The Book Club Hotel(49)

“That’s true. Those facts didn’t tell me how he reacted when his wife died. Didn’t tell if he was a good father, although he obviously stayed, so that was a start and a very definite improvement on his performance with me.”

Claudia thumped her empty glass back on the table. “We’re not ready to give him an A plus yet.”

“I had more questions than I had answers. And then we walked into this inn, I saw that photograph downstairs and the answers were right there.” There was an ache in the center of her chest. “However he felt about us, his first family, he loved his second family. He didn’t walk out on them the way he did us. This time he didn’t run from the challenge. He raised his child on his own. He was a good dad.”

“Maybe he was.” Anna swung her legs off the bed and walked across to her. “And that’s good in one way, but hard in another. It has to hurt.”

“I’m still processing.” She couldn’t make sense of her feelings, or maybe it was simply that she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to feel this much about anything. She preferred to skim along the surface of life, never dipping deeper.

“Wait—” Claudia joined them at the window. “That means Hattie is your half sister. You have a half sister.”

The ache in Erica’s chest grew more intense. “That’s right.”

The three of them absorbed the implications of that.

“Well—” Claudia swallowed. “I mean, she seems nice. Don’t you think so, Anna? Warm and caring? Also, she has great taste in boots. And a good eye for interior design if the inn is anything to go by.”

“Yes.” Anna pressed her hand to her chest. Her eyes were shining. “Erica, you do realize what this means? You have family. Actual family. And Hattie has a daughter, which means you’re an aunt.”

“Stop it. You know that word freaks me out.”

“I know. You refused to let my kids call you Aunt Erica.”

Erica tried not to recoil. “Too heavy. Too much responsibility.”

“Being an aunt freaks me out, too. Mostly because it’s expensive,” Claudia warned. “I told my sister to stop at two, but did she listen? No. Start saving now.”

“But family.” Anna emphasized the word and Erica sighed.

“Only in your world is family the equivalent of an all-weather down duvet ready to protect you from everything. Hattie and I are not family, Anna. We’re strangers.”

“But not for long. You’re going to fix that. When are you planning to tell her? Do you want us to be there when you do it? How can we support you?”

Erica rubbed her hand over her chest. She couldn’t ever remember feeling this stressed. “I’m not planning to tell her.”

There was a shocked silence.

“Wait—you’re not planning to tell her at all?” Claudia enunciated the words carefully. “Not ever?”

“That’s right.” Erica turned back to the window. Her legs were shaky and she felt a little sick.

“But if you’re not going to tell her,” Anna said slowly, “why did you come here?”

It was a reasonable question and one she’d been asking herself constantly. “Because I only now this minute made that decision. Before arriving here, I hadn’t made up my mind what I was going to do. I was just doing the research. I read about her in the report. I read that she was widowed, and on her own with a child, and I thought about how she might be struggling, the way my mother struggled. And I thought I’d come here and check things out, see if maybe I could—” She stopped. Could what, exactly? Saying it aloud made her realize how ridiculous the whole situation was. “I thought maybe she needed help, but honestly it was a crazy idea. What sort of help would I be? What exactly would I say? Hi, you don’t know me—you probably don’t even know of my existence—but I wanted to check you’re okay. Hattie is clearly okay. She has a whole community looking out for her, including the Christmas tree guy, and even if she wasn’t okay, what am I going to do about it? I don’t know anything about kids. I don’t know anything about running an inn, particularly a country inn. I’m a city person. And honestly, she’d probably be less okay if she found out about me. It’s probably best if I just slink back into the shadows and stay as my father’s dirty little secret.”

Claudia frowned. “You don’t think she knows?”

“She doesn’t know. Why would she know? It was forty years ago. My father had a different life then. He clearly reinvented himself, very successfully, it seems.” The more she thought about it, the more she could see she’d made a big mistake. Some things were best left alone, and this was one of them. “I shouldn’t have come here. I think you’re right about leaving, but I don’t have the energy to go anywhere right now. We’ll stay one night, then check out tomorrow and go to Boston as you suggested. We’ll think of an excuse and let Hattie keep the money. I’ll pay for the next place, and I’m really sorry I’ve ruined our vacation.” And she felt terrible about that because she knew how important this week was to them all.

“You haven’t ruined anything,” Anna said. “And if you want to leave, then of course we’ll do that.”

She felt a rush of love for her friends. “Thank you. You probably think I made a bad decision coming here.”