The Thrashers(97)

She didn’t sit on the comfortable couches that had been a second bed to her for all these years. She stood in the center of the room and watched him cross his arms in front of his chest.

“You told me,” she said, “on the night you were arrested. You told me you didn’t do it.”

His eyes flicked away.

“You cried. I held you as you cried, because you were innocent, because you were afraid.”

“I am innocent,” he said, gaze snapping back. “I didn’t rape her. We had sex—or started to—” Jodi swallowed thickly. “And it was consensual. I don’t deserve to go to jail for it.”

She cleared her throat. “You can’t pretend you didn’t know it wasn’t legal, Zack.”

“Oh, and we don’t do anything illegal, you and me, right?” His voice was crisp and direct. His eyes narrowed. “McKinley Park after curfew. Driving without a license?”

“Are you really turning the things I do for you—for you—back on me? Driving drunk is also illegal, but I didn’t see you volunteering to stay sober—”

“Whatever.” He waved his hand, like she was a buzzing fly. “What do you want?”

The dismissal was like an arrow to her chest.

“I’d like Emily Mills to still be alive,” she snapped. “Can you do that? I’d like not to be dragged into a courtroom to testify against everyone I love. I’d really like to have the three thousand dollars I spent on a lawyer for all this back—”

“What the fuck, Jodi? Like—Jesus.” His hand raked through his hair. “If you want money, I can give you money.”

She flinched, like he’d slapped her. His expression was irritated, quizzical. She waited for him to realize what he’d said, what he’d ignored, but it never happened.

She inhaled deeply, pulling her thoughts together.

“I came over to give us a chance to talk about this. But I don’t think we’re ready. So I’m giving you a heads-up that I’m not lying anymore—about anything. If I’m asked about this under oath, I’m telling the truth.”

His eyes widened as she moved toward the door, pacing around him.

“Are you serious? You really think I should go to jail for—”

Jodi spun back to him. “Why did you sleep with her?” she yelled. “Zack, did you like her?”

“No! I mean, she was fine. I never hated her like you all did.”

“But did you have feelings for her?”

His fingers scraped down his face. “No.”

“Then why?”

“She was there! She was there, in front of me, offering, okay? I’m not proud of it, obviously, but she was there and she was listening to me and she was…” He sighed. “She was really seeing me, okay?”

“I’ve been there,” Jodi whispered. “I’ve been listening. I’ve been seeing you for ten years, Zack. Don’t pretend you don’t know!”

He blinked at her.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t loved it—the knowledge that you can have any of us.”

He swallowed. “What are you…”

“She was there? That’s such bullshit. You had the upper hand with Emily, and you know it. I would have given anything for you to look at me—to listen to me, to see me—and think, ‘she’s here.’ I’ve been here.”

He looked out the window at the pool, and she saw his eyes moving quickly, calculating. Her own were overflowing.

“But instead, you chose to take your clothes off with someone who you barely knew. So clearly, she was giving you something I haven’t been. Clearly, you were attracted to her, or enchanted by her, or fucking something, Zack. Because she wasn’t just there.”

The tip of his nose was red as he sniffed. “I liked being liked by her. That’s all.” He turned to Jodi. “And maybe I did know about you. About how you felt. I don’t think I really knew how I felt until I lost you.”

She rolled her eyes at his garbage clichés. “Lost me? When?”

His jaw clenched. “How long has this thing been going on with Julian?”

Breath puffed out of her in a laugh. “Like, twenty-four hours, okay? So, relax.” She shook her head. “You didn’t come after me, Zack. I—I walked home last night. And this morning, Julian was the first person on my doorstep.” His eyes narrowed, but she continued, “But even before that. You haven’t been putting me first for a long time. Probably since, like second grade, to be honest. But I’ve been putting you first every second of every day since then. I don’t want to have pieces of a person.”

“Julian isn’t the type of person to put you first, either,” he snarled.

“Yeah, but I didn’t ask him to. Like I said: twenty-four hours.”

Zack stepped forward, grabbing her hands. Jodi looked down at them.

“I can try. I can be better at putting you first,” he said. She watched him swallow, watched his eyes flicker between hers. “We could try … to be something new, too.”

Jodi stepped back. Her stomach was roiling. “This timing sucks, Zack. You didn’t feel any of this before your best friend kissed me.”

“But maybe I did!” He gripped her hands tighter. “Maybe I just didn’t want to fuck it up—”