The Thrashers(99)

He seemed sober, thankfully, and when Jodi and Rosa came inside, there were no beer bottles cluttering the tables and nightstands.

“I have something to talk with you about,” Jodi said. Her voice caught and her body wanted to flee.

“Okay,” he said, sitting down on the end of the bed. Rosa sat at the small table near the window, and Jodi stood between them, facing her dad.

“I … I don’t like it when you drink.” Tears sprung into her eyes, and she felt like they’d drown her if they were let loose. “You get mean.”

Dad blinked at her, and then he seemed to deflate. He glanced at Rosa before saying to Jodi, “I need to cut back. I know. I’m sorry—”

Rosa snorted, interrupting him. Jodi waved her hand at her, reminding Rosa to let her talk.

“You get mean when you drink,” Jodi continued, realizing she could just say it quickly and be done. “And you have thrown things at me. Bottles. You threw a bottle at me once and it hit me.”

Her dad’s mouth opened slowly, staring at her slack-jawed. “What?” he asked quietly.

Jodi’s hands were shaking, so she stuffed them in her pockets.

“A beer bottle hit me once, and it left a bruise. I’m sorry to tell you this, but due to some things with the Emily Mills case, I had to tell the police about that.” She sniffed back her tears. “I would never press charges against you—”

“And she should!” Rosa yelled. “Your only daughter, Hank! The last thing either of us have of Josephine, and you—”

“Rosa,” Jodi said firmly. “Can you please wait outside now?”

Rosa stomped to the door with a glare, muttering under her breath. Once she’d slammed it closed, Jodi turned back to her father.

He was staring at the thinly carpeted floor. A solitary tear was trailing down his cheek.

Jodi looked at the ceiling, begging her own tears to fall back into her eyes.

“Jodi…”

When he didn’t say anything else, Jodi plowed forward.

“I got into CalArts. I didn’t think I could tell you because you’d be upset about money, but I’m really excited to go. I’m working on doing backdrops for theater and painting sets. It hurt my feelings when you didn’t come see Our Town last fall.” Her throat clicked, and her tears fell without warning. She felt her air being constricted, like water was lapping at her lungs. “You were available, you were just drunk. I came home after a show and you were asleep on the chair. You could have come.”

“I’m sorry. I’m…” He ran a hand over his head, still not meeting her eyes. “I should have been there. I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could tell me about college. And I’m sorry that I threw something at you, Jodi.” He finally looked up at her. “I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

She nodded at him, letting more tears fall.

“I’m gonna stop,” he said. “I’m done. I want you to watch me pour out what’s in the fridge.” He gestured to the little mini fridge.

“It’s okay. I trust you to do it.” Jodi sniffed. “Thank you for apologizing. I’m sorry that I had to tell the police.”

He waved his hand. “No, it’s fine. What happened with your friend Emily?”

Jodi gave him a very brief version of the story. Her legs were shaking, so she sat in Rosa’s empty chair.

“I have a few more months in Sacramento,” she said, “and I want to see you, but I don’t want to live with you.”

“I understand.” His chin wobbled. “We’ll get to Topgolf. And of course, I’ll be there for graduation.”

She smiled weakly. “I have to go. I have a lot to do.” Jodi took a deep breath and stood.

Neither of them moved for a hug, and Jodi was grateful. It was too raw. Her skin felt like fried electrical wires.

As she reached for the door handle his quiet voice floated to her.

“It’s hard, Jo. It’s really hard to not have the life you imagined. And to be alone for it.” His eyes lifted from the floor to look at her.

“You weren’t alone,” she said softly.

Her dad took a deep breath through his nose, his lips pressed tightly together. He nodded. “No. I wasn’t alone. I forgot that sometimes.”

Jodi chewed on the inside of her cheek, deciding if there was more to say or not. She opened the door and whispered, “See you soon” before closing it behind her.

The sunlight burst over her skin as she turned to face Rosa. She breathed deep, like coming up for air after being underwater for too long.

“It’s done,” she said. Rosa took her home.



* * *



On Monday morning, Jodi found Lucy standing at her locker before the first bell.

“Hi.” Jodi smiled weakly, but before she could say anything else, Lucy swept her into a hug.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Lucy said. “This has got to be really rough for you.”

Burying her face in Lucy’s shoulder, Jodi breathed in her scent. She felt like she hadn’t been hugged like this in months.

Jodi finally released her and stepped back. “I did have to. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my dad, but I also don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Any of you.”