Totally and Completely Fine(36)

It was hours before he returned. I had cleaned up dinner and paced the apartment dozens of times. I thought about calling Diana to see if he was there, but if he wasn’t, I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing anything was wrong, and if he was there, well, I honestly didn’t want to know.

A few months ago, Gabe had come home for a visit, staying with our mom. She still hadn’t retired—the mortgage on her place would be too much if she left at this point. We went out for dinner almost every night he was in town, on him. He’d looked thin and unhappy and reeked of the beer he was constantly drinking. He kept blaming it on Los Angeles—the city was grinding him down, but he was fine, so stop bugging him.

If he were still here, I’d know exactly where to find Spencer. The two of them would be doing a loop around Central’s football field, talking the way they always had. I was pretty sure Spencer never spoke to me the way he talked to Gabe.

It was dark when I heard him come home. I was in the bedroom, in bed, trying to read a cookbook I’d gotten from the library when I heard the squeak of the hinge and then the scrape of the door against the linoleum where it bottomed out every single time.

I’d gone from angry to worried and back to angry, which is why I didn’t get up out of bed. I listened to the shuffling in the other room and waited. He finally appeared in the doorway. He had a bag in his hand. I recognized the label on the side as he handed it to me.

I tore it open to find the electric blanket and hugged it to my chest. It was soft and even though it wasn’t plugged in, I swore it warmed me immediately.

“I’m sorry,” Spencer said, sitting down on the bed.

“I’m sorry too,” I said, still cradling my precious gift.

“I just want us to have a home.”

I looked over at him.

“We don’t need a house for that,” I said. “You’re home.”

I could tell that meant a lot to him—after all, I wasn’t one for being too sentimental or mushy with my feelings. It was probably the most romantic-adjacent thing I’d ever said to him, besides “I love you.”

He reached a hand across the bed, and I took it.

“We don’t have to stop saving,” I said. “Just…just not everything, okay?”

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

“Come here,” I said, pulling back the covers so he could climb in.

“Wait,” he said, and came over to my side of the bed.

I didn’t understand what he was doing until he untangled the cord from the electric blanket and plugged it into the wall.

“Crank it,” he said.

I did, and snuggled up next to him, slept better than I had in months.

Chapter 22

Now

It was the third time that week. Three different couples.

“Out, out, out.” I shooed the two teenagers from the corner stacks. “You’ll have to find somewhere else to do that.”

Both of their faces were bright red, but the store was basically empty, so they were able to scurry off without too much attention. I didn’t want them doing…whatever they were doing…here, but that didn’t mean I was going to shame them for it.

“I swear, there’s something in the water,” I said.

Allyson was at the counter, eating half my lunch, flipping through one of the books that I needed to shelve.

“I thought you brought your own food,” I said.

“I did.” She pointed to some Tupperware. “But you’re a much better cook than I am.”

“Good thing I made extra,” I said.

“It’s like you knew,” she said.

I rolled my eyes, but fondly. She wasn’t wrong, and this wasn’t the first time this had happened.

“More face sucking in the stacks?”

“It’s like someone’s written something on the bathroom door at the high school,” I said. “For a good time, go to the third bookshelf in the back of the Cozy.”

“It is pretty secluded back there,” Allyson said.

I gave her a look.

“Not that I have anyone to suck face with,” she said, only a little bitterly.

I patted her hand. “One day your prince will come,” I said. “And you will once again suck face.”

“Gross,” Lena said.

I hadn’t heard her come in. She was followed by Gabe and Chani—it was clear that she had been walking as far in front of them as possible.

“That’s right,” Allyson said. “It is gross. Until you’re eighteen.”

“Eve’s books are in the back,” I said, knowing exactly what she was here for.

She went into the office.

“More problems in the stacks?” Gabe asked.

“The stacks?” Chani asked.

“Calling it that just makes it sound more legit,” I said. “It is literally just that corner of the store where people are hiding and making out—I need to move the bookshelves around so it’s not so secluded.”

“Teenagers will be teenagers,” Gabe said.

“Is that what you were doing at that age?” Chani asked him.

She said it innocently, but if I’d learned anything about her in the brief time she’d been here, it was that she knew how to keep my brother on his toes.