When She Falls (The Fallen, #3)(98)

He’s shaking his head like he doesn’t believe me. “You’re happy here.”

“They’re my family,” I force past my tightening throat. “I want to be able to see them.”

“Just give me some time,” he says. “I just need more time to figure it out.”

“There is no time. I’m going back home tomorrow. I’ve already arranged the plane with my brother.”

His face turns pale. He stands up, all of his muscled glory on display, and crosses the distance between us, stopping inches away. “You did what?”

I swallow.

One day, he’ll wake up and realize that I wasn’t worth throwing his life away. He says he loves me, but it’s because he doesn’t really know me. He doesn’t know how pathetic I am.

I’ve spent my whole life chasing my parents’ validation. I’ve allowed my father to beat me for years without standing up for myself. I’m good at shrinking myself and making myself inconsequential.

I’m not good at being brave.

And Ras? He deserves someone brave. When he finally realizes that I’m not, he’ll regret all of this. He’ll realize he chose a dud, a worthless, stupid thing.

I suck in a breath and say, “I’m leaving.”

“Fuck, Gem!” There’s astounded anger in his voice. “And what about me? What about us?”

My voice rises. “What us?”

He looks stricken.

“I’m going to go home, and I’m going to marry Rafaele,” I say. At least then I’ll do something useful. Instead of ruining one life, I’ll save two.

“You don’t love him.”

“I don’t need to love him to marry him. I didn’t know what I was doing when I agreed to come here.”

“And you still don’t know shit,” he snarls. “But I do. I know that I chose you. Despite everything stacked against us, I chose you. I love you. I spent a decade forgetting how to love someone, and yet a few weeks with you is all it took for me to learn it all again.” His laugh is humorless. “You are the air I breathe. You are the ground that keeps me standing. Without you, I’m nothing, Gemma.”

I don’t answer him because I can already feel myself choking on my words. My chest feels like it’s being split open.

“I’m sorry,” I finally manage to whisper.

His eyes flash with desperation. “Was none of this real to you?”

“It was,” I whisper. “But we don’t exist in a vacuum, Ras. There’s a world around us.”

“Did you ever think that maybe we could mold that world to be what we want it to be if we’re both willing to try?” He raises his hand like he’s about to brush my hair away from my face, but I take a step back.

“I don’t know how to do that. I’ve made up my mind. Once I’m in New York, I’ll smooth things over with Rafaele, and I’ll convince him not to come after you. And you can go back to Italy. You’re Damiano’s best friend. You’re his family, and he’s still covering for you. He’ll take you back.”

Slowly, so very slowly, his shoulders slump.

“Why are you doing this?” he rasps, all of his heartbreak stuffed inside those words.

Despair fans through me. “Because I don’t love you.”

He sucks in a harsh breath as if I struck him.

You’ve done it now. You’ve pushed him away. There’s no coming back from this.

Inside my chest, everything fractures.

A horrible sound comes out of his mouth, a kind of broken roar. He turns and sweeps everything that’s on the dresser to the ground. A vase with flowers shatters against the stone floor. He clutches the edge of the dresser, his head down and his back to me.

Tears stream down my cheeks. His name is on the tip of my tongue, so I bite on it hard enough to spill blood.

He shoves the dresser into the corner with a loud scrape and leaves the bedroom without a single glance at me.





CHAPTER 32





GEMMA


When I wake up, I’m alone.

Ras’s side of the bed is cold.

A ball appears in my throat as I remember last night. I lied and said I didn’t love him even though nothing could be further from the truth.

My fingers claw at the sheets, nearly tearing the fabric, and I press my face into his pillow, searching for his scent. It fills my lungs. Silent sobs wrack my chest, and my tears soak the pillowcase, but the cathartic relief is temporary. When I dry my eyes, everything is still the same.

I’m leaving the man I love today.

I pull myself together and get out of bed. I don’t want Ras to see me looking like a mess, so I take my time putting on my makeup and fixing up my hair. The bruise on my cheek is gone, but the one on my heart will be there forever.

Papà’s plane is supposed to come for me this morning, landing in a small private airfield a short drive from here. There isn’t much to pack. I pull the linen shirt and dresses I bought at the market off their hangers and stuff them into my tote. The necklace Ras got me from the jewelry shop in town hangs off a hook in the closet. I can’t bring myself to leave it, even though I know every time I’ll look at it, it’ll probably make me cry. I slip it around my neck, and the stone is cool against my skin.