica screwed the tissue into a tiny ball. “Yes, it did.”

“He looked like a good guy.” Claudia glanced up from her phone. “A good dad. Hattie was lucky. Except that her husband died, so maybe not so lucky...” Her voice trailed off and she glanced at Anna for help.

Anna badly wanted to say the right thing, but didn’t know what the right thing was.

She wasn’t sure what this was about.

“It must hurt seeing a caring, loving dad when your own walked out when you were only minutes old.”

“It does hurt.”

“Hattie’s dad was a good person. Your dad wasn’t and that sucks.” Claudia paused. “I’m no good at this. I’m saying all the wrong things. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not. It really does suck.” Erica screwed the tissue into a tiny ball. “Mostly because Hattie’s dad and my dad are the same person. The same guy.”

There was a long silence.

“What? What are you saying?” Anna’s head spun. “Hattie’s father?”

“Yes, Hattie’s father. That caring, loving dad.” Erica took the whole packet of tissues from Anna’s hand. “He was also my father. My dad. The one who walked out when I was eight minutes old.”



TEN


Erica

Erica stood up and walked to the window. Hattie was right. The view was incredible, but she wouldn’t have cared if she was looking at a parking lot. The feelings churning around inside her were new to her. She wasn’t used to feeling confused. She wasn’t used to admitting weakness, and right now she felt both weak and vulnerable.

Seeing that photograph had felled her. She felt as if someone had taken a baseball bat to her heart. As if everything inside her was being squeezed. She didn’t know this feeling. It might have been panic, except Erica had never panicked in her life so it couldn’t possibly be that.

She felt as if the walls of the room were closing in on her.

She’d arrived here thinking that she’d be able to take it slow, observe, find out what she needed to find out and then make a measured decision based on the facts. She hadn’t expected to be plunged deep into emotions so visceral she’d been robbed of breath.

Her thoughts and feelings about her father had all been acquired secondhand, given to her by her mother.

Some men can’t handle responsibility.

You can’t trust a man to stick by you when times are tough.

Those were the answers she’d been given whenever she’d asked questions about her father. Her mother had placed all the blame squarely on him.

Some men aren’t built to be fathers.

But now she had evidence to the contrary. Maybe her father hadn’t been able to handle the responsibility of her, but he’d handled being a father to Hattie. Maybe some men didn’t stick around when times were tough, but her father had stuck around for Hattie. He’d stuck by her in the toughest of circumstances. He’d been a great father to Hattie.

So what did that mean?

Erica wrapped her arms around herself.