Wish You Were Her(84)

Allegra wanted what he was saying to be true. “I think he was rightly annoyed at an actor slumming it for a summer, at a job he took very seriously all year round.”

“Nah,” Simon said softly. “You know how some people, when they trip? They get really mad? They get scared and embarrassed and then they look around to make sure no one has seen them fall?”

“Yes,” Allegra said, unable to suppress a smile. “It happens to me on the regular.”

“You fall and your first instinct is what? To look around, act mad. Put on a show and let the world know that you are no faller. Something sabotaged you.”

“I suppose. But I’m dyspraxic. We fall a lot.”

“That’s what Jonah did. He fell and then got mad about falling.”

Allegra felt color rush to her face. “Well … I’m not so sure—”

“That’s what all that gruffness and bravado was,” said Simon matter-of-factly. “He fell and he didn’t see it coming. So, he acted stupidly. She’s not making a faller out of me, all that nonsense. But I saw it. You would have, too, if you two had stopped fighting for two seconds. But … I mean, those pictures looked like the two of you figured it out.”

He said it without any bite but it still stung.

“I think the photographs going viral and appearing on morning television might have killed any feelings he had,” Allegra said, unable to keep both the pain and reprimand out of her voice.

Empathy flashed through Simon’s eyes. “Hey, no way. Thing about Jonah? He’s all or nothing. He’s yours forever. If you want him. Trust me.” There was a beat of awkwardness before he added, “I just hope he can forgive me. You, too.”

Allegra regarded him and then said, “I might forgive you, Simon. Someday. But I’m not as concerned about making everyone else feel comfortable all of the time now. So don’t be surprised if it takes a while.”





Chapter Thirty


Allegra’s father didn’t return to the shop from the festival site until fifteen minutes to three.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Ally.”

He struggled to speak but she could see it all on his face: the guilt, the regret, the uncertainty and the love. She hugged him. She told him it was all going to be okay, that she was off to have a fun night with her friends before her movie’s premiere the following day. She tried to show him, rather than tell him, that everything had worked out for the beautifully strange girl who was given a diagnosis but no help. Who found that she could only be her true self in the arts. She was a natural in a creative job, one that so many could never reach. The ordinary was too difficult but the extraordinary came easy.

I’ll be okay, she told him through their embrace. I will. They tried to tell me I was nothing, they wanted me to feel like I wasn’t worth remembering. But I am. I’m going to find people like me through my art and they can print as many slut-shaming headlines as they like, they won’t make me afraid. They can call me odd and cold and strange. But they can’t do what I can do.

“You can’t be mad at Jonah, Dad,” she told him as they hugged. “He’s the only one who’s been taking care of you.”

At first she wondered if he had heard her, but he eventually murmured, “I know.”

They spoke softly until a large black car pulled up to the curb. George kissed her quickly on the head and went into the shop, possibly hoping that she hadn’t caught the gleam of tears. Simon was inside waiting for him. She could see them through the bookshop window and she wondered why they both looked so grave as they spoke.

Jonah was still in the city, hopefully riding high after his job interview, so he would meet them at the hotel suite. Allegra could see Jasper and Grace in the distance, walking arm in arm. Jasper wore dark glasses, just like Allegra, and Grace waved enthusiastically.

“I have never been more excited for anything!” Grace gushed as she and Jasper reached the car. “Allegra, this is, like, the greatest night of my life.”

Allegra laughed warmly. “Tonight’s just playing dress up, tomorrow is makeovers and the actual party.”

“I know, don’t, I can’t contain myself.”

Allegra had asked them both to message Natalie about their measurements and style influences so that the stylist could pull some specific choices. As a curvier girl, Allegra was used to the stylist complaining about having fewer options but Allegra always found something beautiful. She wanted Grace and Jasper to feel the same. Jasper had also sent over stills from an old movie called What a Way to Go as her inspiration.

“Is…” Allegra felt like a child again as she asked Grace the question that had been bothering her all morning. “Is Kerrie still coming?”

Grace’s smile slipped. “I told her that she would have a lot of nerve if she did.”

“No,” Allegra cried. “No, I … I don’t want her to be mad at me. Or think I’m mad at her.”

“It might be a little awkward for her,” Jasper pointed out gently. “Seeing you and Jonah.”

“We’re just friends,” insisted Allegra.

“And you’re meant to be an actor? Very unconvincing.”

“There’s no bad blood on my end. I want her to come. If she feels like it.”