The Book Club Hotel(48)
Claudia probably would have set fire to it.
Anna slipped off her boots and curled up on the bed, settling herself in for a good heart-to-heart. “But if he sent a card, then that means he was thinking of you. He hadn’t just walked away and forgotten about you. Maybe it didn’t happen exactly as your mother said.”
“Or maybe it happened exactly as she said, and he had second thoughts.” Claudia frowned. “Were there more cards?”
“No, just the one.”
“But why go to the trouble of sending a birthday card and then never send another one? That doesn’t make sense. Not that I expect male behavior to make sense.” Claudia paced across the room, as she always did when she was thinking. “I mean, he walks away. Your mother doesn’t hear from him. Then he sends a card. Why?”
Erica had been asking herself the same question. She’d asked it over and over again.
“Maybe he had a moment of guilt, and after that it was easier not to bother.”
“Was there a date on it? Do you know when it was sent?”
“He sent it when I was twelve. A single card.”
“But why—” Claudia stopped pacing and exchanged looks with Anna. “Well, whatever the reason, it’s rough. I wish you’d told us.”
“I wish you’d told us, too, but only because we would have wanted to support you and be there for you.” Anna spoke softly. “Do you need a hug?”
It was so very Anna, that Erica almost smiled. “I don’t need a hug, but thank you.”
Claudia was still processing the information. “All these years you thought your father just walked out and never looked back. That he didn’t think about you once. But clearly the guy thought about you.”
“For as long as it took to send the card, at least.”
Claudia tapped her fingertip on her cheek. “Are you upset with your mother for not showing you the card?”
“At first, I was confused. Maybe a little angry. But then I thought about it from her point of view. The man left her when she was at her most vulnerable. She put all her trust in him. So I could hardly blame her for protecting herself when he got in touch after so long. I assume it was out of the blue.”
“I don’t think she was only protecting herself.” Anna stood up and poured a glass of water from the jug on the table. She handed it to Erica. “She was protecting you. Her baby. He hurt you both. He let you down. She couldn’t risk him doing it again. At least that’s how I’d feel if Pete had walked out when the twins were born. She was trying to be strong for you both.”
Erica felt her heart miss a beat. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
She took a sip of water. Was that what had happened? She’d tried to imagine how her mother must have felt when that card had arrived. Tried to imagine her making the decision about how to respond. She’d been twelve years old. Had her mother considered giving it to her or had she just made up her mind right away not to ever show Erica?
Anna poured water for herself and Claudia. “But how does Hattie fit into this? Did your mother know about her existence?”
“I don’t know. I assume not. There was nothing in her things to suggest she’d had any contact with him at all. That she knew anything about his circumstances.”
“I still don’t understand,” Claudia said. “You found the card two years ago. So what did you do? You tracked him down?”
“At first, I did nothing. I was missing my mother horribly. I decided that if she didn’t want me to know about the card, then I’d forget I ever saw it. I wanted to respect her wishes. Also, I was angry—thinking back about how very hard her life was back at the beginning and blaming him.” Her head started to ache. She finished her water and handed the glass back to Anna. “But I couldn’t forget it. And then a few months ago I decided to find out more so I hired someone. I wanted to know if my father was alive, and what he was doing. I didn’t have plans to get in touch or anything. I just wanted to know what happened to him. It felt like unfinished business.”
“I can’t believe you hired a private investigator.” Claudia was fascinated. “I’ve only ever seen that happen in the movies. I didn’t know people did that in real life.”
Anna was focused on Erica. “How much did you find out?”
“Quite a bit.” Erica thought of the file on her computer. “He moved to England right after he left my mother. I guess if you’re going to run, you might as well run far. He worked there for a while, then quite a few years later met a woman who he married. They had one child. Hattie. His wife died a week after giving birth. Blood clot.”
“Oh, that’s tragic.” Anna sat down hard on the edge of the bed.
“Yes. He was left with a newborn.” And the irony of that hadn’t escaped her. “I suppose if he was going to run from fatherhood a second time he would have done it then, but he didn’t. He raised the child alone. Those were the facts, but facts don’t tell you anything really. They didn’t tell me if he ever thought about his other family. They didn’t tell me if he was sorry for the way he treated my mother.”
“And you,” Anna said softly. “He didn’t just abandon your mother. He abandoned you.”
It was typical of Anna to understand the full emotional impact of any situation.