West of Forever (Heartstone Ranch #1)(76)

I shake my head. “No, I didn’t, but…”

“Stop,” he cuts me off. “Absolutely not. There is no but in this, Lark. You weren’t there. You weren’t a part of that moment. You have nothing to do with the decisions your brother and Carrick made. Fallon knows this, but she has to blame someone, and so she put that on you. But she was wrong to do that.”

Oh, how I wish that were completely true. She has every right to be angry at my family. My brother cost her the love of her life, and then he disappeared to avoid facing the consequences of his actions.

I’m angry at him.

Then, to top it off, my other freaking brothers are calling the cops on them all the time.

It’s lunacy.

“I’m sorry,” I say, leaning my cheek into his palm. “For all of it. My family…I don’t know. Maybe Momma and Daddy are just angry that they lost their son, in a way, and they’re coming after your family because they blame you. I don’t get it. It’s wrong, and I just…the fact that we have to hide. That we meet here because we know the drama it’ll cause. It’s stupid.”

He leans in and kisses my nose. “We’re meeting here because we know what this is. To cause our families any kind of stress wouldn’t be fair.”

Yes, what this is. Only sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Like right now. Or when we were at the Grand Canyon.

Or pretty much any other time we’re together.

He’s holding me, kissing me, and it doesn’t feel like a transactional sexual encounter. It feels like…more.

I can’t say that, though. I have to steel my reaction because Tristan Stone is not for me. We have reasons, oodles of them. His sister being the most recent reminder I needed.

I lift my face from his touch and take his hand in mine. “I know all this. It’s just sad that we have to worry about it. That if Fallon ever found out about us, she’d probably kill me. She told me to stay away from Sadie, that I would just cause her pain. I need you to know that no matter what, I would never hurt or let anyone hurt Sadie. She’s sweet, and regardless of whatever you and I are or aren’t, your daughter won’t be involved. Not just because I do care about you, Tristan, but I loved Emmy Jo and I love Mary Lou. Sadie is a part of them, and they were like family to me.”

Saying her name aloud feels like a knife to my heart. Emmy Jo was my best friend’s sister, and here I am, fucking around with the man she married. Yes, she’s gone. Yes, I think that Emmy Jo would want Tristan to be happy and live his life. I’m pretty sure we all know that men or women in this town often find themselves involved with others from Infinity Ridge. Still, a part of me has just now realized how uncomfortable this tangled mess is.

Tristan falls silent, almost as though he’s absorbing the same reality I am.

I wonder whether he ever thinks about all of that.

I know I’ve done my best not to.

“Of all the things that I’ve worried about, you and Sadie aren’t on the list. My sister had no right to say any of that to you. So I’m going to apologize, because I know she never will. I’m sorry that you had to listen to her. I’m sorry that you’ve spent hours or however long thinking about this. If I didn’t want you near Sadie, I would’ve made that clear. If I worried about you talking to her, I would’ve said something.”

My chest loosens just a little. “She’s a really good kid.”

He smiles. “She is. Sometimes. I should actually put a stop to it, because you’ve got her renovating the fucking chicken coop. A chandelier? Really?”

I laugh. “Hey, happy chickens lay beautiful eggs.”

Tristan shakes his head and then turns serious. “As for what Fallon said…she’s struggling with her grief. After I lost Emmy Jo, I was…not exactly someone anyone wanted to be around. I had this three-year-old girl who was without a mother because of a disease we couldn’t stop. I remember just wanting to burn the world down, but then Sadie would come, climb on my lap, and smile. It was…well, it was everything. It’s what kept me going. Then, I realized that the alternative would’ve been to never have Emmy Jo, love her, know her, and that was a worse fate than losing her. Fallon feels the same. She misses Carrick, but she knows that Knox is why she has to go on.”

My heart pounds against my ribs. “But if it weren’t for Maverick, she’d have them both.”

“In theory, that applies, but Carrick was just as guilty as your brother.”

I don’t believe that for a second. Yes, they were both drinking. Yes, they made bad choices, but Maverick—he’s who caused it. His choices are what caused Carrick to die.

It’s not the same guilt.

“Thank you for at least saying it.” My fingers play at that little dip on his chest. “You’re being very sweet.”

“I’ll deny it.”

I smile and laugh. “Well, considering the fact that no one can ever know we talk, the chances of this coming to light are slim to none.”

“That’s true.”

“So, I guess it’ll be another secret between us.”

“It seems so.”

Tristan kisses me softly. “Come on, let me take you back home.”

“I’m okay,” I assure him.

“I know you are, but I want to make sure. Humor me?”