Wish You Were Her(89)

“No,” she said with a small smile. “If you’re okay with the carpet?”

“Allegra—” Natalie began to object, but Jasper swept her away with all the grace and decorum of the Lake Pristine royalty she was.

“We’ll head straight in,” Jasper said, as if she had worked film premieres her entire life. “See you after the carpet, Allegra.”

Jonah and Allegra, still holding hands, stepped onto the red fabric laid out like a brick road to a land he had never known before. The roar that greeted them was thunderous. Jonah winced as flashes began to take over his vision, as they moved from one step-and-repeat to another on the long, winding scarlet path. He moved back to allow Allegra her moment alone in front of the cameras.

He watched, both in awe and in disgust, as photographers yelled things at her.

“Over the shoulder!” one bellowed at her.

“Over here, whore!”

Jonah thought he must have imagined it, but when the female pap repeated the order, he was about ready to slap the camera from her hands. Allegra caught up to him and she gently steered them further down the carpet.

“They do it to get a reaction,” she told him, without needing to know his question. “There are so many lenses to look into so sometimes they say horrible shit to get their shot.”

“I hate them.”

She looked as though she was about to be reasonable about the whole thing and then she peered up into his face and smiled, conspiratorially. “Yeah, you know what? Me too.”

When they reached the final stretch of the carpet, fans threw their hands toward Allegra like zealots to a god.

“Allegra, please!” one woman screamed. “You’re the reason I’m alive, I love you!”

“Allegra, I have a tattoo of you!”

“Allegra, please! PLEASE!”

Jonah watched as Allegra brushed people’s desperately outstretched hands with her fingers. She took a couple of selfies and when one man suddenly grabbed her, as if overcome by her nearness, Jonah intervened. He pulled her free and stood between her and the crowd so that his body shielded her from the grasping hands.

He was vibrating with rage. The entitlement that people felt over her! He wanted to fight every last one of them.

“Thank you,” she told him, sounding surprised.

“Don’t mention it.”

“No one’s ever done that before. I usually have to wriggle free myself.”

“Allegra,” the man who had snatched at her yelled, still trying desperately to seize her. “You don’t respond to me, how am I supposed to get in touch with you now?”

“You don’t!” Jonah replied, glowering down at the shorter man.

“She knows who I am,” the man whined. “She knows I need to talk to her every day.”

“Enough of this. You ready?” Jonah asked Allegra.

She nodded, taking his hand once more. They left the carpet for the movie house, leaving shrieks and shouts in their wake.

“Did you know him?” Jonah asked as they gave their names at the door.

“No,” Allegra said, shrugging. “But lots of people think you’re communicating directly to them. It can make things a bit parasocial.”

“Disgusting.”

“No,” she said firmly. “Some people are just lonely.”

The din of the crowd could still be heard as they milled about the foyer of the cinema. Allegra air-kissed some producers and introduced Jonah to the slightly scatter-brained director. Natalie, Jasper and Grace waved as they made their way to the upper circle of the cinema auditorium.

“They’re upstairs, but we’re down in the stalls,” Allegra told him.

Jonah dazedly followed Allegra to their seat near the front.

“I like to come in early while it’s still quiet,” Allegra said. She smiled earnestly at him, as they sat in two large reclining chairs in front of the biggest cinema screen he had ever seen. “What did you want to tell me?”

“Oh, yes. That reminds me. Need to send an email really quickly.”

He fished out his phone and went straight to his inbox. He opened up his drafts and pressed “send.”

“Your pen-pal?” Allegra asked, something strange crossing her face.

“Yes. Saying goodbye.”

“Goodbye? What do you mean, goodbye?”

“She’s the best. She’s great. But she’s not real. She’s not here. She’s words on a page and while the words have changed my life, I can’t waste time on an imaginary friend. One that I’ve built up in my head, from some perfect words. I need the whole human. Not just the great, edited parts. I wrote this letter after the pictures were published. I never sent it. I’m sending it now. Because I’m where I need to be.”

Allegra’s eyes shone. “You don’t … wish she was here instead?”

“No. But you’re right, I did have something to tell you.”

“Okay?”

Jonah took in her face. A face so perfect to him, without lights and retouches. The exterior of a soul more beautiful to him than any other he had known, even more so than the friend in his inbox. “Nothing big. Just that I love you.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a perfect “O.”