Totally and Completely Fine(78)

We’d still posted it on the fridge, right next to Lena’s latest crayon masterpiece.

“I hope Spencer’s college fund is just as big as Lena’s,” I told Gabe the next time I spoke to him. “Because I’m pretty sure if you want one of them to become a doctor, it’s probably going to be Spencer. He’d be thrilled at the thought of an extra decade in school.”

“Great,” Gabe had said. “They can start a joint practice together. Parker and Daughter.”

I liked the sound of that.

I didn’t like the sound of ice cubes clinking in a glass on the other end of the phone. Gabe insisted it was nothing, but I knew he wasn’t over there sipping on lemonade. Jacinda had confirmed as much when I’d spoken to her last week.

“He doesn’t think it’s a problem,” she’d said.

“What do you think?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” she said. “Until he realizes what he’s doing and wants to make a change, there’s nothing any of us can do.”

I hated feeling so helpless.

“What should we have for dinner?” I asked.

“I can make pizza,” Spencer said.

“Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” Lena cheered.

“Is there any dough in the freezer?” I asked.

“Mmm?” Spencer’s attention had returned to the course catalog. “I wonder if I should take American Art this semester.”

“Too many classes,” I warned him.

He gave me a sheepish look. “It’s just so hard to choose—and who knows if this class will be recurring.”

“You’re the one who made me promise to hold you back if you started going overboard.”

“I know,” Spencer said. “And I should listen to you—and myself—but I don’t know. I think I’m going to sign up for it.”

I sighed but I wasn’t really annoyed. Because even when he was stressed about school and balancing too many courses, he was still the same Spencer. Kind. Patient. Loving.

He never lost his temper with Lena, never yelled at her. On the rare occasions he got frustrated to the point of annoyance, he always—always—apologized to her. It was something I struggled with, so I was grateful that Lena had one parent that knew how to connect with her.

I watched them at the table, licking the brownie bowl and getting it all over the course catalog, their shirts, and most of Lena’s chin.

“You two are a mess,” I told them, coming around with a wet dish towel.

Lena squirmed as I wiped off her face, but Spencer just beamed up at me as I dabbed at the chocolate stain on his collar.

“You’re my favorite wife,” he said.

I rolled my eyes at him. “You just like the brownies,” I said.

“They are good brownies.”

I tossed the dish towel at him. It landed neatly on his head, like a too-small ghost costume, and Lena started hiccupping with laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Spencer asked, pretending that nothing was wrong. He had his hands on his hips as he looked around, his face still covered with the towel. “Where did Lena go?”

“I’m here, Daddy!” she said.

“I can hear her,” he said. “But I just can’t see her.”

“Daddy!” She waved her arms, and when that didn’t work, she pulled the towel off him.

“Oh, there you are!” Spencer said.

He had such a great smile.

“I was worried I’d lost you,” he said to Lena.

She shook her head. “You’re silly, Daddy.”

“I know.” He pulled her into his lap and tickled her. “I know.”

Chapter 42

Now

“I feel like a spy,” Ben said as we pulled out of the parking lot.

“You’re definitely dressed like one,” I said, glancing down at his outfit.

“I’ll have you know these are my cleanest blacks,” he said. “And I shined my boots. Just for you.”

I had noticed that.

Of course, it was one of the last things I’d noticed since he’d shown up to our meeting spot on his motorcycle. Nothing could have prepared me for how fucking hot it was to watch Ben swing his leg over the bike, pull his helmet off, and run his hand through his hair.

My mouth had gone entirely dry.

My underwear? Wet.

“Another surprise?” Ben asked when I wouldn’t tell him the restaurant we were going to. Or the town.

He didn’t seem to mind.

Lena had decided to spend the night at my mom’s but had actually considered taking Gabe up on his invitation, which was more than she might have done when he first arrived in Cooper with Chani. In the end, it had come down to who was guaranteed to have the best snacks. No one could beat Elizabeth Parker in that department.

“Just keep playing the long game,” I’d told Gabe.

No one even asked where I was going, but I’d concocted an entire excuse anyway—that I was out with Allyson and didn’t know when we’d get back.

“You owe me,” Allyson had said. “Because now I have to sit at home, in the dark, and pretend I’m not there.”

“No one is going to be driving by your house,” I told her.