Totally and Completely Fine(81)

I snorted.

Ben leaned back and counted off with his fingers. “Danny wanted to date other people. Martina thought I was a sellout for taking the SXS job instead of staying in theatre. Keenan didn’t like the distance. Eric cheated. Safiyyah realized she was not in fact bisexual, but actually a lesbian. Pedro also didn’t like the distance, and my last relationship was about a year ago, and they cheated as well.”

I blinked.

“And how many hearts have you broken, Lauren Parker?” Ben asked.

Thankfully I was saved from answering that question by our drinks arriving. Mocktails for both of us.

“Someone thought you were a sellout for taking SXS?” I asked.

Ben smiled. “How did I know that’s the one you were going to want details on?” he asked. “Martina is an actor’s actor. At least, that’s how she’d describe herself. We met doing a ramshackle production of A Doll’s House. She was Nora. I was the porter.”

I didn’t know much about the play but I could infer that Ben’s part had not been a prominent one.

“She was the experienced actress, I was the fresh-faced newbie,” Ben said. “She took me under her wing.”

“And then some,” I teased.

He winked. “I always did have a thing for older women,” he said.

“Here I was, thinking I was special.”

Ben reached across the table and took my hand.

“You are special, Lauren,” he said. The honesty and seriousness of his tone surprised me.

We pulled apart as our appetizers arrived—fresh corn fritters with homemade huckleberry sauce.

“So,” I said. “Martina. Would I know her from anything?”

“Naw.” Ben shook his head. “She’s a strictly theatre kind of person. The kind that thinks that TV and movies are where talent goes to die.”

“Ouch,” I said. “Guessing she didn’t like it when you started getting movie roles?”

“You’d be right,” he said. “Booking SXS was kind of the death knell of that relationship. She thought I was a traitor.”

“That’s pretty harsh,” I said.

“She’s an intense person,” he said. “We talk now and then.”

“Does she still think you’re a traitor?”

“Absolutely,” Ben said with a smile. “But she watches everything I do. And sends me notes.”

“You’re kidding.”

He shook his head, a big smile on his face. “It’s her version of an olive branch.”

“I would think she’d want you to do well,” I said.

“She does. I think she was jealous when I got the offer, though she’d never admit it,” Ben said. “Told me that it was my looks that got me work, not my talent.”

At the look on my face—I was frowning—Ben shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he said. “It’s a hard business. Competitive. Brutal. I’m sure Gabe has told you how wearing it can be on your self-esteem.”

“I don’t know how he does it,” I said.

“It’s a delicate mix of ego, stupidity, and a love of attention that gets people into it,” Ben said. “But once I found it, I never wanted to do anything else.”

He took a drink. I watched him—he looked gorgeous in the candlelight.

“What about you?” he asked.

“I would rather get that tattoo you were talking about than have to stand in front of a bunch of people and entertain them.”

Ben laughed.

“What about in high school?”

“Hated public speaking even more,” I said.

“I mean, what were you like back then,” he said, looking at me with a discerning gaze. “I’m trying to imagine you in high school.”

“What do you think I was like?”

He considered this.

“Quiet,” he said. “Thoughtful. Spent most of your time in the library reading sexy novels.”

I laughed and choked a little on my drink.

“Am I close?” Ben asked.

“Not at all,” I said.

“Tell me.”

“I was a pretty big stoner,” I said.

“No way,” he said.

I nodded. “Spent most of my teen years high out of my mind.”

“I bet you’re hilarious when you’re high,” Ben said. “I tend to get very quiet and sleepy.”

“I get hungry and bored,” I said. “It was one of the reasons I got into baking.”

“Okay, so you weren’t reading sexy novels in the library,” Ben said. “What else did you do in high school?”

“I slept around a lot,” I said.

He laughed, clearly thinking I was joking. At my expression he stopped, a new appreciation appearing in his eyes.

“You slept around a lot,” he repeated.

I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. And it wasn’t. I didn’t feel the shame I used to feel when I thought about who I’d been.

If anything, I found myself missing her more and more these days.

“You’re not the only one with a reputation,” I said. “I sowed quite a few wild oats when I was younger.”