Totally and Completely Fine(32)

From upstairs came a crash and the sound of something rolling across the floor.

Spencer laughed. “Quiet?”

“Different kind of quiet,” I said.

He nodded. “It’s nice,” he said, looking around. “We could paint it, you know?”

“I’m thinking pink,” I said. I wasn’t, but I could if I wanted to.

I could do anything. Within the confines of my lease.

“I can get you a deal on that,” he said.

We finished the pizza, did the dishes—all two of them—and carefully, cautiously sat down on the couch. It didn’t collapse immediately, which I took as a good sign.

“What now?” I asked, thinking we’d make out.

Maybe touch each other. Maybe I’d give Spencer a blow job. He’d liked that last time, and I’d liked the way he’d come undone. It was sexy and intimate, and he was so beautiful that sometimes it made my heart hurt.

“Maybe you should show me your bedroom,” Spencer said.

He was looking at the floor, his cheeks red.

“You saw my bedroom,” I said.

“I know,” he said. “But…we’re alone.”

“Oh,” I said. “Okay.”

We’d never really done anything on a bed before. Some kissing in my room when we first got together, but that had always seemed so precarious, so most of our experimenting had happened in the back seat of Spencer’s car. Not the most comfortable place.

I took his hand and led him to the bedroom, both of us stopping in the doorway.

My bed wasn’t big. It wasn’t fancy, though I’d taken some pride in making it this morning and even fluffed the pillows to give it a magazine-y look.

Spencer turned toward me, taking my hands in his. We were smushed together in the doorway. On the threshold.

“I’m ready,” he said.

It took a moment for me to understand what he was saying.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“I thought you wanted to wait,” I said, not knowing why I wasn’t just pulling him into the bedroom and tossing him onto the bed.

I guess I had matured somewhat.

“I’m done waiting,” he said. He took my face in his hands. His eyes were focused, clear. Direct. “I want to be with you.”

I swallowed.

“I want to be with you too,” I said.

I’d never been more sure of anything in my life.

“I have condoms,” he said.

“I do too,” I said. “And other stuff.”

His eyebrows went up. “Other stuff?”

This time I was the one who blushed. “Just, like, lube and that kind of thing.”

We took out our supplies and sat on the edge of the bed together. Spencer’s hand was on my knee, mine on top of his.

“I’m nervous,” he said.

“Me too,” I said,

We were both whispering.

“You’re nervous?” he asked.

I bristled at that a little. “Yeah. I’m allowed to be nervous.”

He smiled. “I know. It’s just, I didn’t expect that. It’s nice.”

I softened. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Though, I’m glad that one of us knows what we’re doing.”

I kissed him. He kissed me back.

We both knew how to do that.

We kissed and kissed and kissed.

I took off his shirt. He took off mine. Then my pants. Then his pants. Then my bra. Then my underwear. Then his.

We were naked and alone in my apartment.

I was ready. But Spencer hesitated, the two of us kneeling on the bed, facing each other, not a thing between us.

“Here,” I said. “Let me show you.”

Chapter 20

Now

The woman from the interview was taller than I’d expected.

“Hi, I’m Lauren, Gabe’s sister,” I said.

“Chani,” she said.

She had a good handshake. My dad had always been big on handshakes. He’d taught all of us—me, Gabe, and Spencer—the trick to one. Grip firmly, shake once, and let go. No limp wrists. No knuckle busting. Just a good, solid shake.

My dad would have liked her on that merit alone. Spencer too.

Then again, neither of them had been especially hard to impress.

I thought about when I’d met Ben. Taking my hand with both of his had been a nice touch. A little more personal than the average handshake, but I’d liked it.

“This is Lena,” I said.

“Hey,” Lena barely managed, her attention purposefully focused elsewhere.

The timing was bad. Gabe had texted us to say that he was coming back to Cooper with a guest in tow. Technically two guests, as Ollie was in town as well. Unfortunately for Lena, he was not the one joining us for dinner tonight. Instead, it was Chani.

The woman who’d written the article about Gabe all those years ago. The one my mom was convinced he was halfway in love with. The one who he insisted had nothing to do with why he rushed off and married Jacinda immediately after the interview was published.

The rumor that hadn’t been a rumor at all.

When Lena learned who he’d brought back to Cooper, she’d muttered something about Uncle Gabe not being the best judge of women.